I'm absolutely heartbroken. My Wife just broke up with me over my chronic gambling addiction...
... But it's okay, I'll win her back.
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princesses lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am, and then my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."
That night, the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and shallot cream sauce.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America...
The rest cheat in Europe.
A daddy teased his little daughter by suggesting she liked a certain boy in her kindergarten class.
The little girl was quite indignant. "No, daddy, I don't like him!" she stated. "He's only interested in one thing."
Shocked, the daddy cautiously asked what that one thing might be.
"Paw Patrol, of course," said the girl.
Teen #1: I took the girl you set me up with to a matinee, we watched the Wizard of Oz. Afterwards we went to brunch.
Teen #2: Sounds great, will there be a second date?
Teen #1: I don’t think so, during the meal she kept clicking her heels together three times.
Teen #2: Sounds great, will there be a second date?
Teen #1: I don’t think so, during the meal she kept clicking her heels together three times.
Dentist warns his patient: “This might be a bit painful.”
Patient: “That’s okay, I can handle it.”
Dentist: (sighs) "I'm sleeping with your girlfriend.”
Patient: “That’s okay, I can handle it.”
Dentist: (sighs) "I'm sleeping with your girlfriend.”
They become a Def Leppard!
People call me self-centered...
But that’s enough about them.
But that’s enough about them.
A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday.
"I'd like a little brother," a boy said.
"Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother. "Why do you want a little brother?"
"Well," said the boy, "there's only so much I can blame on the dog."
"I'd like a little brother," a boy said.
"Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother. "Why do you want a little brother?"
"Well," said the boy, "there's only so much I can blame on the dog."
I was reading an article last night about fathers and daughters and
memories came flooding back of the time I took my daughter out for her
first pint.
Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house.
I got her a Fosters. She didn't like it... so I had it.
Then I got her a Carling Black Label, she didn't like it... so I had it.
It was the same with the 1664 Lager and Premium Dry Cider.
By the time we got down to the Scotch I could hardly push the stroller back home.
Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house.
I got her a Fosters. She didn't like it... so I had it.
Then I got her a Carling Black Label, she didn't like it... so I had it.
It was the same with the 1664 Lager and Premium Dry Cider.
By the time we got down to the Scotch I could hardly push the stroller back home.
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