Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

 

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was a bad lover...

You should have seen her face when they all disagreed. 



Do you know what my shirt is made of?

Boyfriend material.



During the ‘rush hour’ at Houston’s Hobby Airport, a flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem.

Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it. The passengers were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away.

Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find a third gate had been designated for them. After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as they were settling in, the flight attendant made the standard announcement

"We apologize for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C., then you should exit the plane at this time."

A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. "Sorry," he said, "wrong plane." 


I read the mass chicken farms pump chickens full of antibiotics.

Well, that would at least explain why chicken soup is so good when you have a cold.

My older brother, Lenny, loved to tell the story of what happened to our cocker spaniel, Inky.

It seems Lenny was using an open bowl of gasoline to wash some parts for the transmission he was repairing. Distracted by a customer, he returned to his project to find Inky drinking the gasoline from the bowl. He yelled at the dog, who took off running. In fact, Inky ran around the house three times before finally falling over.

The neighbours came running over to see what had happened to Inky. "Is he dead?" asked our neighbour Ruth.

"No," Lenny replied. "I think he ran out of gas."

What do you call a receipt for the transfer of a wind-powered boat?

Either a bill-of-sail or a sails-receipt.