Giggles, Gaffaws and Groaners...

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates.



They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and

family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say

about you?

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the

greates doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful

husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our

children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies,

"I would like to hear them say... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"



An urgent call was put in for a plumber at noon but he didn’t arrive until 5 hours later. “How is it?” he asked entering the house. “Not so bad,” replied the home owner. “While we were waiting for you to arrive I taught my wife how to swim.”



At a bar Tom said to Bill; “Uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took wheels from a Cadillac, radiator from a Lexus, tires from a Ford”

“What did he get? Asked Bill

“Two years.” Said Tom



Tim asked Bob “What happened to your uncle’s boat?”

“Ever notice that big rock at the entrance to the Golden Gate?” said Bob.

“Yes, I have” replied Tim.

“Well, he didn’t” said Bob.



The census taker knocked on Miss Gibson’s door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. “But everybody tells their age to the census taker,” the man said. “Did Miss Mary Hill and Miss Patty Hill tell you their ages?”

“Certainly.” Well, I’m the same age as they are,” she snapped. “As old as the Hills,” the man wrote on his form.



While attending a Marriage seminar dealing with communication, Jack and his wife, Barb, listened to the instructor. “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He addressed the man, “can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?” Jack leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “Its Pillsbury isn’t it?”