Rules for Entering Saskatchewan

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; I drive a pickup truck because I want to.

3. It's called a "gravelled road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. There are cattle and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Highways #1 and #16 go east and west, highways #6 and #2 go north and south, pick one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to grasp the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat beef and bison. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. This applies to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we prepare a meal, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Barbeque Sauce.

13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be black, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. Curling and hockey are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards; it spooks the fish.

16. Colleges? Try our University of Saskatchewan. They come outta there with an education, plus a love for people and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

FAILURE TO FOLLOW THESE RULES WILL RESULT IN THE SASKATCHEWAN ARMY BEING DISPATCHED. WATCH OUT FOR OUR HOME GROWN FORM OF PRAIRIE JUSTICE! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!