Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

A foursome approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed of and hooked the ball into that direction. But the ball went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and was knocked back on to the fairway. As they all stood in silent amazement, one man finally asked him, “How on earth did you do that?” He shrugged his shoulders and said, “You have to know the bus schedule.”



A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley

motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"



The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...

"Try doing it with the engine running."



John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately. John's seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the stadium. He noticed an empty seat 10 rows up from the 50-yard line. He decides to make his way to the empty seat. As he sits down he asks the man next to him if anyone is sitting there. The man told him no, it was empty. John is very excited to have a seat like this at a Super Bowl and asks why in the world no one is using it? The man replied that it was his wife's seat but she passed away. He said this was the first Super Bowl that they have not attended together since they were married in 1968. John said that it was really sad and asked if he couldn't find someone, a relative or a close friend to take the seat?

"No" replied the man, "They're at her funeral!"



Sign on a door: "WARNING: Use door for entering and exiting only!"



A cannibal chief invited over another cannibal chief from a different tribe over for dinner. They sit down and eat the best meat. After dinner, the visiting cannibal chief said, "Wow that was good! Your wife makes the best meat." Then the other cannibal chief said, "Yeah, I'm gonna miss her..."



A man gave the waiter his order, "Black coffee, no cream"

The waiter came back and apologized, "I'm sorry, we're out of cream. Would you take your coffee without milk?"



A tribal farmer watching a Tarzan movie rushed out of the hall the moment a tiger appeared on screen, advancing menacingly towards the audience.

The gatekeeper trying to stop him argued that it's only a movie, to which the tribal replied: “I know it’s a movie, you also know it is, but does the tiger know"?