What were YOU thinking?

I was scared at first.
It was very wide, and very long, and it angled straight up.
I decided I had to try it once.
I slowly and carefully eased myself onto it.
It felt weird at first.
Then I got used to it.
I went up and down, and up and down on it.
I was really loving it.   

*Now I ride on escalators all the time.*

I took my fingers and slowly,
gently stretched it apart.
It was so pure and white.
I licked it once, twice...
I found I couldn't stop.
I licked it faster and faster, and harder.
I began to scrape my teeth against it.
There it was, in my mouth!
All sweet and creamy.
I was done.
 

*And I threw away the outsides of my Oreo cookies*

It was laying limp in my hand.
It was very long, kind of thin.
I slid it between my fingers
until I got to the end of it.
I was turning it on.
It became firm in my hands,
and the end was wet.
Then it got very hard
and began gushing out of the tip.

 

*Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.*

I knew it could be done.
I wanted to try
but I didn't know if I could do it.
I called my friend.
He said he knew how to do it
and would teach me.
He put his arms around me and started.
I watched nervously in the mirror.
He finally finished and pulled back slowly.
I felt relieved that it was over.

 

*I hate neckties.*

It looked warm and dark,
and juicy and inviting.
I wasn't sure just what
I wanted to do with it.
I carefully pulled it apart
with my fingers to look into it better.
I knew how great it would be
if I just started eating it.

 

*But I decided to put ketchup on my burger.*

MORAL? It is not the word that corrupts the mind, but the mind that corrupts the word.