Hee-Haws

The U.N. conducted a worldwide survey with only one question:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a total failure. Africans didn't know what "food" meant. Eastern Europeans didn't know what "honest" meant. Western Europeans didn't know what "shortage" meant. The Chinese didn't know what "opinion" meant. Middle Easterners didn't know what "solution" meant. South Americans didn't know what "please" meant.

And the Americans didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant!

A Chinese couple, Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wong's have a new baby. The nurse brings them over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, white baby boy!

Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents. "What will you name the baby?" The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, "Well, two Wong's don't make white, so I tink we will name him Sum Ting Wong.

USE IT OR LOSE IT

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband called out ...

"Perhaps you should hear how all this came about... I was driving home on the highway when I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled. I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten about in the fridge. Shew as bare-footed so I gave her your good sandals which you never wore because they had gone out of style. She was cold so I gave her the sweater which I bought for you for your birthday but you never wore because the color didn't suit you. Her pants were torn, so I gave her a pair of your jeans, which were perfectly good, but too small for you now. Then just as she was about to leave, she asked, 'Is there ....anything else your wife doesn't use anymore ?'"

After having their eleventh child, a North Georgia Mountain couple decided that 11 was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but it was expensive.

"A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in the North Georgia Mountains), light it, put it in an empty beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor. So the hillbilly went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.

He held the can up to his ear and began to count, "1, 2,3, 4, 5..."

At this point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Kentucky, West Virginia, Tennessee, Arkansas, Louisiana, and parts of Mississippi