The Love Doctor

He Loves Me ... He Loves Me Not

Pulling the petals off a flower always seemed a dubious yet slightly whimsical way to determine if he truly loved the one he was with. I've taken the idea and expanded on it a bit. See how many of which petals below apply to your situation to determine his TRUE feelings! It may be an eye-opener.

He loves me ... He is interested in my life

He wants to know how things are going at work, he encourages me to take the promotion even though it means longer hours and less time with him for a while. He always asks about my pets. He keeps up with my class schedule.

He makes tentative dates ... He loves me not

He makes open ended plans and then changes or cancels them if he gets a last minute invite from one of his buddies.

He loves me ... He shares my favorite pastimes

He attends various functions with me happily, even if he hates hates it, because it's something I want to do.

When I'm sick, he vanishes ... He loves me not

The fact that I'VE spent Saturday afternoon taking his dog to the vet because HE'S down with something escapes him. When we talk about fair play, he's talking about stuff I hate.

He loves me ... He calls me frequently

Sometimes it's to check on me. Sometimes it's to chat about our work, our friends, our lives, or world events. Sometimes it's just to say "Hi. I miss you." But he always calls to let me know he's thinking of me.

He ignores the future ... He loves me not

He never mentions the future beyond our next date. And when I mention a future together, he usually begins to stutter. Could it be that I don't figure in his plans for the future?!

He loves me ... He brags about me to his family & friends

His family and friends are always mentioning something wonderful he had to say about me, my job, my accomplishments, my talents, my friendship.

He says he wants me all for himself ... He loves me not

He's keeping our relationship a secret. He didn't take me to the company Christmas party. We don't spend any time with his friends. I haven't even met his family (and I suspect they don't even know I exist).

He loves me ... He tries to be nice to my family & friends

He may not like them one bit but he is willing to be nice to my family and friends simply because he wants to keep the peace and, of course, he wants to please me. (He really is a doll!!)

Life with him is a roller coaster ... He loves me not

I never know whether he'll surprise me at my door with pink champagne and white roses or cancel a date at the last minute for no good reason.

He loves me ... He never stops romancing me

His schedule is really busy but he always makes time for "us". If I had a hard week, he will cancel his plans and spend the time giving me a relaxing evening and a long backrub. He occasionally gives me a present or card to remind me that I'm special to him.

He's still putting notches in his headboard ... He loves me not

He wants to continue sowing his wild oats. What am I doing with this jerk? Am I completely stupid?!

He loves me ... He says so, in so many ways

His every thought and action says how much he loves me, but best of all, he tells me often just so there is no doubt!

The Love Doctor

Dear Love Doctor,

Help! My boyfriend has suddenly decided that he wants to change sex. I like men. I won’t be attracted to him. He has already begun to wear women's clothes and I don't know what to make of it all.

How do I manage this one. He says that he’s thought about it carefully and knows that he can rely on me to support him – but he can’t. I'm just not into women.

Signed,

In2Men


Dear In2,

If he says he’s thought about it carefully then you have to take his word for this. You need to be truthful though and tell him that this will cause problems both for you personally and the two of you as a couple.

There are all sorts of reasons why people consider gender-reassignment, almost all of them valid.

If your boyfriend were born a woman in a male body then you need to support his understanding of this even if you can't continue a romantic affair.

The bond you have as two people is surely stronger than the sexual bond alone. If it isn't your relationship was doomed anyway.

If he has not already started a counseling program encourage him to do so. There are a great many excellent therapists who are gay positive and a number who have had extensive experience in working with the transgendered.

It may well help the two of you to go along together.

And, remember even if you lose a lover, you need not lose a friend.

The Love Doctor