***Disclaimer***

Disclaimer: The Wizard of 'OZ' makes no money from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow. 'OZ' is 100 % paid ad-free

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

I went to a party

I went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom
So I had a sprite instead.


I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
That I didn't drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.



I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.



I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming,
Mom Something I expected least.



Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
The kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.



My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
This girl is going to die.



I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.



So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.



Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave,
And when I go to heaven,
Put "Mommy 's Girl" on my grave.



Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had, I'd still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom


I'm getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And I'm so unprepared.


I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, "I love you, Mom!"


So I love you and good-bye.


Click here to go to the MADD homepage

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Happy YULE!


Yule Log - Happy Re-Birth!

I hear the wind howling
The ice has entered my soul
The cold seems endless
The darkness black as coal.


Yet a spark of something
Shines bright through the night
Could it be the dawning
Of approaching light?


For it’s always coldest
In the hours before dawn
Darkness is its deepest,
Facing fears we’ve drawn


How can loneliness dwell
With loved ones nearby?
Why the tiny doubts
Filling me with their cries?


So I turn my face away
Forget the winter’s chill
Celebrate Sun’s return
As my spirit thrills.

by Elspeth Sapphire


May the Blessings of the ONE be with you at this special time of year. The Wizard is feeling better and will start posting on 'OZ' again really soon. Take a look sometime soon in the New Year for more and frequent updates. Thanks again to my loyal readers who are part in parcel of me deciding to return to "The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow" You know who you are!

Take care,

--The Wizard

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Mama

It's been 2 years Mama

It's been two years, Mama
It still doesn't feel real
Sometimes I think of you
and want to just pick up the phone
to say hello..

Mama thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times
I forgot

Mama remember all my life
You showed me love,You sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed
along the way

And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
I miss you, I miss you

Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong
Dry your eyes

Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed
Along the way
And I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama

*Il Divo, Mama

From The Emerald City


The Emerald City


Ding Dong! The blog is dead. Which old blog? The Wizard's blog!
Ding Dong! The Wizard's blog is dead.
Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, the Wizard's blog is dead. He's gone where the goblins go,
Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know
The Wizard's blog is dead!


I have decided to end posting on 'OZ'. I will keep the blog up for those interested in reading the past posts etc. And you can always reach me by email, by clicking on the picture of the Wizard at the top of 'OZ'...

Many thanks to my loyal readers. It was fun, but I am just too tired to keep it going.

Yours,

--The Wizard

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Art For Art's Sake!

Click here to see some GREAT ART!

Click Above For Some GREAT ART!!

DAFFY-NITIONS

Click here for Daffy-Nitions!
Click above for some Daffy-Nitions.

TRUISMS & THOUGHTS FOR TODAY ......


-SAVE THE WHALES. COLLECT THE WHOLE SET.

-A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, NIGHT.

-ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FINGERS.

-I JUST GOT LOST IN THOUGHT. IT WASN'T FAMILIAR TERRITORY.

-42.7 PERCENT OF ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT.

-99 PERCENT OF LAWYERS GIVE THE REST A BAD NAME.

-I FEEL LIKE I'M DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.

-HONK IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET.

-REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE BELOW AVERAGE.

-HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, THINKS SLOWEST.

-DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM.

-THE EARLY BIRD MAY GET THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE CHEESE.

-I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.

-SUPPORT BACTERIA. THEY'RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.

-MONDAY IS AN AWFUL WAY TO SPEND 1/7 OF YOUR WEEK.

-A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS USUALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY.

-CHANGE IS INEVITABLE, EXCEPT FROM VENDING MACHINES.

-GET A NEW CAR FOR YOUR SPOUSE. IT'LL BE A GREAT TRADE!

-PLAN TO BE SPONTANEOUS TOMORROW.

-ALWAYS TRY TO BE MODEST, AND BE PROUD OF IT!

-IF YOU THINK NOBODY CARES, TRY MISSING A COUPLE OF PAYMENTS.

-HOW MANY OF YOU BELIEVE IN PSYCHO-KINESIS? RAISE MY HAND.

-OK, SO WHAT'S THE SPEED OF DARK?

-HOW DO YOU TELL WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF INVISIBLE INK?

-IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY OVERLOOKED SOMETHING.

-WHEN EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE.

-HARD WORK PAYS OFF IN THE FUTURE. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW.

-EVERYONE HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. SOME JUST DO NOT HAVE FILM.

-IF BARBIE IS SO POPULAR, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HER FRIENDS?

-HOW MUCH DEEPER WOULD THE OCEAN BE WITHOUT SPONGES?

-EAGLES MAY SOAR, BUT WEASELS DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO JET ENGINES.

-WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?

-I USED TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND BUT MY BRAINS KEPT FALLING OUT.

-I COULDN'T REPAIR YOUR BRAKES,SO I MADE YOUR HORN LOUDER.

-WHY DO PSYCHICS HAVE TO ASK YOU FOR YOUR NAME?

-INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER PERSON WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED.

-JUST REMEMBER - IF THE WORLD DID NOT SUCK, WE WOULD ALL FALL OFF.

-LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, WHICH IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK.


Can You Spot The Differences?

Why U.S. Navy Seals are better than the Iraqi Navy Seals... Click on each!

U.S.

IRAQ
and then there's Canada's...What aboot Canada, eh?

CANADA

Yee Haaa!!

Finally!


Your story has touched my heart!

Prime Minister


A man on his way home from work in downtown Ottawa came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"

The Officer replies, "The Prime Minister is just so depressed about the corruption scandals that he stopped his limo in the middle of the freeway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire.

He says the country hates him and he can't quit because he hasn't a big enough pension to retire.

I'm walking round taking up a collection for him".

"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"

"So far only about a hundred liters but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning."Hyuk!


Bottle Of Wine


Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.


As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.



Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.



"What's in the bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."



The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade!"


Sheep Game - Test Your Reflexes!


Click here

Click above to play!

I Calls Them As I Sees Them....


---Public Service Announcement---

Pierced Glasses


waiting



waiting for the time to die
some day it will come
to wipe away the hardships of life
to fill everything with peace
contentment
to take away the worries and tears
the heartache and misery
i lie awake at night wondering
how long will it be
before relief finally comes
to whisk away the cares of life
to free the soul from its pain
from the emptiness life has become
not tonight it would seem
the mind wrapped in anguish
tears streaming down
with no relief seemingly in sight
tormented to exist longer
to go on for at least another day
waiting, always waiting
for sweet release to come


*by smokey13, AllPOETRY.com

Overheard in an office...


"That's so gay! I mean really stupid! That's soooo gay!" she said.

"Yeah, gay is stupid." he said.

"It was just a stupid setting and he had me doing all this work for him," she said, "That just so gay!"


--moral of the story: at least 1 in 10 in your office may be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered. And even though it may be meant that the word 'gay' is to be understood as 'lame' or 'stupid', it may still bother one of us.

Thanks for listening.

--The Wizard.


Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Riddle Me This!


What do blondes and Jack-O-Lanterns have in common?


Riddle me this! -Answer. Click here

Click above for the answer.

A Man Needs His Remote!


This is one big remote! Click on the image to see a larger sized version of this behemoth!

Click here to see the realsize of this behemoth!

Note: The dimensions truly are 5" X 11"!!

Screen Cleaners


To clean the dingyness and finger prints from your computer screen, (works on LCD's as well)...



Exotic creatures found in 'coral triangle'


Expedition to diverse sea may have turned up new species, scientists say

By Oliver Teves

MANILA, Philippines - U.S. and Philippine scientists may have discovered new marine species in the world's most biologically diverse region, their expedition leader said Tuesday.

Larry Madin, who led the Inner Space Speciation Project in the Celebes Sea south of the Philippines, said scientists had been to one of the world's deep-ocean basins in search of organisms that may have been isolated there for millions of years.

Madin, of the Massachusetts-based Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution, or WHOI, said the Celebes Sea is at the heart of the "coral triangle" bordered by the Philippines, Malaysia and Indonesia — a region recognized by scientists as having the greatest degree of biological diversity of the coral reef community of fish and other marine life.

The deepest part of the Celebes Sea is 16,500 feet (5,000 meters). The team was able to explore to a depth of 9,186 feet (2,800 meters) using a remotely operated camera.

"This is probably the center where many of the species evolved and spread to otherSea Creature? parts of the ocean, so it's going back to the source in many ways," he told a group of journalists, government officials, students and U.S. Ambassador Kristie Kenney and her staff.

Madin led the project that involved WHOI and National Geographic Magazine in cooperation with the Philippine government, which also provided the exploration ship.

The expedition included over two dozen U.S. and Philippine scientists and a group from National Geographic — including underwater photographer Emory Kristof, who teamed with noted underwater explorer Robert Ballard of WHOI in 1985 to find the wreckage of the Titanic.

The team returned to Manila on Tuesday after spending about two weeks in the Celebes Sea off Tawi-Tawi, the Philippines’ southernmost provincial archipelago, about 687 miles (1,100 kilometers) south of Manila.

Madin said they had collected about 100 different specimens, including several possibly newly discovered species. One was a sea cucumber that is nearly transparent which could swim by bending its elongated body. Another was an unusually black jellyfish that was found near the bottom of the sea. But the most striking creature they found was a spiny orange-colored worm that had 10 tentacles like a squid, he said.

"We don't know what it is ... it might be something new," he said.

--more--


*MSNBC.com

A History Lesson

The Wizard was watching 'Dances with Wolves' and got curious about the Sioux and The Lakota People. So I did some research and thought it should go in 'OZ'.. so here it is:

Lakota son

The ways of the Lakota have been passed down from generation to generation, long before the white man first stepped onto North American soil. An important part of Lakota culture focuses on the larger community of their people, as represented by the council fires. For this community of the Great Plains, the buffalo was not only key to Lakota survival, it also held great spiritual significance.

In the tradition of their ancestors, the Lakota family extends beyond the parents and their children: younger generations learn from their elders, who hold the wisdom of the tribe. The Lakota way places an emphasis on home, and spirituality plays a role in every action. Read more about the Lakota traditions that continue to this day among the families of the Pine Ridge Reservation.

The People


Michael Littleboy and son

The Lakota people belong to the larger group Oceti Sakowin (meaning "the seven places of fire"), called the Sioux by the white man after the Chippewa (Ojibwa) word for their enemies "nadouessioux," meaning "little snakes." Legend tells that long ago at a sacred lake, Sun (Wi), who appears as fire on earth, revealed the tribal organization to the Sioux people. Thus began the tradition of the seven council fires, the Lakota among them.


Lakota is one of the three similar languages spoken by the Sioux; the others are Dakota and Nakota. The Lakota are made up of seven bands: Oglala ("dust scatterers"), Sicanju (or Brulé, "burnt thighs"), Hunkpapa ("end of the circle"), Miniconjous ("planters beside the stream"), Sihasapa (or Blackfeet, different from the Blackfeet tribe), Itazipacola (or Sans Arc, "without bows") and Oohenupa ("two kettles").

The Buffalo

"We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as 'wild.' ...To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery."
- Luther Standing Bear, chief of the Oglala Lakota, 1905-1939

Lakota people are also called Teton Sioux or Titunwan, meaning "who live on the prairie." The name recalls the migration of the tribe from the woods of Minnesota to the Black Hills of the great plains territories, where they learned to live with the buffalo. On the wide open lands Tatanka, the spirit in the form of the buffalo, provided for both body and soul. Hunters ate the fresh liver of the newly killed buffalo, and boiled, roasted and dried meat nourished the entire village. The Lakota used buffalo hide for clothing, tipis and shrouds for their prayer lodge. They made saddles, tools and weapons from the bones. They carried water in buffalo bladders and used buffalo droppings for incense and fuel. Every part of the animal served a purpose, down to the hooves, which were made into glue. The Lakota would not dishonor the Earth by wasting a single portion of Tatanka's precious gift.

Little Wound, wife and son studio portrait, 1899 (Denver Public Library, Western History Collection)

The Family

Lakota Symbol

"The old Lakota was wise. He knew that a man's heart away from Nature becomes hard; he knew that lack of respect for growing, living things soon lead to a lack of respect for humans too."
- Luther Standing Bear, chief of the Oglala Lakota, 1905-1939

Kinship is central to the Lakota way of life. Courage, fortitude, wisdom and generosity are among the most celebrated virtues. The Lakota learn these traits from their elders and prove them in their daily lives. Every act and judgment is considered in terms of its duty and benefit to the extended family, which often includes hundreds of people. The worst insult a Lakota can give is to say "you live as if you had no relatives."

The Home

"There was once a Lakota holy man, called Drinks Water, who dreamed what was to be....He dreamed that the four-leggeds were going back to the Earth, and that a strange race would weave a web all around the Lakotas. He said, 'You shall live in square gray houses, in a barren land....' Sometimes dreams are wiser than waking."
-Black Elk (1863-1950), holy man of the Oglala Lakota, written in 1932

(Denver Public Library, Western History Collection)

The tradition of the Lakota household dates back to an ancient legend. Wisdom (Ksa) created the first lodge, which had a circular floor. He placed the fire from Sun (Wi) in the center. The door faced east, giving honor to the rising sun. Traditional lodges still follow this plan. In individual tipis, the husband sleeps on the west side of his wife, who is in charge of the household. They keep their belongings by the wall near their respective sleeping places. Movement within the tipi should always be in the direction of the sun (clockwise). A good guest sits to the right of the door until invited to move further inside. Wood and water are stored on the left. Keeping things in good order is of vital importance.

Spirituality

"In an eagle there is all the wisdom of the world."
- Lame Deer, Miniconjou Lakota

Eagle image belongs to all Indigenous Peoples (compiled by Glenn Welker)

Lakota religion is polytheistic, that is, believing in many gods or spirits. Nature and cosmology play an important role: before the creation of the earth, the gods lived in a celestial realm and humans in a subterranean world without culture. On earth, spirits reside in every part of the natural world. Among the gods are Something That Moves (Takushkanshkan); Sun (Wi); Moon, who is married to Sun; and their daughter Falling Star (Wohpe). Other spirits include Spider (Inktomi), Old Man and Old Woman, and their daughter Face (Ite), who is married to Wind and has four sons, the Four Winds.

Reflecting the elements earth, fire, air and water and the seasons winter, spring, summer and fall, the number four is an essential symbol of Lakota spirituality. It also represents the directions north, south, east and west and the four races: red, black, white and yellow. Another important symbol is the circle, the foundation for the traditional house, the tipi. In the Lakota way, everything is circular in the journey of life and death. Time passes slowly in the full observation of life. Man and nature live in concert with one another, rather than in a struggle for domination.

From the legend of the White Buffalo Calf Woman came the tradition of the seven sacred rites and the smoking of the sacred pipe. The seven rites are the Keeping of the Soul, Sweat Lodge, Vision Quest, Sun Dance, Making Relatives, Puberty Ceremony and Throwing of the Ball. All but the latter have survived among contemporary Lakota people, despite being periodically outlawed by the U.S. government. When the White Buffalo Calf Woman appeared to the people, she told them that in a time of need, they should smoke from the pipe adorned with eagle feathers, and the smoke would carry their prayers upward to the gods.

Seven Sacred Rites of the Lakota Sioux

1. The Keeping of the Soul: Nagi Gluhapi Na Nagi Gluxkapi
In order to reconcile the death of a loved one, this ritual permits the resolution of things left undone, the healing of the Spirit and growth for the greater community. It allows the transition of the deceased into the Spirit World.

2. The Rite of Purification (Sweat Lodge): Inipi
In this ritual, the smoke from the pipe, the heat and steam from the fire in the sweat lodge, and ancient rituals release guilt, burdens and evil from the participant, bringing him closer to Wakan Tanka (the Great Spirit).

3. Crying for a Vision (Vision Quest): Hanblecheyapi
The Vision Quest gives the participant responsibility for setting and honoring limits. After a period of fasting, the participant focuses on prayer in order to hear "the voice of the Sacred."

4. The Sun Dance: Wiwanyag Wachipi
In a ceremony that involves abstaining from food and water and dancing for four days, participants endure suffering - formerly shedding their own blood - so that others will not suffer. The suffering can be symbolic, spiritual or, as in the past, very real.

5. The Making of Relatives: Hunkapi
Through prayer to Wakan Tanka (the Great Spirit), the exchange of sacramental food and smoking from the sacred pipe, an enduring bond of community is formed between people.

6. Preparing a Girl for Womanhood (Puberty Rite): Ishna Ta Awi Cha Lowan
This puberty ceremony purifies a girl who has her first menstrual perdiod, preparing her for womanhood and childbirth. In a tipi built by the girl's family, a holy man conducts the ritual with the proper sacred objects, including a buffalo skull painted red.

7. Throwing of the Ball: Tapa Wanka Yap
This former rite, performed only by women, used a ball filled with buffalo hair covered with a red-and-blue painted buffalo, which represented the material and spiritual aspects of the universe. In order to receive a great blessing, participants must choose to reach for the ball, while acknowledging that not everyone will catch it.

A Contemporary Rite Yuwipi
Used for healing, divining, and for finding lost persons or objects, this nighttime ceremony involves a holy man whose hands are tied behind his back and whose body is wrapped in a blanket and tied with ropes. The lights are extinguished while the holy man prays audibly and the spectators sit holding hands in a circle. When the lights are turned back on, the holy man is free from his bindings, released by the spirits

The SteamRoom


An American, a Japanese and a Newfie were sitting naked in a sauna when suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The American pressed his forearm, and the beep stopped.

The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager" he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear.

When he finished he explained: "That was my mobile phone, I have a microchip in my hand."

The Newfie felt decidedly low-tech, but not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive.

He stepped out of the sauna and went to the toilet.

He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.

The Newfie finally said: "Well, will you look at that! I'm getting a fax."


Male Drivers


If My Body Was A Car


If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.


My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick. My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood...


Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course. I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?


My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was.

I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.


But here's the worst of it...almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter...my radiator leaks!

--This essay was written by Linda S Amstutz in 2003, originally entitled "Trade In Wanted" and published by the Ozark Senior Living Newspaper in November 2003.

You Know You're In Saskatchewan When...



Click on it for the full size image

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Riddle Me This!


With pointed fangs it sits in wait,
With piercing force its doles out fate,
Over bloodless victims proclaiming its might,
Eternally joining in a single bite.
What am I?


Riddle me this! -Answer. Click here

Click above for the answer.

WOLF FM

Listen to the hottest hits from the 70's, 80's, and today online!


WOLF FM, is located in Nashville, Tennessee and despite its name is not found on the FM dial but on the global Internet. The loyal listeners (The Wizard is one of them!) of The WOLF tune in from around the globe to listen to the hottest mix of 70s, 80s, and today's hits broadcast 24 hours a day. WOLF FM was founded and is programmed and managed by Steve Wolf, an experienced broadcaster.

WOLF QuickLaunch - Launch the WOLF streams quickly and easily. Click here

Launch the WOLF-FM player directly from a shortcut on your desktop! Simply download and install the Quicklaunch software and you are ready to go! After installation, a shortcut will be created on your desktop. Double-click the shortcut, and the WOLF player will start the stream. Best of all... its great and FREE!

WOLF Quicklaunch works on Windows 98, ME, 2000, and XP
(does not work with Windows 95 or NT)


Be Afraid... Be Very Afraid...


The Sesame Street Gang

Cliff Notes


If you were to go back in history and take every president, you'll find that the numerical value of each letter in their name was equally divisible into the year in which they were elected. By my calculations, our next president has to be named Yellnick McWawa.


The Wizard takes a stab at Fast Food...

I Don't Ask Much....


You Know The Rules


Freddie Mercury, Gianni Versace and the Queen Mum arrive at the Pearly gates, St Peter explains that only one can get through and that they each have to put forward their case for entry.


Freddie says, "I know I haven't led a perfect life and I've made some mistakes along the way, but I've made some of the most beautiful music in the world. I'll stand at the back of heaven, and serenade everybody with my wondrous songs, making heaven a far happier place to be."

"Pretty good, Fred" said St Peter, "what about you Gianni?"

Versace says, "I make the most beautiful clothes in the world. I will completely redesign the fashions up here, from the archangels to the cherub to the choirboys. As you well know Pete if you look good you will feel good and that will make heaven a much happier place."

"Not bad" says St Peter. "What about you Queen Mum?"

The Queen Mum does not say a word, instead she lifts up her skirt and pulls down her knickers, inserts a full bottle of Evian water into her "kitty-cat", lets the water shoot up inside her and then gush out all over the floor.

"Excellent, you're in!" says St Peter.

"Hold on a f*cking minute!" says Freddie. "She didn't even say anything!"

"Fred you know the rules," says St Peter, "A royal flush beats a pair of Queens..."

BURGER KING ANNOUNCES THE 'LEFT-HANDED WHOPPER'!



Left-Handed Whopper ---- Right-Handed Whopper

Today Burger King announced the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans and 5 million left-handed Canadians.

According to the advertisement, the new whopper includes the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments are rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers.

You will always get a right-handed Whopper, unless you request the left-handed one.

Spokespersons at McDonald's and Wendy's think that 'The King' is way out in left field and McDonald's does not intend to introduce the left-handed Big-Mac as that would confuse their workers and would require a major computer systems overhaul. Wendy's spokespeople mentioned that Dave Thomas (Founder) , had once tried the left-handed Frosty, but sales were cool.

The Awful Truth - REVEALED!


Office Rage


Forget about "going postal" the real workplace rage is in the office. A British employment agency has discovered that office workers are seething with pent up anger.

More than half of all office staff in the UK say they have become so angry at work they have nearly punched a colleague.

Some 53% of workers have been brought to the brink of violence by "office rage", with loud-mouthed colleagues cited as the main cause.

Malfunctioning computers, excessive workloads and interruptions during telephone conversations were also found to make employees' blood boil.

The research, carried out by recruitment firm Pertemps, found that women were the most likely to nearly resort to violence while their male colleagues were more inclined to shout.

Pertemps chairman Tim Watts said: "The latest annual British Crime Survey reveals 1.3 million incidents of violence at work, involving 604,000 workers.

Regular consultation between employers and employees to identify potential areas of conflict is vital to prevent workers being pushed over the edge, he added.

The study, based on research among 450 office workers across Britain, found that 64% of those surveyed get angry at colleagues shouting across the office and talking over people at meetings.

IT problems caused 53% to lose their temper, followed by excessive workloads (51%) and interruptions while on the phone (37%).

Some 60% lost their temper regularly at work but although men shouted more than women (67% compared with 46%), women had the strongest desire to hit people who had upset them (51% compared with 39%).

Asked how they coped with anger, nearly a third of respondents (31%) said they ignored the person responsible.

Twenty per cent, the majority of whom were women, made a cup of tea, while 15% cursed under their breath.

Eight per cent admitted to hitting their malfunctioning computer.

The survey found that productivity is affected when staff are in a bad mood with 74% saying they did not work as well while angry.

Fifteen per cent said they worked slower when their boss was angry for fear of making a mistake.

Anger was said to have a detrimental effect on morale by 81% of respondents while 47% said longer hours, more responsibility and tighter deadlines had led to more cases of office rage in the last couple of years.

by John Bulloch, 365Gay.com Health


The Seven Wonders of the World

THE SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present "Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements,  the following received the most votes: 


1. Egypt's Great Pyramids 

2. Taj Mahal

3. Grand Canyon

4. Panama Canal 

5. Empire State Building 

6. St. Peter's Basilica 

7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if  she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied,  "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."

The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help.

"The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the 'Seven Wonders of the World' are:



1. To See


2. To Hear


3. To Touch


4. To Taste


5. To Feel


6. To Laugh


7. And to Love."

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.  The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous! 


A gentle reminder -- 
that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.