Giggles, Guffaws, and Groaners

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, and asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Rippington says, "I'll tell him.



Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof -- the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy picked up her wand and poof -- the husband was 90.



A man who's wife was pregnant couldn't bear to be in the delivery room at the time of the birth.

So he thought he'd ring up later to see if it had come yet.

He rang up and the nurse said "it's a girl but theres another one on the way"

he rang again later and the nurse said "it's another girl but there's another coming"

he rang once more and the nurse said " it's a boy but there's another coming"

He couldn't stand it any more so he went to the pub and got drunk.

An hour later he was really nervous. He was dialling the hospital, hands shaking, and accidently dialled the sports line. he asked " how many did we get mate" the person said "198 all out.... and the last one was a duck"



The driving instructor was giving lessons to an extremely nervous student who panicked whenever another car approached on a particular two-lane road. One day, however, they got to the same stretch of road; and the student remained completely calm.

“This time you're doing fine!” exclaimed the instructor. “Yes,” the novice driver agreed.

“Now when I see another car coming, I shut my eyes.”



Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he’d been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.

“Well, Dad,” said Pete, “ I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons.”

“Uh-huh,” said the father, “that seems fair.”

“I know, but I never thought he’d choose his sister!”