The Love Doctor

Dear Love Doctor,

I saw your column and just wanted to ask, how are you qualified to answer love and romance and relationship questions?


Signed,

Skeptical in San Diego.

Howdy Skeptical! First of all, congratulations! You are my very first advice questioner email sender person that has asked me that! And all the way from South America! Hola! I don’t really speak Spanish, excepting like “Burrito, and “Taco”, “Cheeto” and “Canola”. And of course “Corona”, the Lab Lite of Mexico.

Anyways, let ME ask YOU, what qualifies YOU to ask ME what qualifies ME to give advice to YOU? You follow Me? Now I’m not trying to be rude, I’m just doing what they call “turning the tables”. Which is an expression which came from the old days when people wanted to really change things up and they’d turn tables for real, and suddenly see everything from a whole fresh perspective cuz the table was suddenly all turned. And that’s really what it’s all about. Getting Fresh. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times- KEEP CHANGING- BE ORIGINAL- BE FRESH!

The best way to get someone to fall for you is to pretend to be really spontaneous and full of life and passionate and excited about life. It will wear you down, but you only have to keep it up for 6 months or so. And that’s what it all gets down to. Keeping it up. Keeping up your irresistible persona until they are locked in to the relationship. Then drop that sumbich act ASAP so you can recupe. It’s just like when you are at the lake and a hot babe walks by and you suck in your beer gut (or your gutto de Corona as you might say) and then as soon as they walk by, you let the flab bounce out again. And if they stop and talk to you, you just try to use a normal voice while you are pressing in with all the force God will give you, while hoping no air blows out your basement.

So you just kinda do that for 6 months or so, till it’s just easier for them to stay than start over with someone else doing the same thing. I better stop there- I don’t wanna give away ALL my advice all in one post!

Anyone else need some advice- FREE dating advice (but donations accepted for beer money) send ‘em in to The Love Doctor! I got lots of time now that I been only workin' part time and I got nothing else to do. Kind of a hero at extra large I guess.


The Love Doctor

--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says)