The Ultimate Snowman

Any fool with a pair of mittens can construct a passable facsimile of a human out of powdered frozen vapour, but it takes a true Picasso of precipitation to create a frosty masterwork. 

Follow these tips to create a snow sculpture that will endure forever, unless the temperature rises even slightly: 

• Stack ‘em High: While traditional snowmen are comprised of three snowy spheroids stacked in ascending size for a more stable base and welcoming maternal curves, there’s no reason to stop there. Continue adding snowballs until your snowman is a gently tapering caterpillar towering gingerly into lower orbit—then decorate its face using a remote-controlled helicopter. 

• Don’t Mess with a Classic: Carrot noses were introduced in the 1600s to ridicule Guy Fawkes, a famous waster of then-precious vegetables. Keep his legacy alive today by shoving a carrot into your snowman’s face. If unavailable due to rabbit plagues or juicing fads, just steal a pylon from your nearest miniature village. 

• Attain Anatomical Accuracy: Keep your snowman’s proportions frighteningly human by having a friend volunteer to act as an armature for you to pack snow onto. He belongs to winter now.