Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

ON HUH?

"I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was not predictable when it started."

--Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld

ON COUNTRY SONGS, UNFORGETTABLE

• “She Made Toothpicks Out of the Timber of My Heart”

• “Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ’Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye”

• “Mama, Get the Hammer (There’s a Fly on Papa’s Head)”

--actual country song titles

ON HIP HIP HOORAY!

"I’m Urine Pot the Hero!"

--English subtitle for a Hong Kong film

ON WILD TIMES ON THE RIVIERA

"Competitors will defile themselves on the promenade at 11 a.m., and each car will have two drivers who will relieve themselves at each other’s convenience."

--from a brochure about a motoring event on the French Riviera

ON WHO’S ON FIRST?

Witness: The relevant question here is—

Attorney 1: Well, why don’t you let her ask a question?

Attorney 2: Let her ask—

Witness: I thought you did. Okay.

Attorney 3: I thought I did, too.

Attorney 1: Well, I don’t know what it is.

Attorney 3: The witness does, and I do.

Witness: What’s your question?

--actual courtroom testimony

ON THAT’S A RE-LEAF

"Continued prayers for Sharon Watson, who is recovering from tree surgery."

--Mount Nittany United Methodist Church bulletin, State College, Pennsylvania