R.I.P. Nichelle Nichols (1932 - 2022)

Actress Nichelle Nichols, whose trailblazing portrayal of Lt. Nyota Uhura on TV’s original “Star Trek” series broke racial barriers, has died. She was 89.

“Last night, my mother, Nichelle Nichols, succumbed to natural causes and passed away,” her son, Kyle Johnson, wrote on his mother’s Facebook page Sunday.

“Her light however, like the ancient galaxies now being seen for the first time, will remain for us and future generations to enjoy, learn from, and draw inspiration,” he said. “Hers was a life well lived and as such a model for us all.

Marketing ....

The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."

Well, here it is:

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed,"

That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed," That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed," That's Telemarketing.

You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed," That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep. Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realise that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the centre and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Junk Mail.

R.I.P. Bill Russell (1934 - 2022)

Bill Russell, the ultimate NBA champion, one of basketball’s greatest players, a teammate and a voice for social justice who was the soul of the Boston Celtics dynasty of the 1950s and ’60s, died on Sunday. He was 88.

Free Test

 This is a free Canadian Medical Test

  Compliments of our medical system!

Heaven and Hell

An observant woman died one day, and found herself waiting in the long line for judgment.  As she stood there, she noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into heaven.

Others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into the burning pit.

But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul into a small pile off to one side.

After watching Satan do this several times, the woman's curiosity got the best of her.  So she strolled over to find out what the devil he was doing.

Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," she said.

"I'm waiting my turn for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering,

Why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?"

"Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan.

"They're all from Winnipeg; they're too wet to burn!" 

Did God Create Everything?

This is a really great answer to a question you may be asked or have asked. Did God create everything that exists? Does evil exist? Did God create evil?

A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?" A student bravely replied "Yes He did". "God created everything?" the professor asked. "Yessir, He certainly did." the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil.

And since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."

The student became quiet and did not answer the professor's hypothetical definition. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?" "Of course", replied the professor. The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?" "What kind of a question is this?

Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The other students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body, or object, is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body, or matter, have or transmit energy.

Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat.

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?" The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct?

Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present." Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said, we see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name was Albert Einstein.

Games for dumb blondes of either sex

The 411 - The Rosetta Stone

By © Hans Hillewaert, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=3153928

The Rosetta Stone is a famous ancient artifact that played a crucial role in deciphering Egyptian hieroglyphs. It was discovered by French soldiers during Napoleon Bonaparte's campaign in Egypt in 1799. The stone is a large, dark-colored, granodiorite slab that measures approximately 114.4 x 72.3 x 27.9 cm (45 x 28.5 x 11 inches).

The significance of the Rosetta Stone lies in the fact that it contains the same inscription in three different scripts: hieroglyphic, demotic, and ancient Greek. At the time of its discovery, Greek was still understood, but hieroglyphics and demotic script were completely indecipherable.

The inscription on the stone is an official decree issued by King Ptolemy V Epiphanes of Egypt in 196 BC, praising him for his generosity and declaring various honors for him. By having the same text in three scripts, scholars had a chance to compare the known Greek text with the unknown Egyptian scripts, providing the key to unlock the hieroglyphic script.

The Rosetta Stone was brought to England in 1802 and became a significant object of study for early Egyptologists. The efforts of several scholars, including Jean-François Champollion, eventually led to the decipherment of the hieroglyphic script in the early 19th century. This breakthrough in understanding Egyptian hieroglyphs greatly contributed to the field of Egyptology and allowed researchers to read and interpret numerous ancient Egyptian texts and inscriptions. The Rosetta Stone is now housed in the British Museum in London, where it remains one of the most visited and admired artifacts in the world.

Source: Some or all of the content was generated using an AI language model

How to stay young...

  

1. Try everything twice. On Madams tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice...loved it both times!

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. 

(keep  this in mind if you are one of those grouches;)

3. Keep learning:

Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen:

Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.  LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:

Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:

If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips.

Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time.

And if you don't send this post to at least 4 people - who cares?

But do share this with someone. 

Driving test for straight men

Most straight men will get this right!!

You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING sign posted, and come upon a bicycle rider. Do you follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 2 miles, or do you break the law and pass?

Which is the correct choice?






Scroll down...

Why take unnecessary risks?

The 411 - Honey

The number of different honeys available in the world can be quite vast, as it depends on the floral sources from which the bees collect nectar. Bees produce honey by collecting nectar from flowers and then transforming it through enzymatic processes and evaporation.

Different types of honey are produced based on the specific types of flowers and plants that the bees visit. Each type of honey can have distinct flavors, colors, and properties. Some of the common varieties of honey include:

1. Wildflower honey: Derived from a mix of nectar sources from various wildflowers.
2. Clover honey: Produced from the nectar of clover plants.
3. Manuka honey: Comes from the nectar of the Manuka tree in New Zealand and is known for its unique antibacterial properties.
4. Acacia honey: Made from the nectar of acacia tree flowers.
5. Orange blossom honey: Produced from the nectar of orange tree flowers.
6. Lavender honey: Comes from the nectar of lavender flowers.
7. Buckwheat honey: Derived from the nectar of buckwheat flowers.

These are just a few examples, and there are many other types of honey based on different floral sources worldwide. Some regions may have honey specific to their local flora, leading to a wide variety of honey types globally.

It's important to note that honey characteristics can also be influenced by factors such as climate, soil, and beekeeping practices. The taste and properties of honey can vary even within the same floral source, depending on these factors.

As the world's biodiversity is vast and beekeeping practices continue to evolve, the exact number of different honeys available is challenging to determine. Nevertheless, honey enthusiasts and experts often explore and appreciate the unique flavors and characteristics of various honey varieties from different regions and floral sources.

Source: Some or all of the content was generated using an AI language model

Get yer facts straight, eh?

*H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

*To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a demon over a flame in a test tube.

*When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

*Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is water and gin.

*A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

*Liter: A nest of young puppies.

*Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

*Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

*Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

*The pistol of the flower is its only protection against insects.

*A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

*To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

*For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower that the heart until the heart stops.

*For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

*Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

*The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

*Blood flows down one leg and up the other. 

** If you think these are facts, God help ya!

A Mad Cow Found in Montana...

*Requires flash* 

DEFINITELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK! CONTAINS MULTIPLE INSTANCES OF THE "F" WORD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Click Above

The Closet

 A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the  bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My Dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,"How much?"

Boy: "$750"

Man: "Sold."

 

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy: "$1,000"

The Dad says, "That's terrible to over charge your friends like that ... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession."

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again, your in my closet now!

Jail Time

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.  When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"

She replied: a can of peaches.

The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.  She replied 6.

The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

He said, " What is it? "

The husband said  "She also stole a can of peas."

R.I.P. Tony Dow (1945 - 2022)

"Leave It To Beaver" actor Tony Dow, who played Wally Cleaver in the popular sitcom, died following a battle with cancer, his manager Frank Bilotta confirmed to USA TODAY on Wednesday. He was 77.

"We have received confirmation from Christopher, Tony’s son, that Tony passed away earlier this morning, with his loving family at his side to see him through this journey," a post from Dow's official Facebook page read. "We know that the world is collectively saddened by the loss of this incredible man. He gave so much to us all and was loved by so many."

Dow's son said he has "comfort and peace that he is in a better place." 

Wally Cleaver was my favourite character on "Leave It To Beaver'. I had a crush on Tony Dow. The world is poorer now that he has gone. "Gee, Wally... I'll miss you."

Should You Be Institutionalized?

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?"

THE YEAR'S BEST (actual) HEADLINES OF 2005 - The Way-back machine

  Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

  [Imagine that!]

  Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

  [No, really?]

  Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

  [Now that's taking things a bit far!]

  Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

  [Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

  Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

  [What a guy!] 

  Miners Refuse to Work after Death

  [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]

  Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

  [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

  War Dims Hope for Peace

  [I can see where it might have that effect!]

  If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

  [You think?!]

  Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

  [Who would have thought!]

  Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

  [They may be on to something!]

  Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

  [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

  Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

  [He probably IS the battery charge]

  New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

  [Weren't they fat enough?!]

  Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

  [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

  Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

  [Taste like chicken?]

  Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

  [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

  Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

  [Boy, are they tall!]

  And the winner is....

  Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

  [Did I read that sign right?] 

A Moose on the loose ...in the hoose!!

This lady who lives just on the outskirts of Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada has a friendly Bull Moose who has become her friend. The pictures were taken at her home. Also She took a picture of a Buck (male moose] in her back yard by the apple trees in the morning at her house.

For anyone who thinks living in a big Dirty city is the best..

"THINK AGAIN!", SHE SAYS.

Posting Error - RE: Tony Dow dead

Just to let you know, Tony Dow is not dead. I posted an obituary for him yesterday, but was later told he is still alive. It has been removed. Sorry about any confusion.

Classes for men

SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTRE FOR ADULTS 

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Wednesday, July 27, 2022. 

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

 FREE BOOK! **
Class 1How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 2The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion.Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. Class 3Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 4Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. Class 5After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video.Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM Class 6Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups.Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM Class 7Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum .Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours. Class 8Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes.Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 9Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined. Class 10Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations.4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours. Class 11Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing .Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined Class 12How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 13How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 14The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration.Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors. **Joke people!

Blonde

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blond catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

 When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blond says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

 Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blond gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blond. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says.. "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Pennsylvania and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK.

Share and W-I-N!

 

Yes, that's right... The Wizard of 'OZ' is having a 

"SHARE and WIN" contest! 

 

All you have to do is share a POST from 'OZ' that you like (any post, any date!) Take a screenshot of where you shared the post, such as facebook, Instagram, Twitter and more, as long as it it is by social media* and not just emailed to a person. Then email the screenshot to The_Wizard@othersideoz.ca - please put "$50 Gift Card Contest" in the subject. I will not share your email address and will delete all information at the end of the contest.

  $50.00 Gift Card

 

A random draw will be made for one $50.00 (fifty dollar) Gift Card of your choice (provided the gift card is available for purchase in Canada). Contest open to anyone 16 years old or older and a resident of Canada (Void in Quebec) or The USA at the time of the random draw. 

 

The final winner will be declared on Sept 1st 2022 at 9PM (CST). The random drawing will be made by The Wizard of 'OZ' and the contest will be deemed to be over by 9PM (CST) on September 1st. 

 

Contest runs from July 2nd to September 1st 2022. Winner will be notified by the same email as the entry was submitted with. Contest may be extended past September 1, 2022 - If there are no entries during the contest period (The Wizard's prerogative.)

No purchase necessary.

*The fine print: Prize is in CDN dollars. The draw will be made September 1, 2022 by The Wizard of 'OZ', from all entries received up to and including September 1, 2022 at 9PM CST. There will be only one (1) winner chosen out of all entries received by the closing date and time. 1 gift card is available. The Wizard of 'OZ's decision will be final. Social media includes facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Blogger (or other web log page), Linked in. Contest available only in Canada and The United States of America. Odds of winning is dependent upon the number of entries received. Winner's name will be published on 'OZ' (last name can be withheld by request). In the event that no one enters the contest, The Wizard reserves the right to extend the contest to a point in the future that The Wizard decides.  Contest void where prohibited by law. The Wizard of 'OZ' and the blog 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow make no money from this contest nor from the blog as a whole. The purpose of this contest is to increase visitors to my blog. Again, I make no money from the blog and 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow is 100% Paid ad free.

WILL

I think this is the best living will form that I've seen, it's easy to understand, and it makes perfect sense as well. 

To Whom it may concern: I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. 

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills. 

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following: 

______a Bloody Mary 

______a Margarita 

______a Scotch and soda 

______a Martini 

______a Vodka and Tonic 

______a Steak 

______Lobster or crab legs 

______The remote control 

______ Chocolate 

______Sex 

it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. 

Signed: ____________________________________

From The Emerald City

   

My Dear 'OZ'ians,

As you know, The Wizard makes no money from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow. I have strived to keep those annoying ads off my blog. I do qualify for Google Ads but they are too visible and mess up my blog design.  I do promote things from time to time, but those are my endorsements, and again, I am not being paid to post them.

I am seeking donations to help me offset the costs of hosting web pages, pictures and other costs associated with my blog. It costs me about $400/ year to support 'OZ'. If you feel that 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow is worth it, I would appreciate if you could donate some money to help me offset the costs and continue to post on the blog. Every dollar helps!

You can send your donation via e-transfer to my email address:

The_Wizard@othersideoz.ca

I have also setup a fundraiser on PayPal. Click here to go to PayPal and make a donation.

I have also setup a GoFundMe page if you would like to donate there. Click here.

Thanks so much for considering a donation!

If you decide not to donate, let me know if you would like your web page link posted on 'OZ'. If I post a link for you, I would appreciate you linking to my blog. Beneficial for both of us!

Send your questions to The Wizard of 'OZ' by clicking here.

The Wizard

R.I.P. Paul Sorvino (1939 - 2022)

Paul Sorvino, the celebrated character actor who could play mob kingpins, cops, presidential cabinet members, and even do Shakespeare, died Monday, July 25, according to The Hollywood Reporter. He was 83. 

Sorvino’s wife, Dee Dee, confirmed his death, saying Sorvino died of natural causes. “Our hearts are broken, there will never be another Paul Sorvino, he was the love of my life, and one of the greatest performers to ever grace the screen and stage,” she said.

Sounds Good to Me

 Are you sure you are ready for this?

By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning! I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Godiva Chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Please pass this post on to those you feel are in need of inner peace!

R.I.P. David Warner (1941 - 2022)

David Warner, an English actor who played villainous supporting characters with aplomb in films like "Titanic" and "Tron," died over the weekend. He was 80.

David Warner in "Titanic"

Warner died from a "cancer-related illness," his family said in a statement shared by his talent agency with CNN. He'd been sick for 18 months, his family wrote, and "approached his diagnosis with a characteristic grace and dignity."

Plumbing Truck

Passing Wind

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts -- although still silent -- stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing....

Redneck Divorce

Dear Cooter, 

Me an Sue Ellen have divorced, the judge gave her the double wide and the pickup. So, like the court order said, I delivered the truck before 2 O'clock, yesterday afternoon! I took a picture fer proof that I delivered it. Wanted to make sure she found it when she got home!!! 

Your Buddy, Bubba

A 400 IQ goldfish attempts to kill its owner - A problem to solve

The goldfish is in a bowl on a desk in his room. The owner is an average man with an IQ of 100 who is currently unaware that he is in danger. The goldfish is able to speak and understand any language and is capable of spending 5 minutes outside of water without issue before it dies. The goldfish also has a good understanding and knowledge of humanity’s history and technology. The man has an average of 2 friends visiting his apartment per week and hosts a party once a month, the apartment contains all expected appliances such as a dishwasher and a microwave. The goldfish has 3 months to accomplish its goal.

Floor plan of the apartment:

See discussion on this problem on reddit

Awesome!

Sunset at the north pole with the moon the closest point in time.

Although the above-displayed image has been circulating as a “photograph” of “sunset at the North Pole,” it is a purely digital creation. As far as Snopes.com knows, it is a work titled “Hideaway,” produced by a 22-year-old German astrophysics student named Inga Nielsen using TerragenTM scenery rendering software. But it sure looks cool!

Extra Boost

Pig farmers have never done well in the United States. Most Americans prefer beef to pork. Hamburger is an American favorite but contains no ham. The porcine raisers were hopeful to see a significant increase in their business after the scares about health over beef, but most of the benefits had gone to the poultry and fish industries. Sale of ham and bacon remained virtually unchanged.

Because of this, The National Porcine Association hired a major Madison Avenue advertising firm to boost sale of pork products. They decided on an intensive campaign to saturate magazines television and radio with ads urging people to eat pork patties.

The campaign was given an extra boost when Congress was convinced to designate the second of February as the day when every family would be urged to eat pork sausage.

 That day will be celebrated nationally, of course, as ...

Ground Hog Day.

New Medal

Pain in the ass medal

Save the image and give it to someone deserving of it today!

Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

 

Restaurant Server: Would you like a table near the window, or near the salad bar, or near the dance floor?

Man: It doesn't matter... as long as it's near a waiter!

Teacher: "Robotics leader Dr. Finkle Goomba claims working robots will be ready for household use within a year though. He also added, 'They won’t be up to true human capability by that time.'"

Little Johnny: "It won’t work until they get to full capability. There is no way my dad would ever pay for a teenager."  



I finally quit drinking for good...

Now I'm just gonna drink for evil.



Moe: I think I will make the High School Basketball team.

Joe: Why do you think that?

Moe: My coach said I have a good basketball IQ.

Joe: I think you misunderstood your coach. He said you had the IQ of a basketball.

After participating in a nutritional-health class, my 16 year-old daughter, Sarah, encouraged her sisters to try whole-grain breads and whole-wheat pasta, and complained if we were having anything that looked too processed.

At dinnertime one evening, she entered the kitchen, spied the food on the plates and boldly asked: "Are those whole-wheat potatoes?"

I used to be an owner,

Now I'm a renter.

I used to go to the bars,

Now I go to the senior centre! 

 

"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.”

Well, she didn't put it quite like that. What she actually said was, “Dad, this is my new boyfriend, he supports the Winnipeg Blue Bombers."

What’s the definition of a real golfer?

The only guy who will ruin a $100 pair of shoes to retrieve a 50 cent ball. 

Two nuns who worked in a hospital were out driving in the country when they ran out of gas. As they were standing beside their car on the shoulder of the road, a truck approached them.

Noticing the nuns in distress, the trucker stopped and offered to help. When the nuns explained they had run out of gas, the trucker said he would be more than happy to drain some from his tank, but he didn't have a bucket or a can.

Hearing this, one of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan from the trunk and asked the trucker if it would do. He said it would and proceeded to drain a couple of quarts into the pan. He then handed the pan to the sisters, got back into his truck and waved goodbye.

While the nuns were carefully pouring the precious fuel into their gas tank, a cop happened by. He stopped and watched them for a few moments, then said, "Sisters, somehow I don't think that's going to work, but I sure do admire your faith!"  

They say that an apple a day will keep the doctor away...

Why stop there?

An onion a day will keep everybody away!