The Love Doctor

  Dear Love Doctor,

My partner and I have lived together for four years now and we hardly ever argue about anything - except money.

We both earn about the same salary, but we disagree about how to save and what to spend it on.

I think it's important to think about our old age and try and put as much to one side as possible.

He says we shouldn't worry about getting old and that we should enjoy ourselves while we can. We're both in out mid twenties and I think unless we start now we'll have trouble in store.

How do I get him to be realistic?

Signed,

Moneyman

Dear Money,

Well, you're dividing up the tasks of being coupled perfectly. He's being fatalistic and a spendthrift, while you take on the role of worrier and miser.

As long as you're both stuck in these roles the arguments will continue. It's a perfect example of how a couple can "play out" a problem instead of working it out.

There are all sorts of ways of changing the situation. The one I'm going to suggest is the easiest and at the same time the most difficult: One of you has to behave differently.

Even if that person has to do it with gritted teeth and a false smile plastered over their face!

That will let the other one feel less threatened and be capable of thinking and doing things differently as well.

Now, guess who got volunteered? That's right, you!

Few couples today, gay or straight, is preparing for the future. And, like it or not, the future will arrive all too quickly. Let's face it, CPP and Social Security are not going to let you shop the mall every day, let alone pay your rent or mortgage.

But, to be fixated on putting money away is just as dangerous. You have to reach a compromise.

Sit down with him and tell him "You're right! We need to budget money for fun things. We need to enjoy ourselves now! Lets work out how much we have and how much we can spend, but can we remember how anxious I get about saving and budget for that as well?"

Let him know that he's right and so are you. You both need to work together as a couple realize your full potential for looking after each other.

The Love Doctor

--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says)