In or out?

by Michael Radkowsky

Is there a way to be closeted at work and still live the rest of my life as a happy, proud, well-adjusted gay man?

Dear Michael,

I feel like I’m living a lie because I’m not out at work. I’m afraid that if I come out, it will negatively impact my career.

I work for a company with a conservative corporate culture that is also somewhat “frat house.” I don’t have any openly gay colleagues and I don’t even know if there are any other people who are closeted. I sometimes hear colleagues make disparaging remarks about gay people disguised as humor.

Why do I stay? I actually love my work and jobs in my specialization aren’t easy to find. They also tend to be with companies with corporate cultures similar to my current workplace.

If people suspected, I’m worried that I’d be ostracized or miss out on a promotion, so I play the game of saying I’m straight and even sometimes talk about women I’m supposedly dating. I don’t feel good about this.

I’m embarrassed to talk to my friends about how difficult this is because I’m sure they’ll judge me, so I actually feel distant from everyone I’m close to.

Also, I feel like I have to monitor myself all the time, worrying about who might see me when I’m out with my gay friends and always watching what I say at work.

I almost don’t like who I am, but I don’t think I have a choice if I want to be successful in the career I love.

Is there a way to be closeted at work and still live the rest of my life as a happy, proud, well-adjusted gay man?


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