1.My wife makes sex noises while she sleeps. It’s super cute and very funny to me. I didn’t tell her about it until she went on a weekend trip with friends and she asked me about it after they said something. —SargeOsis
2.
My wife brushes her teeth, goes pee. Comes to bed. We talk for 20 mins. She gets up, goes pee. We talk for 5 mins because she thought of something in the bathroom. I turn over, close my eyes to go to bed.
I hear the toilet flush, and she gets back in bed.
This repeats until she falls asleep provided that there’s been no more than 5 minutes since she last went pee. —Suuperdad
3.
My wife is incapable of keeping track of small, important items (like her keys, wallet, or cell phone). If it can be lost, she WILL lose it, usually for several days. Even after ten years of marriage, I am still amazed at her ability to do this. —JXG_Art
4.
HE EATS DEVILED EGGS WITH SUCH A FEROCITY. He will literally forget to take breaks in between eggs in order to breathe. … he’ll start fucking sweating…
My mother did not believe me so made some for him for Christmas and got to witness the horror first hand.
For context he’s a pretty fit dude who eats most of his meals normally.—Pheorach
5.
Occasionally my wife will sit straight up in bed, but she is dead asleep. The first couple times she did it I thought she was going to go to the bathroom or drink some water but she just sat there. I tried talking to her and when she didn’t respond I realized she was asleep. Horrifying.
I’m used to it now, so I just rub her back and quietly tell her “Lay down it’s time to sleep.” and she will lay back down. Apparently she reflexively punched her ex in the eye once because he didn’t realize she was asleep and he woke her up. Pass. Not getting punched by you beautiful creepy wife.
Ah love.—dandelion_w_i_n_e
6.
Her shoes. Shoes in living room, shoes in the hall, shoes in the bathroom, shoes in the other bathroom, shoes under the kitchen table, shoes under the coffee table, shoes next to the coffee table, shoes in her trunk, shoes in my trunk. Shoes next to the bed, shoes under the bed, shoes on the bed. Shoes. —iHateMonkeysSObad
7.
I’ve never noticed that a woman pees loud until I met my wife. It sounds like a water balloon just bursting over the toilet bowl. —Believe_Land
8.
She likes to walk around the house with one sock on and one sock off. —jeff_the_nurse
9.
He likes to slap his booty when he gets out of the shower. He has a certain beat that he keeps and it is so very loud. —Rachel348
10.
I was friends with my husband for 16 years before we got engaged and moved in together……I found out that he insists on sleeping fully clothed. Not like….a T-shirt and pajama bottoms. In his friggin jeans, shirt, even shoes. —Rigelian417
11.
My husband takes his shirt off to poop, I’m not sure why. —Zukazuk
12.
He rips paper towels in half and saves the other half. I collected them, wrapped them up, and gave them to him for Christmas. Yes, we used the other half, I’m not a earth-killing savage.
He gets out of the shower, struts into the room naked, and says, “OK, gotta go to work.” Like, weekly. It’s funny every time, I think that is the actual weird thing.—tattertittyhotdish
13.
She’s afraid of the dark, not just like a random, dark, creepy, haunted-looking building but to the point where if she is alone she has to sleep with a night light or if the hallway is dark, she needs me to walk with her. —liveandlearn256
14.
My boyfriend just moved in with me about a month ago and he cannot close a drawer to save his life, I swear every time he takes something out of a drawer he forgets that it doesn’t close on its own. —dumbest
15.
When my wife and I first moved in together she had this ridiculous fear that someone would break into the apartment. So the front door was dead locked and the flimsy ass bedroom door was locked, every night. I got used to that, but the weirdest part was, as afraid as she was, she HAD to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door. I’ll never understand that thought process.—MakroYianni
16.
I honestly didn’t know people farted in their sleep. Not judging, don’t really care – I just didn’t know that until then. —Allisade
17.
My husband cannot clean his ears without coughing. He is also extremely particular about q-tips. He keeps them in a sealed container and will not use the same one on both ears and will not use it if it’s touched anything outside of the q-tip box.—littleredhoodlum
18.
Not married but been living with my boyfriend for a while now…
We don’t have a dishwasher but on nights he cooks I clean and the nights I cook he cleans. Or he says he will. Then he leaves them for the next morning but he is lazy in the mornings and says he will do them after work. Then after work he is too tired and the cycle continues until we have a mountain of gross dishes that he SWEARS he will do and gets mad if I attempt to do them myself. JUST DO THE DISHES! —iwantthedee
19.
My husband has no off switch. If I’m not listening, he just talks to himself. He has full on conversation in the shower. He pauses YouTube videos in the middle to give commentary. He’s pretty much only quiet when he sleeps, and then he snores! I love him to bits though. The house feels weird when he’s not here chattering away.—Nyteflame7
20.
She can’t stay without the iPad. If she is coming from bedroom to living room she needs to carry iPad. If she is cooking, she needs the iPad. And the only thing she is doing is playing games. The moments she wake up in the morning she starts playing and after 10-15 min she will realize that her bladder is full and she should go to restroom, but that just the feeling. She will probably go to pee after 10 min more. Oh I forgot to mention that she can’t poop without the iPad, literally she can’t. If she needs to poop, she needs to carry iPad. I can’t remember a single day she went to poop in home without iPad. —schaud01
21.
When I start talking to her I will eventually have to repeat myself because her ears don’t turn on until halfway through the sentence. I need to start every sentence with getting her attention first. —ExcerptMusic
22.
He blows his nose into his towel and then dries off with it. But I’m the crazy one for refusing to share a towel. He then ALWAYS hangs the towel over the shower curtain rod so I have to move his booger towel to shower. Sometimes boogies fall off into the tub and… Just yuck, dude.
11+ years of boogers.—DumpTruckTaco
23.
I found out my husband, when he was 18, slept with a woman in her 40’s. If that wasn’t enough, he says “I was really drunk, but I think her husband may have been watching.” —thismomsazombie
24.
My husband freaks out if he sees me plucking my eyebrows. Like, “OH MY GOD! How do you DO that to yourself!?” Every time. But he won’t look away when I do it. He’ll just cringe with each pluck. —mtmel
25.
My ex had like the worst smelling belly button ever. She used come home after a long day of work and that thing would reak of rotten cheese and meat. No joke I could smell it across the room. —gil_beard
26.
Found out my wife bites into her popsicles with her front teeth like a psychopath —timmyboi
27.
He gets really obsessive about how the butter is scraped out of the container. He really goes for smooth lines, and gets visibly distressed if I just poke the knife into the butter and gouge out a bit. It’s actually cute to me, though, so I can’t complain. —swampmutt
28.
He stands up to wipe his ass. —brandonisatwat
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