Friday, October 08, 2021

Hearing Problems

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're  getting married?" 

"Yep!"

"Do I know her?"

"Nope!"

"This woman, is she good looking?"

"Not really."

"Is she a good cook?"

"Naw, she can't cook too well."

"Does she have lots of money?"

"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."

"Well then, is she good in bed?"

"I don't know."
 
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"

"Because she can still drive!"
 
 
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Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
 
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
 
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
 
 
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A man was telling his neighbour, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." 
 
"Really," answered the neighbour. "What kind is it?"
 
"Twelve thirty ."
 
 
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" 
 
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"
 
 
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A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

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