•Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
•Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
•I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
•Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
•Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
•Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
•Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.
•Always scoot before licking.
•Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
•Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
•January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...
•I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.
•Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
•I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
•Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
•Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
•Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
•Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.
•Always scoot before licking.
•Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
•Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
•January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...
•I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Contact The Wizard!
(he/him)