3 Jokes

As an older man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,  "Harold, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on route 290. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Harold, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them !!!"

###

Two old friends meet passing on the street one day.  But one looked forlorn, and almost on the verge of tears. His friend asked, "What has the world done to you, my old friend?"

The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."

"That's not bad."

"But you see, two weeks ago, a cousin I never even knew kicked the bucket, and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear."

"Sounds like you should be grateful..."

"You don't understand!" he interrupted.  "Last week my great-aunt passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million."

Now he was really confused.  "Then, how come you look so glum?"

"This week... nothing!"

###

A little boy and a little girl, both about six years  old, were playing  in the sandbox. Unexpectedly, the little boy farts, causing a little sand  between his  legs to shift. The little girl notices and squeals with laughter.

"How'd you  do that," she asked

"Easy," he  exclaimed, "I just farted."

"Can I try  it," she asks?

"Sure," he  says, "anybody can do it."

She  concentrates as she strains and grunts. Suddenly, there's a huge explosion,
the sides of the  sandbox fly off, all the sand flies out, and the little boy is thrown 10 feet, landing up against a tree.

He groggily  gets to his feet, runs back to where the little girl is. He finds her laying on the  ground, out cold, flat on her back, spread eagle. Curiously, he lifts up her dress, peeks underneath, and loudly exclaims:

"Just what  I thought, dual exhaust..."