Har-di-har-har!

A woman, enjoying a good game of cards with her girlfriends one evening, suddenly jumped up and said, "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to really be angry if it's not ready on time."

When she got home, she realized she didn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she had was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food.

In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled into the garage. She greeted him and then watched fearfully as he sat down to his dinner.

To her surprise, the husband really enjoyed his food. "Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day.

Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish.

She told her cronies about it and they were all horrified. "You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed.

Two months later her husband did die! The women were sitting around the table playing cards when one of the cronies said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?"

The wife calmly replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantle while he was licking himself clean."



Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"



At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute 5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks.
"I musta got 'em from my Mommy," said the little girl, 'cause my Daddy's still got his.



Teacher: Now, Sammy... tell me. Do you say prayers before eating?
Sammy : No sir, I don't have to. My mom is a great cook.



Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.

:O)