Humour

ONLY IN CANADA 

1. Only in Canada .......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance 

2. Only in Canada .......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 

3. Only in Canada .....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in Canada .......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 

5. Only in Canada .......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 

6. Only in Canada .......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 

7. Only in Canada .......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 

8. Only in Canada .....do we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight. 

9. Only in Canada ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning bloodsucking creatures'. 

10. Only in Canada ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

 

EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? 

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? 

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? 

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? 

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? 

Why is it that to stop Windows XP, you have to click on "Start"? 

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? 

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? 

Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food? 

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? 

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? 

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? 

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! 

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? 

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? 

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? 

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? 

*Thanks, Andy