If life is a waste of time, And time is a waste of life, Then let's all get wasted together And have the time of our lives.
(Armand' s Pizza, Washington , DC) 
Fighting for peace is like
Screwing for virginity.
(The Bayou, Baton Rouge , LO)
No matter how good she looks, Some other guy is sick and tired Of putting up with her shit.
(Men' s Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill , NC)
It's hard to make a comeback When you haven't been anywhere.
(Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg , AZ )
Make love, not war. Hell, do both GET MARRIED!
(Women' s restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman , MT)
If voting could really change things,
It would be illegal.
(Revolution Books, New York, New York.)
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
(Men's restroom House of Representatives, Washington, DC)
Express Lane: Five beers or less
(Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ)
You' re too good for him..
(Sign over mirror in Women' s restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,CA)
No wonder you always go home alone.
(Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA)
~~~ and perhaps the most realistic one ~~~
A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles,
You're going to have trouble with it
Women's restroom
Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die...
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED .
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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