The Speeding Ticket

His surefire method for getting out of ticket doesn't impress...  

A fellow was speeding, and got pulled over by a traffic cop. "What's the hurry?" the cop asked. 

"I'm on call at the clinic, and there's an emergency. I have to get there as quickly as possible" the driver explained. 

"What do you do?" 

"I'm a rectum stretcher" 

"A rectum stretcher? What's THAT?" 

"Well, I insert an appliance into the patient's rectum, and slowly open it up," the driver replied patiently. "Then I take a larger appliance and continue the process. Before long, the patient's rectum has been stretched out to over six feet." 

The cop is astonished. "SIX FEET!" he exclaimed. "What on earth would someone do with a six foot asshole?" 

"Well, they usually park him at the bottom of a hill with a badge and a radar gun..."