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P.S.

Dear Husband,

I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.

I've been a good woman for seven years and I have nothing to show forit. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.

You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me that you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything.

Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.



Your EX-Wife

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Wife:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry away from what you've been.

I watch sports so much trying to drown out your Constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week; the first thing that came to mind was, "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,

Rich As Hell and Free!
Your Ex-Husband

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this........ but Carl, my brother, was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Best of The Love Doctor

  Dear Love Doctor,

Is it unreasonable to expect my partner to remember my birthday? We've been together almost five years, and every year he misses it.

He really is very sweet, but he can never remember dates. He says he doesn't mean to, but he can't can't keep it straight.

Birthdays are important to me. For his, I planned a big night and scrimped and saved to buy him new golf equipment.

But, when mine rolls around, nothing!

Last week, I thought I had left enough hints that the big day was coming, but he didn't pick up on it.

Now, he's off on a business trip, and I'm sitting alone and my birthday.

Even a card would have been nice.

What can I do to keep him on track.

Signed,

Disappointed

Dear Disappointed,

Oh, my you are down aren't you? Well, some men just don't remember birthdays and anniversaries. I'm sure he was upset when he discovered he had missed it.

Now, then, it is time to start planning for next year. For his birthday, get him a palm or daytimer, and be sure you fill in the important dates, like, your birthday, Christmas, anniversary.

Get him into the practice of using it right from the start.

Second, whenever he misses a date, make a federal case out of it. Sometimes a little drama is needed. Have a hissy fit. Give him the silent treatment. Make it a big enough show that he won't forget ever again.

I love my birthdays too, and I'd get terribly upset if the day were missed by some uncaring clod. So remember: Men have to be trained just like a puppy. And, sometimes, you need tough love.

The Love Doctor

--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says)

The Tip Of The Day

Do you know the “no-zone”? 

 The no-zone is the area near a semi-truck’s side and rear where cars seem to disappear into blind spots. Vehicles lingering in the “no-zone” can’t be seen by truck drivers, causing a potential hazard if a lane change becomes necessary. 

Tailgating in the rear “no-zone” not only hides you from the truck driver, but also radically reduces your view of traffic ahead. Also when passing, avoid cutting in front of a truck too soon, then abruptly slowing down. 

Because it takes longer to pass large trucks, maintain your speed and wait until the front of the truck is visible in your side rearview mirror before shifting back into the other lane.

R. - B.I.O.N.!

 

Mouth-shaped urinal sparks complaints

** A Dutch McDonald's has been forced to remove a pair of mouth-shaped urinals after a tourist complained.

The branch in the south east of the Netherlands said it was removing the bright red, mouth-shaped urinals after a disgusted US customer complained to McDonald's head office in America.

Manager of the fast-food outlet Giel Pijper said the urinals, named Kisses, were works of art which he was now going to have to sell off.

The mouth-shaped urinals, designed by Utrecht-based firm Bathroom Mania!, have already caused controversy.

Virgin Airways was forced to scrap plans in 2004 to install two of the Kisses at New York's John F Kennedy airport after complaints they looked like women's mouths.

But designer Meike van Schijndel has denied they were ever conceived as anything rude and said they were designed as a fun cartoon mouth and not as a woman's mouth.

*Ananova
**This is not an actual urinal... I could only find a painting of one... but you get the idea....

Just ask for the 'SASK CUT'

 

Yes, the new one is out! Brand new edition of...

"You know you're from Saskatchewan when......"

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-room's so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighbourhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

I'll take "Quotable Quotes" for $1000, Alex

"Knowledge is Power."

-- Francis Bacon

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."

-- Derek Bok, attributed

"It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data."

-- Arthur Conan Doyle, (Sherlock Holmes, Scandal in Bohemia, 1891)

"If I have seen further,… it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants."

-- Isaac Newton, letter to Robert Hooke, February 5, 1675/76

"Most of the fundamental ideas of science are essentially simple, and may, as a rule, be expressed in a language comprehensible to everyone."

-- Albert Einstein, The Evolution of Physics

"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer."

-- Albert Einstein

"The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking."

-- Albert Einstein, Out of My Later Years

"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"

-- Albert Einstein

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as judge in the field of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods."

-- Albert Einstein

"The only source of knowledge is experience."

-- Albert Einstein

"Creating a new theory is not like destroying an old barn and erecting a skyscraper in its place. It is rather like climbing a mountain, gaining new and wider views, discovering unexpected connections between our starting points and its rich environment. But the point from which we started out still exists and can be seen, although it appears smaller and forms a tiny part of our broad view gained by the mastery of the obstacles on our adventurous way up."

-- Albert Einstein, The Evolution of Physics.

"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18."

-- Albert Einstein

"Things should be made as simple as possible, but not any simpler."

-- Albert Einstein

"We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if mankind is to survive."

-- Albert Einstein

"Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects."

-- Will Rogers

"The greater our knowledge increases, the greater our ignorance unfolds."

-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"The great tragedy of science -- the slaying of a beautiful theory by an ugly fact."

-- T.H. Huxley, Evidence as to Man's Place in Nature.

"An important scientific innovation rarely makes its way by gradually winning over and converting its opponents… What does happen is that its opponents gradually die out, and that the growing generation is familiarized with the ideas from the beginning."

-- Max Planck

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."

-- Bertrand Russell

A LIBERAL DECALOGUE By Bertrand Russell

"Perhaps the essence of the Liberal outlook could be summed up in a new decalogue, not intended to replace the old one but only to supplement it. The Ten Commandments that, as a teacher, I should wish to promulgate, might be set forth as follows:

1. Do not feel absolutely certain of anything.

2. Do not think it worth while to proceed by concealing evidence, for the evidence is sure to come to light.

3. Never try to discourage thinking for you are sure to succeed. 

4. When you meet with opposition, even if it should be from your husband or your children, endeavor to overcome it by argument and not by authority, for a victory dependent upon authority is unreal and illusory.

5. Have no respect for the authority of others, for there are always contrary authorities to be found.

6. Do not use power to suppress opinions you think pernicious, for if you do the opinions will suppress you.

7. Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.

8. Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent that in passive agreement, for, if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter.

9. Be scrupulously truthful, even if the truth is inconvenient, for it is more inconvenient when you try to conceal it.

10. Do not feel envious of the happiness of those who live in a fool's paradise, for only a fool will think that it is happiness."

-- The Autobiography of Bertrand Russell, 1944-1969, pp. 71-2

A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling

by Mark Twain

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli. Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

And from the other side...

"The youthful brain should in general not be burdened with things ninety-five percent of which it cannot use and hence forgets again… In many cases, the material to be learned in the various subjects is so swollen that only a fraction of it remains in the head of the individual pupil, and only a fraction of this abundance can find application, while on the other hand it is not adequate for the man working and earning his living in a definite field."

-- Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, p. 418.

"Knowledge above the average can be crammed into the average man, but it remains dead, and in the last analysis sterile knowledge. The result is a man who may be a living dictionary but nevertheless falls down miserably in all special situations and decisive moments in life."

-- Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, p. 429.

"The folkish state must not adjust its entire educational work primarily to the inoculation of mere knowledge, but to the breeding of absolutely healthy bodies. The training of mental abilities is only secondary. And here again, first place must be taken by the development of character, especially the promotion of will-power and determination, combined with the training of joy in responsibility, and only in last place comes scientific schooling."

-- Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, p. 408.

"A people of scholars, if they are physically degenerate, weak-willed and cowardly pacifists, will not storm the heavens, indeed, they will not be able to safeguard their existence on this earth."

-- Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, p. 408.

"But it would be absolutely mistaken to regard a wealth of theoretical knowledge as characteristic proof for the qualities and abilities of a leader."

-- Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, p. 580. 

Eye Witless

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks.

They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his.

She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!!

"You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No, " she replies. . . . . "You just happened to catch my eye."

Tokyo 2021 Olympics Medal Count

 

Male or Female???

To find the Answer, look down!

NOT HERE…DUMMY !!

Best Commercial -- EVER!

Click above for GREAT Commercial. (wmv - ~1.1MB)

 

R.I.P. Dusty Hill (1949 - 2021)

Dusty Hill, the longtime bassist for rock band ZZ Top, died today in his sleep at home in Houston, Texas. He was 72.

His death was announced by bandmates Billy Gibbons and Frank Beard.

Quickies

Quickie #1 

One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went fishing.

Quickie #2

 

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."

Quickie #3

 
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

Quickie #4

 

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

Quickie #5

 

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

Quickie #6

 

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, herhusband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRA Y? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Quickie #7

 

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.

The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years now.......

Time - The Hard Way...

Click above to see it work! (Requires flash)

Tokyo Olympics 2021 Medal Count

Tokyo Olympics 2021 Medal count July 28

 

The Point of the Story - The Wizard of OZ

Don't click on this!

Really Curious? Then go ahead and click! Just watch out for The Wicked Witch!

My Ubuntu Desktop (2015 and now)

 Click on the images to open in a new window. Note: these screenshots are both Ubuntu!

So cluttered 6 years ago. Look at those docks. OMG! So busy!

Now much less cluttered. What do you think?

The Truth - Carl Sagan

 

Foodscaping

 

Reddit - Ubuntu (r/Ubuntu)

 

Click above to read all about Ubuntu including troubleshooting

A Cuddle...

 

Mary Simon, first Indigenous Governor General of Canada

 

Mary Jeannie May Simon (Inuktitut: Ningiukudluk; born August 21, 1947) is a Canadian former broadcaster, civil servant and diplomat who is serving as the 30th Governor General of Canada.

Simon was born in Kangiqsualujjuaq, Nunavik, Quebec. She briefly worked as a producer and announcer for the CBC Northern Service in the 1970s before subsequently entering public service, serving on the board of the Northern Quebec Inuit Association and playing a key role in the Charlottetown Accord negotiations. Simon was Canada's first ambassador for Circumpolar Affairs from 1994 to 2004, as well as a lead negotiator for the creation of the Arctic Council. She also served as the Canadian Ambassador to Denmark from 1999 to 2002. On July 6, 2021, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced that Simon had been appointed to succeed Julie Payette as the 30th governor general of Canada.

Tru Dat!

 

There's Still Room for LGBTQ+ Catholics and Allies

Instead of trying in vain to change the Roman Catholic Church, it's possible to find one's own spiritual path.

More at TheAdvocate.com

Plates

John visited his 70-year-old survivalist grandpa who lived off the grid.

On the first morning of the visit, John’s grandpa prepared a breakfast of bacon and eggs.

John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and asked, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandpa replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them. Just go ahead and finish your meal.”

 

For lunch, Grandpa made hamburgers.

 

Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have specks of dried egg on it. “Are you sure these plates are clean?” he asked.

Without looking up, Grandpa said, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them!”

 

Later, as John was leaving, his grandpa’s dog started to growl and wouldn’t let him pass.

 

John said, “Grandpa, your dog won’t let me get by!”

 

Grandpa yelled to the dog, “Cold Water, go lie down!

R.I.P. Jackie Mason (1928 - 2021)

Famed Borscht Belt comedian Jackie Mason, who rose from a modest childhood on the Lower East Side to become one of the most famous funnymen of all time, has died. He was 93.

Jackie Mason was a rabbi-turned-comedian whose feisty brand of standup comedy led him to Catskills nightclubs, West Coast talk shows and Broadway stages.

From The Emerald City

 

Hey folks, 

I have added some links on the left hand side of 'OZ'. They will take you back to the top of the page you are on. 

This includes if you are buried in the archives. There are still a few links that will take you back home to the most recent post. Hope this helps. 

If you have any questions, let me know in the comments or use the Contact The Wizard form on the left side of 'OZ'.

Thanks!

The Wizard

 

If You Love Me

by nerdxcorexneal

I love my wife above all else. I have loved her since the moment I first laid eyes on her. I would do anything for her and that has never changed after all these years.

We first met in college. We were both Theater majors and it was day one of Acting 1 class that our eyes met for the first time. She had chocolate brown eyes that were complemented by her dark brown curls. We stared at each other constantly that first day, and when we were partnered together, we knew that it was fate.

"My name is Margaret," she said to as soon as I walked up to her after class.

I took her by and hand and kissed it.

"Henry," I responded.

She then took one of my long dreadlocks and wrapped it around her finger, staring me in the eyes and biting her lip. It was an amazing meeting with an even better ending later that night.

The following night, we went on our first date, a theater production of Sueño. We held each other's hand through the entire performance, and afterward, I walked her to her dormitory. Every day after that was like a love story. We went through good times and bad times. We broke up and got back together. Through it all one thing never changed for me, I loved her and would do anything for her.

We got married after graduation and went on to become very successful in the stage acting scene. We were considered a power couple and were always cast in romantic roles opposite each other. It was easy to bring the true deep love that we felt for each other to the stage, and it was nice to make money from it.

One day, our lives took a turn. We had just finished a successful performance of the stage play The Clean House when we were approached by a member of the audience.

"That was an amazing performance," he said, a creepy English accent behind his words.

"Why thank you, you're sweet," said Margaret, gripping my hand.

I could tell this guy had creeped her out, but being a talented actress, she was able to put on a nice front.

"I've been watching you two for a very long time," he continued, his pale blue eyes staring into Margaret. "I am very much a fan of your work. Every performance is riveting, and I can tell that you put true passion into your exchanges. You two must truly love each other."

"We do," I said, stepping slightly in front of Margaret. "We love each other very much. I would do anything for her." I looked at her, and she gave me that beautiful smile of hers.

"That warms my heart to hear," he said as he put his arms behind his back, and looking up into the night sky. "True love is... a valuable gift that is often taken for granted. If you're not careful, you can easily lose it forever, and it can never be replaced, no matter how hard you try." He then looked at me, and I could see just how disturbing his pale blue eyes were. "Hold on to that gift. Cherish it forever."

He began to walk away before I asked the question that had been bothering me since we met.

"Who are you?" I yelled.

He stopped and turned his head. "Your biggest fan," he answered.

He then walked away. Margaret and I looked at each other, baffled at what had just taken place. Later that night, we were sitting on our couch watching a movie when suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Wonder who that could be," said Margaret as she got up to see who it was.

She looked at the peephole and froze in place before taking a single step back and opening the door. Standing just outside the door was the same man we had talked to earlier that night. He stood there with his arms behind him, his pale blue eyes shining like the moon.

"Honey?" I said, standing up from the couch to join Margaret at the door.

"Please... come in," Margaret said to the man, to my shock.

"What are you doing?" I yelled running to get to the door.

The man stepped inside before I got there, and began to stroke her face. When I finally got to them I threw my fist and connected with his face, knocking him back outside. I quickly slammed the door and locked it. I turned to Margaret, who was in some sort of a trance. I tried to snap her out of it.

"Margaret!" I yelled, shaking her. "Margaret! Wake up!"

There was nothing I could do to get her to respond. I shook her, slapped her, even splashed water in her face. Nothing. Nothing would work.

Suddenly, the lights in the house went out. I looked around until I said the silhouette of a man standing outside our living room window. I blinked and it was gone. I began to panic and ran to the gun safe in our bedroom. Despite being theater nerds, we were very well trained in self-defense and firearms. We could each hold our own if our lives were in danger, and if there was ever a time to put that training to use, it was now.

When I got back to the living room I immediately raised my weapon. There stood the strange man, holding Margaret by the face.

"Let go of her, motherfucker!" I yelled, aiming for his head.

He looked at me, and the only thing I could see in the darkness was glowing red eyes. He then turned his head to Margaret and I fired, hitting him directly in the head. He fell to the floor hard and I ran over. Margaret fell over too but I caught her before she hit the ground.

She still would not respond, her eyes wide open in a trance. I looked over to the man... but he was gone. I gently laid her on the floor and stood up quickly, readying my weapon once again. Suddenly, I felt a strong, tight grip on the back on my neck and I was then thrown across the room, hitting the wall.

I groaned in pain as I grabbed my gun and slowly stood to my feet, shaking as I raised my weapon again. Again, he had a hold of Margaret, but this time he pulled her head close to his. I felt my heart race and my blood boil as he put her lips to his, his glowing red eyes staring right at me.

"NO!" I screamed as I ran towards them. He then pushed her to the side and opened his arms to me, as if inviting me to fire on him again. I obliged and fired five rounds into him, but all he did was allow them to connect as he laughed. I ran up to him but he grabbed me by the throat before I could do anything. He pulled me close to his face and I could see every horrifying feature.

Not only did he have demon-like eyes, but his face was covered in disgusting, pulsating veins. In his mouth, were two sharp fangs and a long slimy tongue, which rubbed against my face, as if tasting me before taking his first bite. I lifted my gun to the arm that had a hold of me and fired twice. He growled in pain as he released me and I connected the butt of my gun to his face, repeatedly.

He fell to the floor and I mounted him, smashing his face more and more, harder and faster. I could feel the blood gush and spray all over as the bones in his skull crack and collapse. By the time I was done, there was nothing but smashed bone, brains, and blood. I panted as I stood back up and limped over to Margaret, who was now fully unconscious. I shook her and she finally opened her eyes, looking into mine with fear and confusion.

"Margaret," I said, feeling relieved that she was alright. I held her close and we laid there until I looked over to where the body of the stranger should have been. He was gone and panic arose once again and we both stood up quickly. I turned to face Margaret and screamed when I saw him standing behind her, still in the process of regenerating his face.

Before I had a chance to react he sunk his fangs deep into Margaret's neck. She screamed in pain as I screamed in rage, hitting the monster in the skull once again with my gun. I felt bone crack again as he released her. Again, I mounted him and went to work, growing exhausted the longer it went. I knew this wouldn't last, as he would surely regenerate again.

It soon became obvious what exactly I was dealing with. He had put Margaret into a trance, merely by looking at her, even looking through a peephole. It wasn't until he invited him inside that he actually got in. He had glowing red eyes and fangs, and he bit Margaret in the neck.

*"He's a god damn vampire, "*I thought to myself.

While he was down, I ran to the kitchen and grabbed an old wooden brook. I broke it in half and ran back to the body, where I rammed it as hard as I could directly into his heart. The body began to convulse and flail its arms and legs all over. Suddenly, it stopped and went completely limp, before melting away into deep red blood and other disgusting fluids.

After catching my breath, I slowly turned my attention to Margaret. She sat there in the darkness, legs folded and upper torso full erect.

"Honey?" I said, nervously approaching her.

In the darkness, I could only see her silhouette, until her eyes began to slowly glow red. There was only one thing I could think of to do. I love my wife. I would do anything for her. Even if that meant chaining her up in the basement, feeding her a pint of my own blood every day while I figure out what to do about her.

When the hunger would hit her, she became like a wild animal that cannot be communicated with. So, I fed her my blood and she became herself again. She understood the situation and never held it against me. It wasn't easy, but it was all we could do. Unfortunately, a pint only went so far, until soon it wasn't enough. So I gave more and more until the point that I was endangering myself with so much blood loss.

It was then that I decided to feed her... full meals. It started with small animals at first... and then cats and dogs. Soon I made the hard decision to invite homeless people into our home, knock them out, and give them to her. This went on for far too long before it really started to affect us. She felt like a monster and I did as well.

I love my wife and I would do anything for her, which brings me to now. I'm sitting here, writing this, shaking. There is literal blood on my hands as I try to compose myself. She asked me to do one last thing for her. I refused at first... because I loved her too much.

"If you love me," she began, looking me deep in my eyes, her now pale blues not blinking, "you will do this."

Tears fell from both of our eyes as I pulled her in close.

"I love you, Margaret," I whispered.

"I love you, Henry," she responded.

I could hear the squish as I drove the wooden stake in her heart. I trembled as I listened to her whimpers, gasps, and eventual silence. I broke down as her body melted away into liquid. I laid there in her remains, sobbing.

I sit here now, with nothing left but the warning about the creatures of fiction that are very much a reality. I write my confession of the crimes I have committed out of love. I say goodbye to any friends or loved ones that may be reading this. I loved her, and I did everything... for her.

The stalker

by BuBBleBuss

I was 16 and me and my friends I'll call Evan and Jake, wanted to rent a hotel for the night since it was spring break. We got to the hotel and checked in, it had a really funky smell but we still stayed there. Once we got to our room it was about 3:00 pm so we decided to go swimming, the pool was downstairs departed from the hotel Once we got to the entrance there was a man at least 6 foot 3 in all black with a hood covering his face Facing us, I panicked a little but not out loud. We got into the pool and swam for a few hours until we saw that man again, all black sitting on a chair by the pool. I cleared my throat, "umm can I help you, sir?" I asked. No response. I still was a little paranoid. 

I put my face in the water and at the bottom of the pool was another figure that was all black. I screamed like a little girl and ran for the door. I looked back and saw nothing, not the guy in the chair or the guy under the pool. My friends thought I was just seeing things but I saw what I saw as clear as water. I didn't feel like swimming anymore so I decided to get dinner at a nearby restaurant. I got a table for me and my friends to sit at and there I saw once again the man all in black on the other side of the dining room and was staring at me. I have had enough. I went over there and I lost track of him and he took off. 

After we at I decided this trip has gone too far and we should leave tomorrow morning but my friends didn't like that idea. Once it was 10:30, I and my friends doze off in the hotel room. I woke up to some noises. I saw a shadow of a figure at the end of my bed, I calmed myself down and told myself that it was my hat that I put there before I went to bed. I went to bed and got woken up again 30 minutes later to more noises. I was getting thirsty so I reached under the bed and tried to grab my water bottle but I grabbed something and I was totally shocked by what I grabbed. It was my hat. I was not ever more scared in my life I couldn't help but to scream at the top of my lungs when I heard a voice next to my ear say, "You're a bitch." I jumped out of bed and realized it was 2 men in black right there I tried to fight them but it was no use once they grabbed me and dragged me out of that room. 

I tried to scream but that guy was covering my mouth. I passed out and woken up in a stretcher. It turned out those guys knifed me while I passed out and someone caught them. But the doctor said no one could catch the guys who got me. To this day I always have a nightlight at night so I'm, not scared.

Pasta the point of no return

My name is Rex Daniels and this is the first instalment of my pasta themed trilogy. This book explores the dangers of spaghetti and its deeper meaning throughout life. This is my first time delving into the world of pasta because I’m used to more serious topics.

~by Rex Daniels

Vomit. Disgusting rancid barf. It’s all I can smell. It’s all I can see. It’s all I can taste. It’s all I can feel. It’s all I can hear emanating from Dave’s room. My phone rings causing a bomb to be detonated within my head. The shock hits me and I claw at my sheets desperate to disarm the device. I finally touch something but realise that my new, ridiculously expensive, phone is now covered in the product of last night’s events. I wipe the screen against my fandango pink pyjamas, but it just smudges the contents of my stomach all over the phone. I just about manage to remove enough of the sick to answer the call. However, the terrible high-pitched noise of the call is replaced by something even worse, my mother’s ear-piercing scream. I try to listen, but my brain disengages, and I miss most of the lecture about my ‘over-elaborate’ way of celebrating. Frankly, she’s right because the morning after the best day of my life I’m sat in my dorm in a pool of my own sick with no recollection of the events that led me to this unfortunate point. Three years of studying and dedication with no partying, and I throw all my dignity out of the window in one night.

I feel sick of wallowing in self-pity, so summon all my strength to push myself up. As I stumble towards the door, I recognise another horrific odour but not the same one that occupied my bed. I walk through the door, feeling my nausea become even more unbearable with every step I take. Somehow, I maintain my balance but as my foot reaches the floor of the shared living quarters, I instantly regret leaving my room. David’s retching has become even louder and inevitably more unbearable. However, my focus is on the sticky substance which my foot has just landed in. I pick my foot up and inspect it but the drummer inside of my head does not let me summon enough concentration to come to a sensible conclusion. Looking down at my foot, I catch sight of a red mark that covers much of my left arm. It dawns on me that this scarlet red substance could be blood.

I start to focus on the barbaric noises coming from the room opposite me. Without a second thought, I lunge towards the maple oak door handle and twist it not knowing what to expect. Dave is in a crumpled heap next to a waste bin which he obviously abandoned after he realised there was no point in trying to protect his already worse for wear carpet. He doesn’t realise that I’m stood metres away from him. I start to ask if he remembers the night before, but he’s in no state to answer.

A white pasta dish which my mom gave to me as a moving in present, sits next to Dave. Three years of university and the only suitably nutritious meal I could ever make without risking the lives of the people in the building was spaghetti Bolognese. The same spaghetti Bolognese which was there in front of me. Everything starts to add up and it becomes clear that nobody died at my hands. A drunken mess, I had cooked a meal and burned myself in the process. I no longer feel the constant urge to be sick. All I want is spaghetti.

Recognize this?

Well...You SHOULD!

I think that The Partridge Family really are under-rated. With David Cassidy and Shirley Jones at the helm... The Partridge Family music was and is all about feeling good... C'Mon Get Happy! Their music was and is really good... At least as far as I am concerned... Point Me In The Direction of Albuquerque - a most excellent song!

I always had a crush on Mrs. Partridge! (Ok, maybe David Cassidy as well... ;-)

Click on David for his official site


Click Above for some more on The Partridge Family.

PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Where do pets come from?

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to the question "Where do pets come from?"

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal.

And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

 And Cat didn't give a sh*t one way or the other.

Old Cowboy

  An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.

As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Can You See it?

There is a hidden picture inside the picture below. It can be seen in 3D without 3D glasses! Take a hard look and see if you can find the 'hidden shark'...

*Magic Eye

Riddle Me This!

Of no use to one

Yet absolute bliss to two.

The small boy gets it for nothing.

The young man has to lie for it.

The old man has to buy it.

The baby's right,

The lover's privilege,

The hypocrite's mask.

To the young girl, faith;

To the married woman, hope;

To the old maid, charity.

Click above for the answer.

Can you find the hidden SpongeBob?

Click here for help

The Tricorder

A tricorder is a science fiction prop designed for the Star Trek television series by Wah Chang. In the story universe the multifunction hand-held device performs sensor environment scans, data recording, and data analysis--hence the word "tricorder" to refer to the three functions of sensing, recording, and computing. In Star Trek stories the devices are issued by the fictional Starfleet organization.

A device that I would love to have! Too bad its a prop and likely could never be created to actually work. 

The tricorder can do almost anything. In addition to medical uses it can detect force fields and even humanoids. It can be configured to emit "life signs" of other species. It can be configured to be used as a weapon! 

For more information, click here.

Latinum

Latinum is a rare silver liquid used as currency by many worlds on Star Trek, most notably the Ferengi Alliance. Latinum cannot be replicated and the reasons for its rarity are unknown. Latinum is usually suspended within the element gold to produce the currency Gold Pressed Latinum.

There are several different sizes of gold pressed Latinum: slips, strips, bars and bricks. Here’s how they relate to each other:

100 slips = 1 strip

 20 strips = 1 bar

 1 bar = 2000 slips

 1 brick = ? (no one knows)

Making Pancakes

Six-year-old Brandon decided one Saturday morning to fix his parents pancakes. He found a big bowl and spoon, pulled a chair to the counter, opened the cupboard and pulled out the heavy flour canister, spilling it on the floor.

He scooped some of the flour into the bowl with his hands, mixed in most of a cup of milk and added some sugar, leaving a floury trail on the floor which by now had a few tracks left by his kitten.

Brandon was covered with flour and getting frustrated. He wanted this to be something very good for Mom and Dad, but it was getting very bad.

He didn't know what to do next, whether to put it all into the oven or on the stove and he didn't know how the stove worked! Suddenly he saw his kitten licking from the bowl of mix and reached to push her away, knocking the egg carton to the floor. Frantically he tried to clean up this monumental mess but slipped on the eggs, getting his pajamas white and sticky.

And just then he saw Dad standing at the door. Big crocodile tears welled up in Brandon's eyes. All he'd wanted to do was something good, but he'd made a terrible mess. He was sure a scolding was coming, maybe even a spanking. But his father just watched him.

Then, walking through the mess, he picked up his crying son, hugged him and loved him, getting his own pajamas white and sticky in the process!

That's how God deals with us.. We try to do something good in life, but it turns into a mess. Our marriage gets all sticky or we insult a friend, or we can't stand our job, or our health goes sour.

Sometimes we just stand there in tears because we can't think of anything else to do. That's when God picks us up and loves us and forgives us, even though some of our mess gets all over Him.

But just because we might mess up, we can't stop trying to "make pancakes" for God or for others. Sooner or later we'll get it right, and then they'll be glad we tried...

I was thinking. and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that need rekindling or three words needing to be said, sometimes, "I love you" can heal & bless! Remind every one of your friends that you love them. Even if you think they don't love back, you would be amazed at what those three little words, a smile, and a reminder like this can do.

*Beautiful! Thanks, Pam!