The 12 days of Halloween

 HAPPY HALLOWEENOn the first day of Halloween my best friend gave to me.
A boney witches knee.

On the second day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the third day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the fourth day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the fifth day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the sixth day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Six ghouls a dancing,
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the seventh day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Seven witches cooking,
Six ghouls a dancing,
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the eighth day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Eight ghosts a flying,
Seven witches cooking,
Six ghouls a dancing,
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the ninth day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Nine monsters dancing,
Eight ghosts a flying,
Seven witches cooking,
Six ghouls a dancing,
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the tenth day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Ten bats a hanging,
Nine monsters dancing,
Eight ghosts a flying,
Seven witches cooking,
Six ghouls a dancing,
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the eleventh day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Eleven Trick-or-treaters,
Ten bats a hanging,
Nine monsters dancing,
Eight ghosts a flying,
Seven witches cooking,
Six ghouls a dancing,
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the twelfth day of Halloween my best friend gave to me.
Twelve Jack-o-lanterns,
Eleven Trick-or-treaters,
Ten bats a hanging,
Nine monsters dancing,
Eight ghosts a flying,
Seven witches cooking,
Six ghouls a dancing,
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,                          
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.
 

Good Advice From My Advisary!

You Heard It Here First!

Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time. But are we sure they're blinking? Maybe they're winking!

 This one blinks with both eyes! LOL!

New Transportation

With gas prices going up, I had to purchase a new form of transportation...  "Cow-Asaki"

Native Woman Assasin

The CIA had an opening for a female assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 women finalists... a white woman, an black woman and a Cree Indian woman.
 
For the final test, the CIA agent took the White woman and handed her a gun...

We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Kill him." The White woman said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my husband." The agent said, "Then you're not the right woman for this job. Take your husband and go home"
 
The Black woman, was given the same instruction. She took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. Then she came out with tears in her eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my husband". The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your husband and go home."
 
Finally, it was the Cree Indian woman's turn. She was given the same instruction to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard... one shot after the other. They heard SCREAMING, CRASHING, AND BANGING ON THE WALLS. After a few minutes, all was quiet,the door opened slowly and there stood the Cree Indian woman.She wiped the sweat from her brow.... "This gun is loaded with blanks!! she said. "So I had to beat him to death with the chair."

New View Of Hurricane Wilma

Ghost Car

READ THE STORY FIRST BEFORE YOU PLAY THE VIDEO

---Strange but interesting---

This is a car advertisement from Great Britain. When they finished filming the ad, the film editor noticed something moving along the side of the car,like a ghostly white mist.

They found out that a person had been killed a year earlier in that exact same spot.The ad was never put on TV because of the unexplained ghostly phenomenon. Watch the front end of the car as it clears the trees in the middle of the screen and you'll see the white mist crossing in front of car then following it along the road....Spooky! Is it a ghost, or is it simply mist?

You decide.
If you listen to the ad you'll even hear the cameraman whispering the background about it near the end of the commercial. A little creepy.

The attraction to Wicca

 

Study of unique religion boosts this believer's sense of self

Dauna Ditson
The Regina Sun
October 30, 2005

While youngsters are collecting candy on Halloween dressed as scary witches and goblins, modern-day witches – called Wiccans – will be celebrating the dead.
      
Tammy, a Wiccan who asked that her last name not be revealed because she "hasn't fully come out of the broom-closet yet," said she and her coven – a congregation of Wiccans – will welcome Samhain, the day of the dead, with a ceremony in remembrance of their ancestors.

People who aren't familiar with pagan spirituality often have misconceptions of what Wicca is, said Tammy. Contrary to pop culture, Wiccans do not serve, or even believe in, the devil, demons, or hell, she said, although they do believe in gods.

All religions worship the same divine being, but have their own ways of interpreting that being, Tammy said.  Because of those differences, she said "I would feel uncomfortable if a Christian was praying for my soul."

Tammy uses magic.  In her opinion, performing spells is no creepier than praying, because it's just asking a spiritual power for help, she said. Tammy said she does a variety of spells, including spells for healing, protection, fertility, and money.

Wiccans are very cautious with their spells, she pointed out. They are not allowed to use magic to hurt others or themselves.  As well, she never does spells on other people without their permission, she said.

Many Wiccans believe their actions have karma-like consequences.  Magic done to others comes back three times stronger on the one who performed the spell, Tammy explained. Because spells can have consequences, Tammy said, "you have to make sure know what you want before you ask for it."

Tammy's described a situation during which her fellow Wiccans' magic go out of control.  Several individual Wiccans performed weather spells on a hot summer day, she said, asking for relief from the heat.  But because so many of them did the spell, thinking they were doing it on their own, the spells backfired caused a big storm, Tammy said.

Because she never knows exactly what will happen, Tammy said she prefers to avoid the more controversial spells like those for weather or love. Tammy described herself as quite a skeptical person, but added that she's experienced magic "one too many times to not believe."

For example, after her friend did a fertility spell, the woman because pregnant with twins.  And after Tammy did a spell on her husband, he got the promotion she asked for, she said.

Tammy grew up as a Roman Catholic and went to church with her grandparents.  When she was around 12 or 13, she said she stopped going to church because no one could answer her questions.  Around this time, Tammy said she because curious about the occult and the supernatural world. After studying many religions, Tammy decided to become a Wiccan 10 years ago.

Wicca is a form of pagan spirituality that involves worshiping a god and goddess, celebrating nature and the seasons, and taking care of the earth, she explained.  Wiccans honour their god and goddess when they perform acts like composting, feeding the birds, and volunteering in the community.  While recognizing the elements of fire, water, earth, air, and spirit, Tammy summoned air, and said suddenly "it was like somebody put the air-conditioning on."

She said her experiences while worshipping vary.  For example, sometimes she sees a lady in white, feels someone holding her hands, or just feels there's a presence near her. Tammy said she appreciates being part of a coven because talking with others helps validate her own experiences.  "It makes you feel better because then you don't think you're crazy," she said.

Tammy said she enjoys how empowering Wicca is and feels more in control of her life since discovering her spiritual side.

"I have more of a sense of myself", she said, explaining that being Wiccan has improved her self-esteem because now she has a supernatural support system.

Canada To Invade Mars

Canada announces plans to invade Mars with weather station acclimatized to freezing temperatures, lack of intelligent life. Station was tested in Winnipeg, so scientists confidently assured it will work...

 "Winterpeg"

Boobies!!

Click here.

THE HIGHEST BRIDGE IN THE WORLD !!!!

There was a really good documentary on the construction of this on Discovery or TLC some time ago. It is located in southern France, and is the highest bridge in the world. See: It is a truly amazing piece of engineering, especially considering the method used to span the distance between the piers. By the way, the red towers you see in the photo were removed following completion of the bridge. Click on the images for a larger version

Be sure to maximize your screen for this. They haven't printed enough money to pay me to drive across this bridge!! It is 787 feet above the ground...

Freaky!

This is freaky, interesting and scary all in one!

Read down to the very bottom, you don't want to miss this!

   VERY INTERESTING -

   1. The garden of Eden was in Iraq.

   2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

   3. Noah built the ark in Iraq.

   4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq

   5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!

   6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq!

   7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq.

   8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq.

   9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

   10. Amos cried out in Iraq!

   11. Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem.

   12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq!

   13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the fiery furnace!)

   14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the "writing on the wall" in Iraq.

   15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

   16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq.

   17. The wise men were from Iraq.

   18. Peter preached in Iraq.

   19. The "Empire of Man" described in Revelation is called Babylon, which was a city in Iraq!

   And you have probably seen this one. Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible. But do you know which nation is second? It is Iraq! However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.. The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia. The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. The name Iraq, means country with deep roots.

   Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.

   No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated it than Iraq.

   And also... This is something to think about! Since America is typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages...

   The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)

   Koran (9:11) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, wh ile some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.
   
   (Note the verse number!) HMMMMM!?

Chinese Food

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

You're going to love this....................



" Ah... so sorry," says the waiter,



"I bring you Peking Duck.

Deer Hunting

 

What Mom Took

Most often when I think of you,
I think of what You've given
The softness of a loving touch, a gentle
guide for living,
A nightly tip toe in a room, an
understanding look

You've gone to where I can't see you Mom,
But I will feel you every day
I can't help but be sad, for the world, Mom
For I feel your time was cut too short
Many more years you should've had left to stay
But in my heart you will live much longer
And never go away

But sometimes when I think of You……
I think of what you took.
You took a child and taught him how to live his
life with pride.

You took his kindergarten tears and kept them deep inside.
You took the hands that longed to hold
her child and not let go,
Used them to push her child along the way,
to thrive and grow.

You took time to do some other things,
like sew and clean and cook,
And never thought to ask for thanks.
For all the things you took.

Thanks Mom

Prayer of Passage

For My Mom

Oh Goddess
There is great sadness
A cherished one has gone

Emptyness engulfs me
Loss languishes within
Help me bear this grief

Accompany their spirit
Comfort I who grieve
Let me rejoice in their life

May their essence be recorded
In the Great Book of Shadows
Renew my rememberance with joy

Camilla Queen

Click above

Listen to the mp3 here.

Birds Do It.. Bees Do It...

 Even The Cows Do It!

That's My Boy!

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him.

Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach Ole Blue how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course."

So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.

"So how's Ole Blue doing, son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, dad, he's talking ! up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ!?" says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class. "

His father sends the money.

The boy has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that  little redhead who lives on Oak Street?'

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy"

Puerto Vallarta

 

Puerto Vallarta has become the hottest gay destination in Mexico.

Long sandy beaches filled with hot men from around the world, beautiful romantic ocean and mountain views, and a wide array of clubs and restaurants are like a pink magnet to Puerto Vallarta.

Situated on Mexico's west coast it is a popular stopping off point for gay cruises adding to the ever changing panorama of hunky men.

It is hard to believe that only a few years ago Puerto Vallarta was a small town based on agriculture and fishing.  

All that changed in 1963, when Hollywood director John Huston chose his site for the filming of Tennessee Williams' "The Night of the Iguana"  

Since then the population has grown from 12,500 to around 250,000 in 2002.

 Yet, despite its rapid-fire growth Puerto Vallarta has managed to retain its charm.  Cobblestone streets and white stucco houses give the old city a lovely European charm.  

Wandering around on foot is easy, and Puerto Vallarta is one of the safest cities in North America.  

There are plenty of wonderful gay hotels and bed and breakfasts.  One of my favorites is Villa David, a lovely B&B at 348 Calle Galeana y Miramar.

Located in a quiet neighborhood it is within easy walking distance of all the finest attractions in Puerto Vallarta.  

The hacienda-style home is built around a central courtyard in Gringo Gulch on the hillside overlooking the beautiful Bay of Banderas.

The popular Los Muertos Beach is approximately a ten-minute walk for daylight swimming, sunning and entertainment.

Puerto Vallarta night life is centered on the Malecon (Boardwalk) area which is also within easy walking distance, saving time as well as bus or taxi fare and providing a chance to enjoy the beautiful city on foot.

Staying in the town allows an opportunity to interface with the friendly Mexican people.

*by John David Wilson III, 365Gay.com Travel Editor

The top 10 deadliest animals

Pythons 0.5 deaths per year


Hogs 0.6 deaths per year


Tigers 0.6 deaths per year


Elephants 1.0 death per year


Birds 5.2 deaths per year


Insects 8.4 deaths per year


Dogs 16 deaths per year


Cattle 28.4 deaths per year


Deer 130 deaths per year


Horses, 219 annual deaths to humans in accidents and other incidents

--Note that the most scary animals count for the LEAST number of deaths... and it's funny that "Alabamius Redneckus " does not hit the list... (Use Google to look that one up! ;-)

IF "GOD" EXISTS

"GOD" ALLOWS EVIL 

"GOD" IS POWERLESS 

"GOD" IS A SADIST 

"GOD" IS BLIND 

"GOD" IS UNFEELING 

HE/SHE IS NOT MY "GOD" MY GODDESS AND GOD KNOW THE LIMITS OF THEIR POWER... THEY CANNOT HELP, NOR DO I EXPECT THAT FROM THEM. MY GODDESS/GOD HAVE NEVER PROMISED THAT WHICH THEY CANNOT DELIVER. MY GODDESS/GOD HAVE NOT LIED TO ME.  

I WAS TAUGHT THE 'OTHER' "GOD" IS GOOD. HE/SHE IS NOT... CANNOT DOES NOT EXIST... PFFT!

IL DIVO

In 2001, an idea was conceived for a mould breaking quartet: 4 exceptional young men with formally trained voices who could take popular songs, old and new, to another level where the historic rift between pop and classical music is finally healed. The band were born in December 2003 after a worldwide search and christened Il Divo Note: this is an Italian word meaning ‘Divine Performer - or a male Diva’. Their multi-national identity reflects the universal appeal of the music.

Reflecting the multi-national character of the group, the songs are not all sung in English - but drift between Spanish, English and Italian. However they are worded, all use the emotional Esperanto of love.

Did I mention Il Divo is H-O-T! ? GOTO: IL DIVO's Official Site

For My Friends

Click above
Use your 'Back' button to return to 'OZ'

Hello there!

Thought I'd check in on you for a bit!

As I see there's nothing new going on.
Looking good though.
Wish you a wonderful day!

Happiness Is A Voyage

A Powerpoint Presentation.
Click above

REFLECTIONS - And then it is Winter

You know, time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was a young girl/boy, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all...

And I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams... But, here it is...the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...

How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my babies go? And where did my youth go?

I remember well... seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like...

But, here it is...husband retired and he's really getting gray...he moves slower and I see an older man now. He's in much better shape than me... but, I see the great change...

Not the one I married who was dark and young and strong... but, like me, his age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore...it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will...I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so, now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things.

But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...This I know, that when it's over...it's over....Yes , I have regrets ....There are things I wish I hadn't done ....things I should have done ..But indeed , there are many things I'm happy to have done ....It's all in a lifetime...

So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly!

Life goes by quickly So, do what you can today, because you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not!

You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for good today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...

"Life is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who came after. Make it a fantastic one."

LIVE IT WELL!!

~author unknown~

The Cat

  

You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one...

 A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.

The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night.

She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away.

"Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cabdriver hit a parked car...

Puppies for sale

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups. And set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.

"Mister," he said, "I want to buy "one of your puppies."

"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat of the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.

"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"

"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.

The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.

Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up....

"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.

Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.

Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.

"How much?" asked the little boy. "No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."

The world is full of people who need someone who understands.

SEX

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
--George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
--Sharon Stone

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
--Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson

" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humour)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'."
--Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
--Joan Rivers

" Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy."
--Steve Martin

" You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
--Elmo Phillips

" Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde

" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
--George Burns

*Thanks, Daryn!

Swing da bat

This takes a minute to open after being opened.

Swing da bat


Click to make the penguin jump and then click again in time to make the polar bear swing the bat to hit the penguin across the ice! Can become addictive !

The Wizard has scored 316.6 on the 14th try. Record your high scores under the comments...

mmmmuffins

 Click above

Did You Know.....

Locomotives are actually driven by ELECTRIC motors?

GM Electromotive SD70M

The diesel engine makes 3,200 horsepower, and the generator can turn this into almost 4,700 amps of electrical current. The four drive motors use this electricity to generate over 64,000 pounds of thrust. There is a completely separate V-16 engine and generator to provide electrical power for the rest of the train. This generator is called the head-end power unit. The one on this train can make over 560 kilowatts (kW) of electrical power.

This combination of diesel engine and electric generators and motors makes the locomotive a hybrid vehicle. In this article, we'll start by learning why locomotives are built this way and why they have steel wheels. Then we'll take a look at the layout and key components.

By going with a hybrid setup, the main diesel engine can run at a constant speed, turning an electrical generator. The generator sends electrical power to a traction motor at each axle, which powers the wheels. The traction motors can produce adequate torque at any speed, from a full stop to 110 mph (177 kph), without needing to change gears.

Steel Wheels

Ever wonder why trains have steel wheels, rather than tires like a car? It's to reduce rolling friction. When your car is driving on the freeway, something like 25 percent of the engine's power is being used to push the tires down the road. Tires bend and deform a lot as they roll, which uses a lot of energy.

The amount of energy used by the tires is proportional to the weight that is on them. Since a car is relatively light, this amount of energy is acceptable (you can buy low rolling-resistance tires for your car if you want to save a little gas).

Since a train weighs thousands of times more than a car, the rolling resistance is a huge factor in determining how much force it takes to pull the train.

The steel wheels on the train ride on a tiny contact patch -- the contact area between each wheel and the track is about the size of a dime, which isn't a whole lot larger than a tick:

The downside of using steel wheels is that they don't have much traction.

Traction

Traction when going around turns is not an issue because train wheels have flanges that keep them on the track. But traction when braking and accelerating is an issue.

In front of each wheel is a nozzle that uses compressed air to spray sand, which is stored in two tanks on the locomotive

This locomotive can generate 64,000 pounds of thrust. But in order for it to use this thrust effectively, the eight wheels on the locomotive have to be able to apply this thrust to the track without slipping. The locomotive uses a neat trick to increase the traction. In front of each wheel is a nozzle that uses compressed air to spray sand, which is stored in two tanks on the locomotive. The sand dramatically increases the traction of the drive wheels. The train has an electronic traction-control system that automatically starts the sand sprayers when the wheels slip or when the engineer makes an emergency stop. The system can also reduce the power of any traction motor whose wheels are slipping.

The Engine and Generator

The main engine in this locomotive is a General Motors 4,300 THP and the locomotive is equipped with EMD's 16-710G3C-T2 engine. The "710" means that each cylinder in this turbocharged, two-stroke, diesel V-16 has a displacement of 710 cubic inches (11.6 L). That's more than double the size of most of the biggest gasoline V-8 car engines -- and we're only talking about one of the 16 cylinders in this 3,200-hp engine.

The main engine in this locomotive is a General Motors EMD 710 series engine.

So why two-stroke? Even though this engine is huge, if it operated on the four-stroke diesel cycle, like most smaller diesel engines do, it would only make about half the power. This is because with the two-stroke cycle, there are twice as many combustion events (which produce the power) per revolution. It turns out that the diesel two-stoke engine is really much more elegant and efficient than the two-stroke gasoline engine.

You might be thinking, if this engine is about 24 times the size of a big V-8 car engine, and uses a two-stroke instead of a four-stroke cycle, why does it only make about 10 times the power? The reason is that this engine is designed to produce 3,200 hp continuously, and it lasts for decades. If you continuously ran the engine in your car at full power, you'd be lucky if it lasted a week.

Here are some of the specifications of this engine:

* Number of cylinders: 16
* Compression ratio: 16:1
* Displacement per cylinder: 11.6 L (710 in3)
* Cylinder bore: 230 mm (9.2 inches)
* Cylinder stroke: 279 mm (11.1 inches)
* Full speed: 904 rpm
* Normal idle speed: 269 rpm

This giant engine is hooked up to an equally impressive generator. It is about 6 feet (1.8 m) in diameter and weights about 17,700 pounds (8,029 kg). At peak power, this generator makes enough electricity to power a neighborhood of about 1,000 houses!

Here is the ELECTRIC part:

So where does all this power go? It goes into four, massive electric motors located in the trucks.

Propulsion

The traction motors provide propulsion power to the wheels. There is one on each axle.

Each motor drives a small gear, which meshes with a larger gear on the axle shaft. This provides the gear reduction that allows the motor to drive the train at speeds of up to 110 mph.

The traction motors provide propulsion power to the wheels. There is one on each axle

Each motor weighs 6,000 pounds (2,722 kg) and can draw up to 1,170 amps of electrical current.

...So now ya know!

*Howstuffworks.com

Remembering Matthew

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Coming Out Is Not Easy... When You're Married!

The Wizard's Coming Out Story
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Ever wonder what popping a water baloon in zero-gravity looks like?

Mis - Fortune Cookie

Fred Dingaling

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. So he asks the man his name.

"Fred," he replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred," the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.  The officer then presses him for the last name.  The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.

"Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me."

"I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself, studied hard, and got good grades.  When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD."

"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS."

"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.

Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.

Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred."

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

"I'd Like To Teach Dolphins To Sing...

 ..In Perfect Harmony...."

Dolphins sing 'Batman' theme

Scientists have taught dolphins to combine both rhythm and vocalisations to produce music, resulting in an extremely high-pitched, short version of the Batman theme song.

The findings, outlined in two studies, are the first time that nonhuman mammals have demonstrated they can recognise rhythms and reproduce them vocally.

"Humans are sensitive to rhythms embedded in sequences of sounds, but we typically consider this skill to be part of processing for language and music, cognitive domains that we consider to be uniquely human," says Professor Heidi Harley, lead author of both studies.

"Clearly, aspects of those domains are available to other species."

The studies will be presented at the joint meeting of the Acoustical Society of America and NOISE-CON 2005, which runs from 17 to 21 October in Minneapolis.

Learning to sing

Harley, who is associate professor of social sciences at the New College of Florida in Sarasota, says that both studies tested dolphins at Disney's Epcot Center in Florida.

The researchers first had an adult male bottlenose dolphin position itself in front of an underwater sound projector, called a hydrophone, that produced six different 14 kiloherz, 4 second rhythms.

The dolphin was rewarded for performing a certain behaviour to each rhythm. For example, when rhythm 1 played, it waved its pectoral fin and when rhythm 2 played, it tossed a ball.

The various rhythms were played at different frequencies and tempos to ensure the dolphin was recognising rhythms instead of just frequencies or sound durations.

Another adult male was trained to produce similar rhythms using a pneumatic switch, essentially a small, air-filled ball connected to a computer that then generated sounds whenever the dolphin pressed the switch.

"The dolphin was reinforced for producing a specific rhythm to a specific object," says Harley.

"For example, when we presented him with a Batman doll, he received a fish for producing a specific rhythm, in this case, a short sound and then a long one."

"If you recall the original Batman TV series musical intro you'll probably remember the way they sang 'Bat-maaaaaaaan'," she adds.

The dolphin spontaneously vocalised to the rhythms, so the researchers started to reward the male with fish whenever it matched its 'singing' to the rhythms.

By the end of the studies, the sientists could show an object, such as the Batman doll, which represented a certain rhythm-vocalisation combo to the dolphin, and it would create the correct sounds both vocally and using the switch.

Batmaaaaaaan

Gordon Bauer, associate professor of psychology at the New College of Florida who did not work on the studies, says, "This is the first report, to my knowledge, of a nonhuman mammal's ability to discriminate rhythmic patterns."

But Bauer doubts that dolphins realise they are producing what people consider 'music'.

"I think music is a human construct," he says. "I doubt that it has pertinence to animals, although the elements of music, such as pitch, time, timbre, rhythm, etc, may be incorporated into animal communication."

Harley agrees, and hopes the everyday vocalisations of dolphins will be analysed in terms of their rhythmic content.

In the near future, she and her team are planning to test the dolphins on their ability to recognise recordings of their own rhythms by having them associate their own sound creations with identifying objects similar to the Batman doll.

*Jennifer Viegas, Discovery News

Why God made Mothers

 Answers given by 2nd grade school  children to the following questions.

 Why did God make mothers?
 
 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
 
 2. Mostly to clean the house.
 
 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
 
 
 How did God make  mothers?
 
 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
 
 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
 
 3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts.
 
 
 What ingredients are mothers made  of?
 
 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
 
 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
 
 
 Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
 
 1. We're related.
 
 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
 
 
 What kind of little girl was your mom?
 
 1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
 
 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
 
 3. They say she used to be nice.
 
 
 What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
 
 1. His last name.
 
 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
 
 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
 
 
 Why did your Mom marry your dad?
 
 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
 
 2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
 
 3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
 
 
 Who's the boss at your house?
 
 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball..
 
 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
 
 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
 
 
 What's the difference between moms and dads?
 
 1. Moms work at work and work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
 
 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
 
 3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
 
 
 What does your Mom do in her spare time?
 
 1. Mothers don't do spare time.
 
 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
 
 
 What would it take to make your Mom  perfect?
 
 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
 
 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
 
 
 If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
 
 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
 
 2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
 
 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back of her head.

Jeff Foxworthy on Saskatchewan!

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Saskatchewan.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Regina is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Saskatchewan.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you might live in Saskatchewan.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live in Saskatchewan.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Saskatchewan.

 

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Saskatchewan.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Saskatchewan.
 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE SASKATCHEWANIAN WHEN!

1. "Vacation" means going South past Estevan for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
9. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
10. Down South to you means Portal.
11. Your 1st. of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
12. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
13. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly." But it is still t-shirt weather
14. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward this post to all your Saskatchewan friends.

Polar Bears Can't Read!

Helping hand!

A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

 Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

 "What's that mean?" asked the child.

 "Go ask your father.  I think he's in the garage."

 The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block?  I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

 Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."

 He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

 The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

 Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

 YOU'RE GONNA' LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!

 The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

Ever Seen a New Zealand Hooker?

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Furby Autopsy

The Wizard just purchased a previously enjoyed Furby at the bargain price of $4.99. (Sells for $30 on eBay). Name of Toh-Lu. Got interested in how they work. This site is great! The Easter eggs are fun! I got Toh-Lu to hum "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"!!!

Furby Easter Eggs:

1. Feed 3 times (waiting to finish talking each time)
Then pat his back
He will then burp 8 times

2. Another easter egg: Clap 3 times (so he hears and waiting to finish talking each time)
Then pat his back. he will then sing twinkle twinkle little star

3. Another easter egg: To find out your furbys name tickle 3 times
Then pat his back and he will tell you his name (it might not work the first time)

4. Another easter egg:Cover his eyes three times (waiting for him to respond each time)
Then pat his back. he will then say cocka-doodle do (x2) me love you

Click on the picture above to go to the Furby autopsy

Time Gets Better With Age

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Quiz Me!!

At the end of this, you are asked a question. Answer it immediately. Don't stop and think about it. Just say the first thing that pops into your mind.

This is kind of spooky!

Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one. You do not need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind. You'll be surprised. Handle each calculation seperately...

How much is . .
15 + 6
3 + 56
89 + 2
12 + 53
75 + 2
25 + 52
63 + 32
I know! Calculations are hard work, but it's nearly over..
Come on, one more..
123 + 5

QUICK! THINK ABOUT A TOOL AND A COLOUR, then Click here!

Giddy-up!

 

Surfer Dolphins