Wii Video Games Blamed For Rise In Effeminate Violence

WASHINGTON—Concerned parents are again blasting the Nintendo Wii for an incident of effeminate violence following a 13-year-old boy's limp-wristed attack on three of his classmates at a Cleveland-area middle school Tuesday.

The incident—the sixth of its kind in as many months—has left parents searching for answers and struggling to comprehend the dainty assault, which left the necks of two sweaters severely stretched out and countless fingers stubbed.

"These games are a prissy little menace to our society," said Linda Roberts, 35, a mother of three and founder of the group Parents Against Wii, which is suing Nintendo for $52 million in damages from two recent swattings. "One of these days, the red marks on our children's arms might not just go away after five minutes."

The Wii, now the most popular gaming system in the country, most recently came under fire last month, when 15-year-old Los Angeles student Brian Strickland, who reportedly plays Wii Sports tennis, was expelled for flicking his wrist back and forth at a fellow sophomore's head. And in January, 12-year-old Boulder, CO native Andrew Conner, a fan of the WarioWare: Smooth Moves game, was hospitalized after swinging his arm like an elephant trunk into members of the eighth-grade boys basketball team.

"The Nintendo company is knowingly exposing our children to disturbing acts of foppishness right in our living rooms," said Roberts of PAW. "Even more frightening, the motion-sensing technology teaches them that the only way to resolve conflicts is to flail their arms in acts of fruity aggression."

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*The Onion