Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

 

Why did Sherlock Holmes get audited by the IRS?

He had too many deductions. 

What happens when you boil a funny bone?

It becomes a laughing stock.  



I went to the doctor the other day and complained about my sore feet.

He said: “Gout!”

I said: “But I’ve only just walked in!”  



My neighbor was afraid to grow a fruit tree.

I told him to grow a pear.

When a new child visited our Sunday school, the teacher greeted him and asked his age. The little boy held up four fingers.

"Oh, you're four," said the teacher. "And when will you be 5?"

The child stared at her and after a few seconds replied, "When I hold up the other finger." 

For her birthday, the only gift I got my wife is an alarm clock that swears at her instead of beeping.

She is in for a rude awakening. 

I have the most marvellous recipe for meatloaf...

All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, "Let's eat out."

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day...

Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

I told the waitress my steak was bad.

She picked it up, slapped it, and threw it back down.

She said, "If it gives you any more trouble, let me know." 

My doctor has an odd sense of humour.

When I broke my arm skiing he thought it was humerus.