Throw Away All Your Grudges

As we (continue with) the New Year, it`s a good time to clean out the clutter in our lives. Sure, that means going through and disposing of useless papers and unused stuff, but it also means throwing away old grudges.

It has been said that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. A decision to hold on to a grievance is a decision to suffer. It extends the pain. And in a peculiar way, it gives the wrongdoer a way to hurt us again and again.

It isn`t easy to root out and release deep-seated resentments arising from hurtful words or deeds. Although sometimes we don`t remember the source of the resentment, other times we recall the incident so vividly that it still evokes a fresh torrent of negative emotion. But no matter how justified or self-righteous we feel about our grudges, we`ll be healthier and happier if we get rid of them.

Confucius said, "To be wronged is nothing unless we continue to remember it." A grudge dwells in dark memories, often deliberately revived as if reliving the hurt will somehow punish the person who caused it. In fact, we hurt ourselves far more.

Ideally, we should forgive and forget, but if we`re not ready to forgive, we can forget, or at least repress the temptation to dwell on whatever it was that made us so angry. When we let go of our resentments, we pave the way for forgiveness -- a final act of virtue and mental health.

We also free ourselves from the past so we can live better in the future.

*Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.