I Can’t Stand It

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by Trent Deerhorn, Deerhorn Shamanic Services

So many vehicular accidents could so easily be avoided if people would just get off of their stupid cell phones. Although there are laws that result in heavy fines and loss of licenses, it really seems that no one is around monitoring this sort of thing. The other day a woman blew right through a red light as she was talking on her cell phone. Where were the police? *crickets* Before that I witnessed a man blow a stop sign as he was texting. Thank heavens there were no pedestrians. Where were the police? *crickets*

Now, I am not the sort of person who thinks in any way that one should never even have the radio on while driving. In fact, having it on yesterday allowed me to avoid both an accident zone and a four way flashing red light intersection that was backing traffic up for a good mile and a half. For those of you young enough to not know what that is…basically around 2.451 kilometers. So in listening to the traffic report I was able to get to my destination hassle free by re-routing myself. So no, a radio is not, in my opinion, a distraction. Music blaring at 2500 decibels IS a distraction.

My partner was going to another city last week and was not familiar with the layout of that city. So he tried and tested Google Maps GPS and found it worked rather well. But he did not want to be holding his cell phone while driving, so he got one of those devices that mounts your cell phone to the dash. He mounted it beside the steering wheel and down, so that it was not in any way impeding his view. He could simply glance down now and then, just as someone would do for their speedometer, and see where he was and what Google was referring to. Easy peasy.

This got me to thinking…

There have been several times in the grocery store where people have been talking on their cell phones, or texting or looking at their grocery list, not paying attention at all, and either almost run into me or have actually run into someone else, or a display. So…why are there no cell phone stands made that can attach to a grocery cart? There must be SOME way this could happen. For those of you reading this who design such things for cell phones…here is an EXCELLENT idea! You’re WELCOME! And while they are at it, perhaps they can install some app that assesses the layout of the grocery store so that, no matter how often they change the location of products, it can tell you exactly which aisle to head for, whether it is on the left or the right, top shelf, middle, or bottom shelf…the list goes on. Perhaps it could also update you with things like, “Register number 11 has 5 people in line with full carts, whereas register number 5 has just two people with hand held baskets. And avoid register number 14…that cashier is slower than molasses, which can be found in aisle 21, right side, top shelf.” And perhaps as you are just getting your shopping cart it could run through the specials of the day…”Today’s hot specials include Iams Dog Food 10kg package for only $14.99, Scope Mouthwash, 1 litre bottle for just $5.69 and a 30 ml tube of personal lubrication gel for just $569.00! Getting backed up? Try our 24hour laxatives for just $35.00 in aisle 4 of the pharmacy…to your left…no, your other left.”

I would wear my earbuds for this stuff! And no one would understand why I was laughing so hard. It could even give alerts like, “Geriatric shoppers taking up the entire lane in aisle 23……..23 1/4……..23 1/2…” or perhaps even “Alert! Toddler meltdown in aisles 5,6,7,8 and 9! Noise levels at the peak in aisle 7!” or even, “Indecisive shopper backing traffic up in aisle 6 of the pharmacy…the great condom debate has never been so intense!”

Seriously, why are we not maximizing the use of technology in areas that actually make a difference in our day to day lives?

My partner bought me an arm strap for my cell phone for when I am doing my workouts. I like to listen to really fast music with my morning runs on the elliptical machine. But I don’t like to have the entire household woken up with my music. So finally he found a style that fit my cell phone without me having to take my cell phone out of its protective case. Ya…I am exercising and I am gonna take my phone OUT of its PROTECTIVE case and bounce around a bunch and see if it will stay in the pouch…NOT. So now I can strap it on, do my run, listen to awesome music in my earbuds, and before I know it the run is done. I don’t have to worry about dropping it or having it fall off of the screen shelf on the elliptical machine. This is making technology work for us in our every day lives. I like that.

So hopefully now that I have written this and published it, someone will read it and come up with an idea for a grocery cart stand for cell phones. And it can’t just be an iPhone stand. There are a lot of different style cell phones of various sizes, so it has to be adjustable. I hope this unknown person gets paid a lot for their invention. I hope that it gets implemented into the design of all shopping carts, be they for grocery stores, hardware stores, or wherever. Because right now… I just can’t stand it. Because there is no stand. Anywhere to be found. Nothing.