Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions...

Q: Did you catch that fish?
A: No, I talked him into giving himself up.
A: No, I was sitting here minding my own business when the crazy thing jumped into my pail.
A: No, it's a plastic model to get people like you to start fascinating conversations.

Q: (from a woman just pulled over by a police officer) Did I do something wrong, officer?
A: No, today we're giving tickets out for doing things right.
A: No, I just got tired of lugging around these heavy summonses so I decided to give some of them away.
A: No, I'm giving a ticket to this crazy street because it's going the wrong way.


Q: (from a waiter, to a husband and wife) Table for how many?
A: A hundred and twelve -- we like to change seats every few minutes.
A: One -- my wife will sit on my shoulders.
A: I don't know -- I can't count that high, either.

Q: (From lady to fellow bus-rider) Isn't my baby beautiful?
A: That's a baby?
A: Yes, in a Jabba-The-Hut sort of way.
A: Yes, but not nearly as beautiful as this spit-up on my coat.

Q: Are you gonna eat that?
A: Only if you want it.
A: No, I'm going to have it bronzed and put on my mantle.

Q: Excuse me sir, is this the end of the line?
A: No, it's the front, we're all standing backwards.