Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

ON OH NO, NOT AGAIN!
"You’ve mistaken that banana for a telephone!"

--a handy English phrase in a Japanese textbook

ON ONE FOR THE ROAD
"You’re going to have to give me a little longer. This is tougher when you’ve been drinking."

--Illinois woman, quoted in the (Bloomington, Indiana) Pantagraph

ON GIBLETS, ONES THAT MAKE BAD GRAVY

Newlywed Game host Bob Eubanks: Gentlemen, what will your wives say is their favorite giblet?

Contestant: She would say her favorite giblet is, uh, is her panties.

Eubanks: Her panties.

Contestant: She’s got, she’s got these funny-looking panties and I don’t know what a giblet is . . .

Eubanks: You don’t know how close you are really. Rick?

Contestant #2: It would have to be our Pachinko game.

--TV Game Show The Newlywed Game

ON WAITING, MOIST
"BLUEPOINT OYSTERS OPENED WHILE YOU WAIT IN THEIR OWN JUICE"

--roadside sign, Cape May, New Jersey

ON FACIAL-EXPRESSION ABILITY, UNUSUAL
"He raises his left eyebrow up, and raises his right eyebrow down . . ."

--Philadelphia Eagles player Ike Reese, talking about his head coach, Andy Reid

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ON COMPUTER USERS, BEYOND DUMB
"I can’t print. Every time I try, it says “Can’t find printer.” I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it . . ."

--actual call to a computer tech-support line