Preface by The Wizard of 'OZ':
In reading this article in Outlooks, A GLBT magazine from Canada, (www.outlooks.ca), I was remembering my childhood and when I was a victim of a pretty severe beating when I was 12, because I was outed accidentally by a friend that I had confided in. It was not a pleasant, nor will I ever forget this beating. I am aware that many folk out there do not tolerate differences in people, be they people of colour, different religious backgrounds, sex, and sexual orientation. I was forced into repressing my homosexuality to survive. I did survive. Many do not. When I came out to myself on February 25th, 2002, it was a rough ride. Several bad things stacked in my life began to fall apart. Even though in setting up my life, I was unaware that I was building a very high wall that when the keystone was removed, that my whole world would come crashing down on me.
I turned 40. I became separated from my wife. I came out. Result? My world crashed and I spiraled down to the very lowest depths that anyone can go to. I remembered my beatings. [ Especially the one when I was 12. Beaten by several, (6, I think) Grade 12 students. I remember many more. ] I could not take it - and had a bi-polar breakdown. My world that I unknowingly created was ceasing to exist. I was rapid cycling and attempted suicide seriously three times (I am no stranger to suicidal thoughts - I had made several attempts when I was in my md-teens - trying to hit telephone poles, and at the last second changing my mind...). One time, in 2003, I almost succeeded. I wish I had. I am still dealing with inner - demons, and for the most part, have been stable on my meds now for almost 2 years. Don't get me wrong, I want to live to see my son grow up. That keeps me going. My family too. However, the damage that was done to me mentally during my pre-teens and teen years is something that will never go away. I am damaged.
So when people ask me how I am doing? I can say "Not bad", But I can't say "Good". I have a partner whom I love dearly as well. But I am tired. So tired, that while I am not actively out to off myself, I will be certainly welcome the peace that only death can bring. It will come when God is ready to call me. When S/He has determined that I have sufferred enough. Not before. Only then will my mind be free of 'dark thoughts' and I can be happy, truly happy for the first time in my life. [Even so.. I have many good memories as well - My ex-wife, I still love her, and I love the time I get to spend with my son. I value the time that I get to spend with my partner...]
And I hope that in today's day and age - the gay kids of today - don't have to go through what I did - but I am not a fool. Some things never change.
In reading this article in Outlooks, A GLBT magazine from Canada, (www.outlooks.ca), I was remembering my childhood and when I was a victim of a pretty severe beating when I was 12, because I was outed accidentally by a friend that I had confided in. It was not a pleasant, nor will I ever forget this beating. I am aware that many folk out there do not tolerate differences in people, be they people of colour, different religious backgrounds, sex, and sexual orientation. I was forced into repressing my homosexuality to survive. I did survive. Many do not. When I came out to myself on February 25th, 2002, it was a rough ride. Several bad things stacked in my life began to fall apart. Even though in setting up my life, I was unaware that I was building a very high wall that when the keystone was removed, that my whole world would come crashing down on me.
I turned 40. I became separated from my wife. I came out. Result? My world crashed and I spiraled down to the very lowest depths that anyone can go to. I remembered my beatings. [ Especially the one when I was 12. Beaten by several, (6, I think) Grade 12 students. I remember many more. ] I could not take it - and had a bi-polar breakdown. My world that I unknowingly created was ceasing to exist. I was rapid cycling and attempted suicide seriously three times (I am no stranger to suicidal thoughts - I had made several attempts when I was in my md-teens - trying to hit telephone poles, and at the last second changing my mind...). One time, in 2003, I almost succeeded. I wish I had. I am still dealing with inner - demons, and for the most part, have been stable on my meds now for almost 2 years. Don't get me wrong, I want to live to see my son grow up. That keeps me going. My family too. However, the damage that was done to me mentally during my pre-teens and teen years is something that will never go away. I am damaged.
So when people ask me how I am doing? I can say "Not bad", But I can't say "Good". I have a partner whom I love dearly as well. But I am tired. So tired, that while I am not actively out to off myself, I will be certainly welcome the peace that only death can bring. It will come when God is ready to call me. When S/He has determined that I have sufferred enough. Not before. Only then will my mind be free of 'dark thoughts' and I can be happy, truly happy for the first time in my life. [Even so.. I have many good memories as well - My ex-wife, I still love her, and I love the time I get to spend with my son. I value the time that I get to spend with my partner...]
And I hope that in today's day and age - the gay kids of today - don't have to go through what I did - but I am not a fool. Some things never change.
By Doug Ross
A senseless tragedy occurred in Ajax, Ontario last October when a likeable, intelligent thirteen-year-old high-schooler named Shaquille Wisdom hanged himself because he was being harassed and bullied by his peers, simply because he was gay. Apparently, after Shaquille had confided his sexual preference to an acquaintance, he was outed. Shortly following that betrayal, the callous victimization began. He suffered abusive attacks ... can you imagine the physical pain, not to mention the personal humiliation, of getting stuffed into a garbage can? He was publicly ostracized.And he was relentlessly tormented by homophobic insults and malicious threats via websites that other students used for targeting him.
Must today's gay teens endure such intense discrimination, defamatory "cyber-bullying" and unprovoked violence that it results in suicide? Or should today's gay teens be expected to live within a personal vacuum of shame, guilt, fear and despair instead? Neither! This degrading type of abuse and intolerance must be stopped immediately.
Adolescence can be a bitch! And today's teenagers don't have it easy whether they're homosexual or heterosexual, since the majority of them are grappling with similar dramatic changes revolving around such issues as heightened emotions, social uncertainty and awkwardness, an increased desire for success and acceptance within their school environment, possible self-esteem or inferiority concerns, additional family and/or job obligations, raging hormones and sexual experimentation. So as a result, the tremendous pressure to "fit in" probably seems daunting to a vast number of them. But especially to those who lack the coping skills required to confront any of those difficult issues.
And by adding other confusing situations into that already volatile mix, such as a reluctance to openly discuss same-sex romantic crushes, feelings of loneliness and alienation, negative perceptions from peers regarding the rich kid, the fat kid, the new kid or the gay kid, the frustrations surrounding their desperate need for acceptance might even appear overwhelming to some. But who could predict that the social consequences for being unacceptable would be such an insurmountable source of pain that a teen would seek relief in an act of suicide?
Well, sadly, Shaquille was not alone. According to the Canadian Health Network (Public Health Agency of Canada) approximately 300 youths die annually from suicide, while many more unsuccessfully attempt it. And up to thirty per cent of those deaths will be among members of the gay and lesbian population.
A definition for "cyber-bullying" is: the limitless spreading of frightening, embarrassing or harassing communications and images sent by minors to specifically target other minors. Such communications are posted online, or sent by instant messenger, e-mails, website pages, interactive games, cell phones and other handheld devices, diary sites and online profiles. Cyber-bullying is eerily similar to other forms of bullying since it involves one individual's abuse of power via repetatitive hurtful actions and behaviour against another more vulnerable individual so as to intentionally cause emotional pain and suffering. Cyber-bullying can happen instantaneously and anonymously. And it can take place practically anywhere at anytime since adversarial teens appear to be more daring when using the internet than they would normally be in a face to face confrontation.
An extremely disturbing fact is that cyber-bullying is now a common reality among Canadian teens! According to a survey of teens (median age: thirteen to fifteen years) conducted by Kids Help Phone, a charity that provides phone and internet counseling services, seventy-six per cent of the respondents reported that they were called names, while fifty-two per cent reported having rumours spread about them, and thirty-eight per cent reported being threatened. An alarming seventy-seven per cent reported that the cyber-bullies attacked via instant messaging, while thirty-seven per cent reported via email, and thirty-one per cent reported via social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook.
What can be done to stop the madness? An open line of communication is clearly the first and foremost important step required when addressing this painful situation. At the present time some schools already provide anti-bullying programs that promote tolerance, while other schools are in the process of following suit. Thankfully, the most ambitious of those programs actually begin as early as grade six. Also, preventive measures such as an anonymous phone line to report bullying incidents, zero tolerance of bullying on school property and possibly more severe punishments are also under consideration.
But, unfortunately when it comes to Sex Education classes, that open line of communication becomes a tangled web, since very few teachers are willing [or permitted] to address the topic of homosexuality within a classroom environment. So as a result of the curriculum's nearly exclusive emphasis on heterosexuality, gay students remain a misunderstood "hidden demographic" that doesn't receive the proper acknowledgment, or essential information necessary to encourage their healthy sexual development. And unfortunately that grievous wall of silence helps to perpetuate harmful myths and contemptible attitudes that could lead to hatred and bullying.
Even so, today's teenagers cannot arbitrarily lay the blame at 'someone else's doorstep. They must assume full responsibility for their own actions. They must immediately cease being enemies to each other by remembering that cyberspace is for public consumption, so it's imperative that they respect each other's privacy. They must not retaliate in a jealous rage by carelessly exposing personal video content, or by divulging secretive details, or by spreading unsubstantiated rumours or pernicious lies about one another just to be vindictive or spiteful. Because once such damaging information does hit cyberspace, regardless whether it's true or false, it takes on a life of its own and becomes impossible to stop!
Therefore the time is now for teenagers to increase their self-awareness, and to start protecting each other instead by wrapping up their friend's intimate disclosures concerning a lifestyle choice or a dysfunctional family or feelings of isolation, inadequacy, or any private, personal revelations into a "cyber condom" of honour and trust that will protect those private thoughts from contamination and public exposure. It'll certainly take a gargantuan effort on their part, but let's hope and pray that today's teens prove capable of meeting the extremely difficult challenge of eliminating hate, homophobia and suicide within their ranks. May Shaquille Wisdom rest in peace.
Doug is a busy producer/casting director within the Toronto entertainment industry. He has just been contracted to ghostwrite a book for a locolly-based television personality.
A senseless tragedy occurred in Ajax, Ontario last October when a likeable, intelligent thirteen-year-old high-schooler named Shaquille Wisdom hanged himself because he was being harassed and bullied by his peers, simply because he was gay. Apparently, after Shaquille had confided his sexual preference to an acquaintance, he was outed. Shortly following that betrayal, the callous victimization began. He suffered abusive attacks ... can you imagine the physical pain, not to mention the personal humiliation, of getting stuffed into a garbage can? He was publicly ostracized.And he was relentlessly tormented by homophobic insults and malicious threats via websites that other students used for targeting him.
Must today's gay teens endure such intense discrimination, defamatory "cyber-bullying" and unprovoked violence that it results in suicide? Or should today's gay teens be expected to live within a personal vacuum of shame, guilt, fear and despair instead? Neither! This degrading type of abuse and intolerance must be stopped immediately.
Adolescence can be a bitch! And today's teenagers don't have it easy whether they're homosexual or heterosexual, since the majority of them are grappling with similar dramatic changes revolving around such issues as heightened emotions, social uncertainty and awkwardness, an increased desire for success and acceptance within their school environment, possible self-esteem or inferiority concerns, additional family and/or job obligations, raging hormones and sexual experimentation. So as a result, the tremendous pressure to "fit in" probably seems daunting to a vast number of them. But especially to those who lack the coping skills required to confront any of those difficult issues.
And by adding other confusing situations into that already volatile mix, such as a reluctance to openly discuss same-sex romantic crushes, feelings of loneliness and alienation, negative perceptions from peers regarding the rich kid, the fat kid, the new kid or the gay kid, the frustrations surrounding their desperate need for acceptance might even appear overwhelming to some. But who could predict that the social consequences for being unacceptable would be such an insurmountable source of pain that a teen would seek relief in an act of suicide?
Well, sadly, Shaquille was not alone. According to the Canadian Health Network (Public Health Agency of Canada) approximately 300 youths die annually from suicide, while many more unsuccessfully attempt it. And up to thirty per cent of those deaths will be among members of the gay and lesbian population.
A definition for "cyber-bullying" is: the limitless spreading of frightening, embarrassing or harassing communications and images sent by minors to specifically target other minors. Such communications are posted online, or sent by instant messenger, e-mails, website pages, interactive games, cell phones and other handheld devices, diary sites and online profiles. Cyber-bullying is eerily similar to other forms of bullying since it involves one individual's abuse of power via repetatitive hurtful actions and behaviour against another more vulnerable individual so as to intentionally cause emotional pain and suffering. Cyber-bullying can happen instantaneously and anonymously. And it can take place practically anywhere at anytime since adversarial teens appear to be more daring when using the internet than they would normally be in a face to face confrontation.
An extremely disturbing fact is that cyber-bullying is now a common reality among Canadian teens! According to a survey of teens (median age: thirteen to fifteen years) conducted by Kids Help Phone, a charity that provides phone and internet counseling services, seventy-six per cent of the respondents reported that they were called names, while fifty-two per cent reported having rumours spread about them, and thirty-eight per cent reported being threatened. An alarming seventy-seven per cent reported that the cyber-bullies attacked via instant messaging, while thirty-seven per cent reported via email, and thirty-one per cent reported via social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook.
What can be done to stop the madness? An open line of communication is clearly the first and foremost important step required when addressing this painful situation. At the present time some schools already provide anti-bullying programs that promote tolerance, while other schools are in the process of following suit. Thankfully, the most ambitious of those programs actually begin as early as grade six. Also, preventive measures such as an anonymous phone line to report bullying incidents, zero tolerance of bullying on school property and possibly more severe punishments are also under consideration.
But, unfortunately when it comes to Sex Education classes, that open line of communication becomes a tangled web, since very few teachers are willing [or permitted] to address the topic of homosexuality within a classroom environment. So as a result of the curriculum's nearly exclusive emphasis on heterosexuality, gay students remain a misunderstood "hidden demographic" that doesn't receive the proper acknowledgment, or essential information necessary to encourage their healthy sexual development. And unfortunately that grievous wall of silence helps to perpetuate harmful myths and contemptible attitudes that could lead to hatred and bullying.
Even so, today's teenagers cannot arbitrarily lay the blame at 'someone else's doorstep. They must assume full responsibility for their own actions. They must immediately cease being enemies to each other by remembering that cyberspace is for public consumption, so it's imperative that they respect each other's privacy. They must not retaliate in a jealous rage by carelessly exposing personal video content, or by divulging secretive details, or by spreading unsubstantiated rumours or pernicious lies about one another just to be vindictive or spiteful. Because once such damaging information does hit cyberspace, regardless whether it's true or false, it takes on a life of its own and becomes impossible to stop!
Therefore the time is now for teenagers to increase their self-awareness, and to start protecting each other instead by wrapping up their friend's intimate disclosures concerning a lifestyle choice or a dysfunctional family or feelings of isolation, inadequacy, or any private, personal revelations into a "cyber condom" of honour and trust that will protect those private thoughts from contamination and public exposure. It'll certainly take a gargantuan effort on their part, but let's hope and pray that today's teens prove capable of meeting the extremely difficult challenge of eliminating hate, homophobia and suicide within their ranks. May Shaquille Wisdom rest in peace.
Doug is a busy producer/casting director within the Toronto entertainment industry. He has just been contracted to ghostwrite a book for a locolly-based television personality.
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