Jest Jokes...

Q: What did one math book say to the other?

A: Man I got a lot of problems!



A man had two goldfish,

he named one of them "One"

and the other "Two"

he did this because..

if one died, he'd still have two...



Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'



Explanation of Microsoft computer messages

It says: "Press Any Key"

It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."

It says: "Press A Key"

(This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)

It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E"

It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

It says: "Installing program to C:\...."

It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."

It says: "Please insert disk 11"

It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."

It says: "Not enough memory"

It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K."

It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."

It means: "... However, if you put the CD in correct side up..."

It says: "Please Wait...."

It means: "... Indefinitely."

It says: "Directory does not exist...."

It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."

It means: ".... Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."



An Antartian is standing at a vending machine putting money in the slot and collecting can after can after can of Coke. A bloke behind her is getting more and more impatient. 'For Christ's sake, hurry up!' he says. And she replies, 'Can't you see I'm winning?'



A pick pocket was pronounced guilty and sentenced to 8 months jail term with an option of $200 fine by the judge. His defense lawyer knowing that his client could not pay the fine, pleaded with the judge asking; “Your honor, my client can only afford $50, but if you allow him a few minutes in the crowd …



A turtle was walking through the park when two snails attacked, punched, kicked, and stole his wallet. The police arrived and asked, “What happen to you, were you attacked, were you robbed?” The turtle on his back, bruised, with one eye shut, said "I don't know officer, it happen so Fast"