Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

 

It’s okay if you have no idea what “prefix” means.

It’s not the end of the word.



I gorged on 14 cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

Ended up having a crippling vowel movement!



Did you hear about the man that was arrested at the board game shop?

Apparently he walked in and said he was looking for trouble.


The cost of Halloween Candy is up 13.1% since last year, and to make matters worse, they're giving us less in every package.

For example, Good 'n Plenty is now Not Bad 'N A Couple.

The $100,000 Bar is now the $27 Bite.

Then, of course, there's the new 2 Musketeers bar.

You know you've reached middle age...

When you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

I asked a librarian if they had any books on "different noise levels"....

The librarian said, "Sure, what volume would you like?" 

Are you a campfire?

Cause you are hot and I want s'more! 

After he died, I couldn't even look at another man for almost 20 years.

But now that I'm out of prison, I can honestly say it was worth it.

It's officially that season...

It’s officially the season of letting vague Santa threats do about 80 percent of my parenting.