Hyuk-Yuks!

Did you hear the one about the cruel manicurist who married the mean dentist?

They fought tooth and nail.


Malcolm: What sight do you remember most vividly from your trip to Alaska?

Maurice: I was startled to see an Eskimo playing ice hockey with a polar bear!

Malcolm: That’s amazing!

Maurice: Not really. It turned out to be an optical Aleutian.


Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Barry.

Barry who?

Barry me not on the lone prairie


History teacher: Little Joey, go to the map and find North America.

Little Joey: Here it is.

History teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?

Class: Little Joey!


Just the facts

A baby is an addition that becomes a deduction.


Not found in Webster's

autobiography: A work of fiction in which the author is the hero.


Bartender: So you had another argument with your wife?

Monty: Yes, but I got in the last words!

Bartender: Way to go! What did you say?

Monty: “You’re right, I’m sorry.”


Pam: Wasn’t your uncle an American ambassador for thirty years?

Sam: Yes, and after he retired, he traveled around the world visiting all the friends he’d made.

Pam: Wow! How long did that take?

Sam: He was back the next morning.


Omar: How did you like visiting your girlfriend’s family?

Chester: Great! Her brothers were particularly friendly.

Omar: Why do you say that?

Chester: Because every time we went out, they all volunteered to carry my wallet.