Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

COMPUTER TERMS - SASKATCHEWAN TRANSLATION:

LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter.

LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.

MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove.

DOWNLOAD: Gettin' the farwood off the truck

MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin' the farwood

FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood

RAM: That thing tha splits the farwood

HARD DRIVE: Gettin' home in the winter time

PROMPT: What the mail ain't in the winter time

WINDOWS: What to shut when it's cold outside

SCREEN: What to shut when it's black fly season

BYTE: What them dang flies do

CHIP: Munchies fer the TV

MICRO CHIP: What's in the bottom of the munchie bag

MODEM: Whatcha did to the hay fields

DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife

LAP TOP: Where the kitty sleeps

KEYBOARD: Where ya hang the dang truck keys

SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knives

MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn

MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer the mouse hole

MAIN FRAME: Holds up the barn roof

ENTER: Northerner talk fer "c'mon in, y'all"

RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya can't 'member what ya paid fer the rifle



A shy man was feeling a little lucky and decided to ask the subdued provocative Librarian about seduction as he tended to be oblique in his intentions.

“Do you have any books on women seducing men?''

The Librarian answered without hesitation '' Why yes" she murmured.

Most likely found in the '' Fantasy section."



At a party of professionals, a Doctor was having difficulty socializing. Everyone wanted to describe their symptoms, and get an opinion about diagnosis. The Doctor turned to a Lawyer acquaintance, and asked, "How do you handle people who want advice outside of the office?"

"Simple," answered the Lawyer, "I send them a bill. That stops it."

The next day, the Doctor, still feeling a bit reserved about what he had just finished doing, opened his mailbox to send the bills; there sat a bill from the Lawyer.



A man and his son were walking down the street. The boy saw a dog walking and sniffing at the ground. What makes the dog sniff at the ground dad? That is INSTINCT son.

A bit later his dad saw a dog sniffing another dog. Do you know why he's doing that son? I do dad, like you said before that’s END-STINK.

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says,

"Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”