Seemed like a good idea at the time...

GETTING OLDER

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.."

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An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

"Yes, Dad , what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."

(I LOVE IT!)
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Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true.

I love to hear them say "you don't look that old."

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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

(Mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the first place!!)

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Some people try to turn back their odometers Not me! I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
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Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper...it's worse when you forget to pull it down.
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Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts.

What does your wife look like?' To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t matter, --- let's look for yours."

Baptist Cowboy

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.

All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers though..."

LOLS

VERY clever definitions... for my intellectual readership...

BEAUTY PARLOUR
A place where women curl up and dye.

CHICKENS
The only animal you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.

INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority.

SECRET
A story you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES
Something other people have....similar to my character lines.

OLD
I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an Affair. She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"

. . . and that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'!!!

The Train Of The Future

André Rieu - España cañi 2015

Find Your Inner Dancer

Frank Feldman

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: 'Who?'

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died. I'm married to his f-in' widow."

Wife from Hell

A police officer pulls over a speeding car....The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.' The driver, John, says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting , John's wife Phyllis says, 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, John looks over at Phyllis and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

Phyllis smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, John glowers at Phyllis and says through clenched teeth, 'Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.' John says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

Phyllis says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket John turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'


I love this part....



'Only when he's been drinking.'

Experience The WorldWide Telescope

This is an AWESOME program!!!!

Immerse yourself in a seamless beautiful environment.

WorldWide Telescope (WWT) enables your computer to function as a virtual telescope, bringing together imagery from the best ground and space-based telescopes in the world. Experience narrated guided tours from astronomers and educators featuring interesting places in the sky.

Download the WorldWide Telescope here.

Adult Posters

Did You Know 2016

The Importance of Words in History

Meaning of color and your Birthday

Don't cheat, if you are honest, this tells the truth. It's pretty good. Write your answers on a piece of paper, and NO cheating!! The answers are at the bottom.

1. Which is your favorite color out of: red , black , blue , green , or yellow?

2. Your first initial?

3. Your month of birth?

4. Which color do you like more, black or white?

5. Name of a person of the same gender as yours.

6. Your favorite number?

7. Do you like Flying or Driving more?

8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?

9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat!)

Answers

1. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black - You are conservative and aggressive.
green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
blue - You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love
yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

2. If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum & your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good..

3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.
July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.

4. If you chose:
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

5. This person is your best friend.

6 This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.

7. If you chose:
Flying: You like adventure.
Driving: You are a laid back person.

8. If you chose:
Lake : You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

WHO IS YOUR ROLE MODEL???

Try it without looking at answers

1) Pick your Favourite number between 1-9

2) Multiply by 3 then

3) Add 3, then again Multiply by 3

4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number….

5) Add the digits together

----Now Scroll down ..............

Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below :

1. Einstein


2. Nelson Mandela


3. Jacob Zuma


4. Tom Cruise


5. Bill Gates


6. Gandhi


7. Brad Pitt


8. Hitler


9. The Wizard of 'OZ' (Me)


10. Barack Obama


I know....I just have that effect on people....one day you too can be like me....
:-) Believe it!


Ps. Stop picking different numbers. I am your idol, just deal with it!!!!

How may People Have You Been Exposed To????

The first number is the Number of Sexual Partners.

If each of your partners has had only the same number of partners as you had at the time you had sex. The second number is the Number of People You Are Exposed to:

Explanation of Chart

For this calculation, we assume that each time you had a new partner, they had only had as many partners as you had. So when you had your first, we assume you were his first. You now have one person who has only had you as a partner. Add to that a second partner who is in the same situation as you--only having had one prior partner. Now you are exposed to your first, your second, plus your second's first. Then bring in a third who is in the same situation as you. You are now exposed to your prior partners plus your third's first partner, your third's second partner, and now your third's second partner's first partner. See how it works? A little sex goes a long way!

The 411 - Walt Disney - The Man Behind the Mouse

1901 was an eventful year by any measure. Queen Victoria died, President McKinley was assassinated, and Guglielmo Marconi received the first successful telegraph transmissions. The world was at the cusp a new century, and belief in progress was riding high.

And on December 5 of that year, one more world-changing event occurred. In Chicago, a baby was born and named after his family pastor. Although no one guessed it at the time, little Walter Elias Disney was going to spend a lifetime pushing the boundaries of magic and imagination. Now it's almost impossible to imagine the past century or so without his contributions. No Walt Disney World? No "Mary Poppins"? No Mickey Mouse!?

Today Disney.com has prepared a special tribute to Walt for the anniversary of his birth (just visit the Disney.com home page and see what you find!), and we thought it would be fun to look at just a few of the ways Walt changed our world.
Animated Films
Before Disney, there were cartoons -- short, funny snippets of animation that ran in movie theaters to fill time before the main attraction. When Walt decided to attempt a full-length movie, entirely created in animation, people (including some in his own company) thought the idea was crazy. No one would sit through a cartoon that lasted well over an hour! But Walt's vision won through and in 1937, "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" truly revolutionized the art of moviemaking. A critical and commercial smash, the movie proved that animation could be used to tell a complex and emotionally moving story. The animated films that have followed, from "Pinocchio" to Disney-Pixar's "Up," were all made possible by one man's vision.

Theme Parks
Once upon a time, amusement parks were little more than beer gardens -- a little dirty, a little rowdy, and no place to take small children. Walt Disney wanted a park where he could take his own little girls, and dreamed up Disneyland Park. It's hard now to realize just how revolutionary Disneyland was -- scrupulously clean, beautifully landscaped, with every detail created to delight children (and the child in us all). It was never just a collection of "rides," but a series of lands that Guests could enter, virtual dreams come true. This "theming" has shaped the Disney Parks around the world and transformed Guests' expectations for what a theme park should be.

Audio-Animatronics
The idea of robotics didn't originate with Walt, of course -- but his innovations in "Audio-Animatronics," the startlingly lifelike Characters we see in Disney Theme Parks and parades, have helped spark the imagination of generations of Guests who've encountered them, and raise public interest in the possibilities of such technology in the future. Who knows how many future scientists have been inspired by a youthful viewing of Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln?

The Mickey Mouse Club
The '50s were almost defined by Walt's pioneering show mixing real kids, music, and fun. As one of the first programs intended for older children, it bridged the gap between "little kid" shows and adult entertainment.

Mickey Mouse
Walt's animated hero quickly became, and remains, one of the most recognizable personalities in the world, and a symbol for friendship, pluck, and fun who has brought happiness to millions.

A world without Walt would truly have been a less inspiring and exciting place. We all have a lot to celebrate today!

*From The Disney Insider

Prince dead at 57

from Billboard.com

Prince, the most protean pop star of his generation, has been found dead on his Minneapolis estate at the age of 57, according to his publicist.

According to a press release sent from the Carver County Sheriff's Department this afternoon, deputies arrived at Paisley Park at 9:43 a.m. and found Prince unresponsive in the elevator. After CPR attempts were unsuccessful, he was pronounced dead at 10:07 a.m. The cause of death has not yet been determined, and Carver County with assistance from Hennepin County Sheriffs and the Midwest Medical Examiner's Office are investigating.

Prince was hospitalized last week after his plane for was forced to make an emergency landing in Moline, Ill. Released a few hours later, a rep told TMZ that he had been battling a bad case of the flu.

One of the most iconic musicians in music history, Prince's extensive career grew out of the music scene of his native Minneapolis, where he lived his entire life. His 1978 debut album For You and self-titled second LP, released in October 1979, kicked off an incredibly prolific run of albums that included 1999, Purple Rain, Around The World In A Day, Sign O The Times and Batman, among others, throughout the 1980s at a clip of nearly one per year, evolving with each release.

It was 1984's Purple Rain -- his first No. 1 album on the Billboard 200 -- released in conjunction with the film of the same name, that cemented him as one of the greatest artists of his generation, earning him two Grammys, and Oscar and a victory over Michael Jackson's Thriller for Favorite Pop/Rock Album at the 1985 American Music Awards. In total he would receive seven Grammy Awards from 32 nominations between 1984 and 2010. Along the way, he worked with several bands under a series of pseudonyms, including The Time, the New Power Generation and The Revolution, as both frontman and producer.

Prince was also known for his eponymous Love Symbol, created in protest against his longtime record label Warner Bros., under which he released an album in 1992. His 18th and final album for the label, 1996's Chaos and Disorder, finally released him from his contract.

As a recording artist, Prince was legendary for his prolific and perfectionist nature which allowed him to release a steady slew of material as he experimented in the studio; as a result, unreleased b-sides and bootlegs have become highly sought-after collectibles for die-hard fans, and his infamous "vault" of recordings has become the stuff of legend. Yet he was also truly transcendent as a performer, regularly stretching his shows beyond the three-hour mark and showcasing his stunning guitar work, which became an underrated part of his legacy, often overshadowed by his iconic singing voice and abilities as a songwriter and bandleader.

Over his 35-plus-year career, he released 39 solo studio albums and never stopped releasing new material; since September 2014, he put out four new full-length records with his latest band, 3rd Eye Girl, continuously experimenting with psychedelic rock and intergalactic funk.

Prince's legacy as a musician, a singer, a style icon and an endlessly creative mind is nearly unparalleled, and his influence stretches from pop to R&B to funk to hip-hop and everywhere in between. Purple Rain was the first of four No. 1 albums on the Billboard 200; an additional 12 LPs peaked in the top 10 in four different decades. The first single from his self-titled LP, "I Wanna Be Your Lover," topped the Billboard R&B chart and he would go on to land 19 top 10 hits on the Hot 100, including No. 1s "When Doves Cry," "Let's Go Crazy," "Kiss," "Batdance" and "Cream."

Important Medical Warning