"Ahhh...I own that hotel on Vermont... That'll be $550 bucks, Please!... or I could upgrade you to Boardwalk.. for...

Oh, Wait a minute... You didn't buy the Hotel Assurance upgrade...."

"Bill Gates may soon be joining Leona Helmsley and Donald Trump among the world's elite hoteliers. Sir Bill's investment group is part of a consortium bidding to take over the Four Seasons Hotel chain. One can only imagine what may happen if the bid is successful.

At the new "Four Seasons Live," room service will be available for just $35 per call, though all food deliveries will be routed through Bangalore.

To combat rampant towel piracy, guests will be required to validate their room keys within 15 minutes of checking in or get locked out; the toilets will ask three times if you're really sure you want to flush.

Welcome to the Hotel Microsoft: You can reboot any time you like, but you can never leave...