Giggles, Gaffaws and Groaners...

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 50 years. The wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the course on you.” The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”



Its Mike’s first day on the job as a bartender. As he serves a customer a Manhattan, a piece of parsley falls into the drink. “What the hell is that?” the customer asks.

“It’s your Manhattan. And there’s Central Park.” He replied.



An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist were standing around the university flagpole when an English professor wandered by. “What are you doing?” he asked. “We need to know the height of the flagpole,” said one, “and we’re discussing the formulas we might use to calculate it.” “Watch!” said the English professor. He pulled the pole from its fitting, laid it on the grass, borrowed a tape measure and said, “Exactly 24 feet.” Then he replaced the pole and walked away. “English professor!” sneer the mathematician, “We ask him for the height, and he gives us the length.”



Larry was startled to see the nonchalant way Jason was taking the fact that his girlfriend was seen with another man. “You said you loved her and yet you saw her with another man and you didn’t knock the guy down?”

“I’m waiting.”

“Waiting for what?” asked Larry

“Waiting to catch her with a smaller feller.”



The boss was concerned that his employees weren’t giving him enough respect, so he tried and old fashioned method of persuasion: He brought in a sign that said “I’m the Boss” and taped it to his door. After lunch, he noticed someone had taped another note under his. “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!”