Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

Four-year-old Johnny was eating a hot dog when he dropped it on the floor. He quickly picked it up and was about to take another bite when his mom said, "No, Johnny, you can't eat that now it has germs."

Johnny pondered the thought a moment and replied, "Jesus, germs, and Santa Claus - that's all I ever hear about and I haven't seen one of 'em yet!"

 

Sex before marriage is considered a sin...

Sex after marriage is considered a miracle!

 

Did you hear about the angler who baited his hook with peanut butter?

All he would catch was jellyfish!

 

A dentist married a manicurist...

They fought tooth and nail.

Me: "The kids haven’t eaten their sandwiches."

Wife: "Okay, just throw them out."

[Later]

Me (helping the kids pack a suitcase): “Look, I’m just as surprised as you are.” 

 

"A-A-R-P, I wanna join the A-A-R-P..."

"Hey Joe, what's that you're singing?"

"I'm one of the Retirement Village People, and I'm practising for our upcoming concert!"

Dating is like travelling on a bicycle. If you don’t like the journey, you can get off anytime.

Marriage is like travelling by airplane. Once you’re in, you can’t get off that easy.