Jokes

Q. Why can't the bride of Frankenstein have children?
A. Because Frankenstein has a "Hollow-weenie”!

Q. Why is a fire truck red?

A. Well, there are 8 wheels and 4 men, and 8+4=12. There are 12 inches on a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. Elizabeth was also a ship. The ship sailed in the ocean, and in the ocean there are fish. On the fish there are fins. The Fins fought the Russian, and the Russians wore red.

A.2. Why is a fire truck always red: Because it’s always rushing!

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Confucius say...Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Confucius say: Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Confucius say: Man who fart Vaseline bubbles not suitor for woman!

This woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the tv, eat dinner, and sit some more. He would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit.
One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, "Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?" 

Her husband snarled, "What do I look like? The Tidy-Bowl man?" and sat down on the sofa.
The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home she said, very nicely, "Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?"
Once again, he growled, "What do I look? Mr. Plumber?" 

The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, "Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?"
And again she was met with a snarl, "What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?"
Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer. 

When her husband got home, she said, "Honey, I had the repairmen out today."
He frowned, "Well, how much is that going to cost?"
"Well, honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having sex with them."
"Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them?"
She smiled. "What do I look like, BETTY CROCKER?"

 

At Frederick's of Hollywood a husband wants to buy his wife the sheerest lingerie he can find. "This is $200," says the saleswoman, showing him an item. "I want one that's more sheer," says he. "This one is $350." 

"Sheerer than that." 

"This is the sheerest we have. It's $500." 

"I'll take it!" he replies. The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me." She goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take it back for a refund and he won't know the difference." 

So she comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs. "So, how do you like it?" she asks. 

He looks at her a moment and says, "Well, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the thing."