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Thursday, February 03, 2022

Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

Mickey Mouse snickering
A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.

The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”

The man says, “I’m probably too honest.”

The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”

The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!” 

HYUK!

Hey, have you heard about the latest anonymous sperm bank being established by the State of Indiana?

It will be called "Hoosier Daddy!" 

HYUK!

Her: At least invite me out to dinner.

Him: I don't go out with married women.

Her: But I'm your wife.

Him: I make no exceptions.   

HYUK!

A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.

"Well," said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!"

"What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. "His wife sent him out for a jar of olives."

HYUK!

Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies,

‘No, just leave it in the carton!’
 
HYUK!

This is my step ladder...

I never knew my real ladder. 

HYUK!

Amazon is approved for drone delivery...

Which means we now have skeet shooting with prizes.  

HYUK!

Little Johnny's mother: "Johnny, your teacher mailed me a permission slip so she could offer you the part of a marionette in the school play and I signed it."

Little Johnny: "I know and she offered me the part but I turned it down. You never want to play a part that has that many strings attached." 

HYUK!

One morning over breakfast, a husband was complaining to his wife. “I’ve been with the circus for over 25 years, and every performance I follow behind the elephants and clean up their poop. Twenty-five years, ‘Scoop the poop! Scoop the poop!’ I’m tired of it.”

His wife calmly said, “If you’re so unhappy, why don’t you quit?”

“What! And leave show business?!” 

HYUK!

Where are average things manufactured?

At Satisfactory.  

HYUK!

Complete set of encyclopedia Britannica.

45 Volumes. Excellent condition.

$100 or best offer.

Reason for sale: No longer required.

Got married last weekend.

Wife knows everything.


clapping

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