A Mad Cow Found in Montana...

*Requires flash* 

DEFINITELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK! CONTAINS MULTIPLE INSTANCES OF THE "F" WORD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Click on the cow

Kayak On The Ocean

Click above for this awesome movie. (wmv - ~400KB)
Makes me want to Kayak in the ocean!!!!

Use your 'BACK'button to return to 'OZ'

Get yer facts straight, eh?

*H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

*To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

*When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

*Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is water and gin.

*A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

*Liter: A nest of young puppies.

*Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

*Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

*Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

*The pistol of the flower is its only protection against insects.

*A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

*To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

*For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower that the heart until the heart stops.

*For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

*Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

*The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

*Blood flows down one leg and up the other. 

** If you think these are facts, God help ya!

Driving test for straight men

Most straight men will get this right!!

You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING sign posted, and come upon a bicycle rider. Do you follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 2 miles, or do you break the law and pass?

Which is the correct choice?






Scroll down...

Why take unnecessary risks?

How to stay young...

 

1. Try everything twice. On Madams tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice...loved it both times!

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. 

(keep  this in mind if you are one of those grouches;)

3. Keep learning:

Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen:

Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.  LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:

Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:

If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips.

Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time.

And if you don't send this post to at least 4 people - who cares?

But do share this with someone. 

Games for dumb blondes of either sex

Did God Create Everything?

This is a really great answer to a question you may be asked or have asked. Did God create everything that exists? Does evil exist? Did God create evil?

A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?" A student bravely replied "Yes He did". "God created everything?" the professor asked. "Yessir, He certainly did." the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil.

And since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."

The student became quiet and did not answer the professor's hypothetical definition. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?" "Of course", replied the professor. The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?" "What kind of a question is this?

Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The other students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body, or object, is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body, or matter, have or transmit energy.

Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat.

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?" The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct?

Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present." Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said, we see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name was Albert Einstein.

Heaven and Hell

An observant woman died one day, and found herself waiting in the long line for judgment.  As she stood there, she noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into heaven.

Others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into the burning pit.

But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul into a small pile off to one side.

After watching Satan do this several times, the woman's curiosity got the best of her.  So she strolled over to find out what the devil he was doing.

Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," she said.

"I'm waiting my turn for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering,

Why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?"

"Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan.

"They're all from Vancouver; they're too wet to burn!" 

Just imagine sand fantasy

*Thanks, Daryn!

Marketing ....

The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."

Well, here it is:

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed,"

That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed," That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed," That's Telemarketing.

You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed," That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep. Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realise that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the centre and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Junk Mail.

Free Test

This is a free Canadian Medical Test  Compliments of our medical system!

Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY?

Because no one else  in this damn house knows

HOW to change a light bulb!  They don't even

Know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!!  They would

sit in the dark for  THREE DAYS before they figured it  out.

And, once they  figured it out,

they wouldn't be  able to find the

light bulbs despite  the fact that

they've been in the  SAME

CUPBOARD

for the past 17  YEARS!

But if they did, by  some

miracle of God,  actually

find them 2 DAYS  LATER,

the chair they  dragged to

stand on to change  the STUPID light bulb would

STILL BE  IN

THE SAME SPOT!!!!!

AND  UNDERNEATH

IT WOULD BE THE

WRAPPER  THE

STUPID  LIGHT

BULBS CAME IN!!!

BECAUSE NO ONE

EVER CARRIES OUT

THE GARBAGE!!!!

IT'S A WONDER WE

HAVEN'T ALL

SUFFOCATED FROM

THE PILES OF

GARBAGE  THAT

ARE A FOOT DEEP

THROUGHOUT THE

ENTIRE  HOUSE!!

IT  WOULD TAKE

AN  ARMY TO

CLEAN  THIS

DAMNED HOUSE!

I'm sorry....  What was the question?

Working with idiots can kill you....

 

Please Respond to Supervisor....

When asked to do something…simply send this reply...

Men...

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "Wha t does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and pass gas!

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor, or GAY ;-)

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

A PRAYER....

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

LUTHERAN AIR

WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE:

LUTHERAN AIR IS NOW OPERATING IN MINNYSOTA... ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA.

If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran (Lutheran) Air, DA No-frills airline. You're all in DA same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is a upliftin experience.

Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in DA rear of DA aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by free will offering and DA plane will not land 'til DA Budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit DA safety system aboard dis Lutran Air 599.

Okay den, listen up. I'm only gonna say dis vonce. In DA event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because we fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean DA Second Coming or something of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodar with doze liddle masks on DA rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger tings to worry About den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair little holes. Probably DA Masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're going to have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sort a like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.

In DA event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying DA Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to DA part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some people say "trespass against us," which isn't right, but what can you do?

Da use of cell phones on DA plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse DA plane's navigation system, which is seat of DA pants all DA way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in DA wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mout on DA Side of your head.

We start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style with DA coffee pot up front. Den we'll have DA hymn sing; hymnals are in DA seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kiddin!

Right now I'll say Grace: "Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut or pretty close." 

Trunk Monkey

HotDogs for Homophobes

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien....tongue in cheek, eh?

Click above for the movie. (wmv - ~512KB)

WOW!

 Painted Floor

Moses

Recently, while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long gray hair, wearing a white robe and sandals, and holding a staff. President Bush went up to the man and said, "Has anyone told you that you look like Moses?"

The man didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead.

The president said, "Moses!" in a loud voice.

The man just stared ahead, never acknowledging the president.

The president pulled a Secret Service agent aside and, pointing to the robed man, asked him, "Am I crazy or does that man not look like Moses to you?"

The Secret Service agent looked at the man and agreed.

"Well," said the president, "every time I say his name, he ignores me and stares straight ahead, refusing to speak. Watch!" Again the president yelled, "Moses!" and again the man ignored him.

The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?"


The man leaned over and whispered back, "Yes, I am Moses. However, the last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the desert and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire Middle East where there is no oil."

*Thanks, SalTCBug

New Computer Desk

Ukrainian Math

A Ukranian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

 "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

 "Without numbers?" the Ukranian says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees.

 "What's this?" the boss asks.

 "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Ukranian.

 "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question.

 Use the same  rules, but this time the number is 99."

 The Ukranian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

 The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

 "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

 The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this  Ukranian,   so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

 The Ukranian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

 The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

 (You're going to love this one!!!)

 The Ukranian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred. So, when do I start?"

Food etiquette

Try this quiz...

Click above to beat the Wiz. (8 out of 11)

Record your score in the comments!

ABOUT DRINKING WATER

The following will probably amaze and startle you... 

One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University study. Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers. 

A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer. 

Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day? (No kidding, all of the above is true...) Of course, too much water may have strange side effects (see picture below) ...

Non-living things have gender

You may not know this, but many non-living things have a gender.

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

Angel on Highway 109

A drunk man in an Oldsmobile

They said had run the light

That caused the six-car pileup

On 109 that night.

 

When broken bodies lay about

"And blood was everywhere,"

"The sirens screamed out eulogies,"

For death was in the air.

 

"A mother, trapped inside her car,"

Was heard above the noise;

Her plaintive plea near split the air:

"Oh, God, please spare my boys!"

 

She fought to loose her pinned hands;

"She struggled to get free,"

But mangled metal held her fast

In grim captivity.

 

Her frightened eyes then focused

"On where the back seat once had been,"

But all she saw was broken glass and

Two children's seats crushed in.

 

Her twins were nowhere to be seen;

"She did not hear them cry, "

"And then she prayed they'd been thrown free, "

"Oh, God, don't let them die! "

 

Then firemen came and cut her loose, "

"But when they searched the back, "

"They found therein no little boys, "

But the seat belts were intact.

 

They thought the woman had gone mad

"And was traveling alone, "

"But when they turned to question her, "

They discovered she was gone.

 

Policemen saw her running wild

And screaming above the noise

In beseeching supplication,

"Please help me find my boys!

 

They're four years old and wear blue shirts;

Their jeans are blue to match."

"One cop spoke up, ""They're in my car,

And they don't have a scratch.

 

They said their daddy put them there

And gave them each a cone, "

Then told them both to wait for Mom

To come and take them home.

 

"I've searched the area high and low, "

But I can't find their dad.

"He must have fled the scene

I guess, and that is very bad."

 

The mother hugged the twins and said,

While wiping at a tear,

"He could not flee the scene, you see, "

"For he's been dead a year."

 

"The cop just looked confused and asked, "

"Now, how can that be true? "

"The boys said, ""Mommy, Daddy came

And left a kiss for you.

 

He told us not to worry

And that you would be all right, "

And then he put us in this car with

The pretty, flashing light.

 

We wanted him to stay with us,

Because we miss him so,

But Mommy, he just hugged us tight

And said he had to go.

 

He said someday we'd understand

And told us not to fuss,"

And he said to tell you, Mommy,

"He's watching over us."

 

The mother knew without a doubt

That what they spoke was true,

For she recalled their dad's last words,

"I will watch over you."

 

The firemen's notes could not explain

The twisted, mangled car,

And how the three of them escaped

Without a single scar.

 

But on the cop's report was scribed,

In print so very fine,

"An angel walked the beat tonight on Highway 109."

Two Sisters

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.

The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

! After buying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable".

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want ! her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, "comfortable?'"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slow. - - - - "com-for-da-bul"

A Deep Thought

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much." were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."

Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary."

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists."

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

Your Child and Bullying - Tips for Parents and Communities

(ARA) - Many children in America today are terrified to attend school. At the extreme, this is caused by the school shootings that have occurred over the past ten years and once again recently on a reservation in Red Lake, Minnesota. These shootings are tragedies that we must work hard to end. But a much more common reason that children fear going to school is because they are being teased, taunted and often physically attacked at and on their way to and from school.

This behavior, also known as bullying, is prevalent in the lives of 30 percent of school children within a school year. It is a phenomenon that we must address and is one that requires a coordinated response across our communities. Left unchecked it creates an environment within our schools that leads to greater and greater levels of violence, including the types of school shootings that have tragically captured the nation's attention.

Would you know what to do if your child or someone you knew constantly appeared sad, moody, teary or depressed, and has lost interest or refuses to go to school? These symptoms are not uncommon and could be signs that a student is being bullied. Bullying must no longer be treated as a right of passage for children as they move through the school system. It is too rampant in scope and the harm it causes is too profound to be treated so lightly.

In one way or another all students are impacted by the act of bullying. Children who are bullied are at a greater chance of school failure, dropping out, depression, sleep disorders, suicidal ideations, and committing acts of violence as a means of retaliation. Children who act as the bully also are impacted -- having a greater probability of committing criminal acts later in life, perpetuating family violence and also committing suicide at a greater rate. Bullying even harms the bystanders, leaving them feeling helpless, out of control, intimidated and guilty for not taking action. It is important for everyone to know what to do to protect all children from bullying whether it is taking place in their schools or in their communities.

Working in collaboration with the Child Welfare League of America and others, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services offers the following tips:

* Open up the lines of communication. Parents need to talk with their children about what is happening in their kids' lives -- both the good and the bad. This is particularly true about their hours in school and whether there is anything troubling about their school experience.

* If you are unsure, check your sources. If you are not certain that what your child is experiencing is bullying, do some research. There are very clearly defined warning signs. Go to StopBullyingNow to see if any of these fit the characteristics of your child.

* Help children take a stand. Empower children to notify an adult at their school if they are experiencing bullying and to stand up for themselves or others if they witness this action happening to their peers. Empowering them may mean standing by their side as they report this behavior to the school.

* Use every moment as a "teachable moment." Educators and school administrators need to use every opportunity to address the topic of bullying in their schools. They should use an incident of bullying as an opportunity to let all involved know that bullying is not acceptable and will not be allowed.

* Help to get your community focused on the problem of bullying. We can all play a pivotal role in developing coalitions designed to tackle this issue, helping to pass clear "codes of conduct" in our schools that address bullying in a proactive way, and targeting bullying early.

* Get a prevention program started in your community. Don't attempt to reinvent the wheel; instead consider one of the many useful programs located on the StopBullyingNow.hrsa.gov Web site. You can access information on step-by-step guides to get a program started where you live. Law enforcement can also be a vital resource in spearheading your efforts.

* Don't think that peer mediation and conflict resolution are the answer. Peer mediation and conflict resolution are not the best ways of dealing with most instances of bullying. These methods can re-traumatize the student who has been bullied and generally are not found to improve the relationship between the parties. Instead, adults should help the child being bullied to regain control of the situation through other means -- providing support and safety from retaliation for the child and any witnesses who report the bullying -- and holding the bully accountable for their actions.

* Create a safe and secure place for children to hang out. Children need a safe haven where they can feel protected from harm and deal with the issues that they are facing. We can all help to provide these places, while at the same time providing after school educational and recreational opportunities.

Bullying is no longer just a school-yard issue. In light of the school shootings in the late 90s and again in recent weeks, bullying is a problem that everyone needs to take personally. There are resources out there that all of us can use. Go to the Department of Health and Human Services Web site www.StopBullyingNow.hrsa.gov to find the tip sheets that parents, peers, kids, administrators, law enforcement, educators and communities can follow to do their part in making a difference in the lives of children who are being bullied. If we do, we may end up saving a child's life.

*Shay Bilchik is President and CEO, Child Welfare League of America

Lloyd Evan Owen

Lloyd Evan Owen
January 17, 1929 - January 22, 2006

I offer my condolences to Clarice and the family and friends of Lloyd Owen.

Lloyd was already a friend of my wife Barbara and came in to my life when she and I started looking for a house. He had such dedication and yes.. extreme patience with me and my wife. You see, we were intent on buying a house in the country. Driving us all over hell's half acre! Lloyd showed his patience time and again when we fell in love with a particular property. Lloyd was patient in listening to us harp on about how great it seemed. Lloyd always let us go on and on before he said, on more than one occasion, "Now do you want to know why this is not a good property?" Of course he was always right!

Lloyd was also my friend. I used to work for Gateway computers and I think that I was at least partially responsible for giving him many a headache by introducing him into new and updated technologies. I always loved it when he would call me over for coffee and advice as to what "the computer was doin'"...

Lloyd was always a very proud man. I found in him a friendship that I will miss greatly, and of course our email jokes! Clarice and family, I know that you have suffered a great loss, but knowing Lloyd, he will still be watching us all from heaven.

I will also remember "For Land's Sakes... better call LEO!" as was his real estate motto.

So long, Lloyd, and thanks for being such a part of my life.

DEFINITIONS

THERE WERE TWO LADIES WALKING ON THE SIDEWALK, AHEAD WAS A DIRTY OLD MAN CROSSING THE STREET, HE CROSSED TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET WHEN HE SAW THE LADIES COMING, AFTER THEY PASSED HE RETURNED BACK ACROSS THE STREET, ONE LADY SAID TO THE OTHER LADY,

"HE IS A DIRTY DOUBLE CROSSER"



A FELLOW WENT FISHING IN HIS TRAM BOAT, HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE WITH THE FISH, SOOOOOO...

HE DROPPED THEM A LINE.

*Thanks, SalTCBug

6 Reasons Tinky Winky Can't Be Gay

1. The Purse doesn't match the shoes. Purple AND Red, I mean really, clash-o-rama.

2. He's kinda obese. Everybody knows that gay men (especially public figures) are in terrific shape. Bit too much pudding, Tink?

3. That headpiece. A gold star for its FABULOUS height, but it really doesn't have much in the way of frills, its just a triangle. It absolutely demands bugle beads, or something lacey.

4. He hangs out in a meadow. Not a bush or tree in sight. A bit too daring for anything but the quickest quickie.

5. He's a really bad dancer.

6. The name Tinky Winky. I don't know a gay man on the planet who would go with a name like that.... HELLO, it screams "I'm small down there and I don't care who knows it."

Some old, some new...all squeaky clean

Gramma Jones tripped on the stairs and broke her leg.

The doctor put a cast on it and warned that she wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off.

Four months later he removed the cast and pronounced her well on the way to recovery.

"Oh good," she responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?"

"Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful."

"I can't tell you what a relief it will be," she sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe to my fifth floor apartment all the time!"

A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police.

"For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom."

When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?"

"What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"

"I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was."

When a woman wears leather clothing,
A man's heart beats quicker,
his throat gets dry,
he goes weak in the knees,
and he begins to think irrationally.
Ever wonder why?





Because she smells like a new truck

I took a very classy and absolutely gorgeous lady on our first date the other evening. We had dinner at a very nice restaurant and went to a stage show afterwards. We were getting along fabulously and as the time came to part I drove her to her house and walked her to her front door.

Being a gentleman I thanked her for her company, saying she was so beautiful she reminded me of a wild rambling rose. She thanked me for the compliment and we parted, but not before we arranged to see each other the following evening.

I arrived at her house the next evening as arranged, walked to and knocked on her front door. She came to the door, opened it and punched me right in the mouth.

Somewhat surprised as one would expect, I asked her what had caused her to do that?

She replied, "After you dropped me home last night I was very flattered by the compliment you gave me and looked up wild rambling rose in my encyclopedia. It said that they did not perform well in a bed but when tied to a fence or wall, rooted very well."

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. His wife's tissue type was a match so she offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honour their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

U.S. Holds Going-Out-Of-Business Sale

WASHINGTON, DC—In an address broadcast on late-night television Tuesday, President Bush announced that the federal government will liquidate its holdings in a going-out-of-business sale scheduled to begin Friday. "The U.S. government, America's place for law and order since 1776, has lost its lease, and everything must go, go, go," Bush said. "But our loss is your gain."

Choices

A Priest was seated next to a Newfie on a flight to St. John's.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Newfie asked for a Lambs Rum and Pepsi, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the priest if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust..... "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Newfie then handed his drink back to the attendant and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

*Thanks, Daryn

Electric Fence

The story accompanying these photos is one of 7 circulating over the net. This one is wrong as it places the incidence in Australia.... first clue it's not quite right? Pythons are from Africa.

The final comment from Urban Legends and hoaxes:

Of the seven different captions that have accompanied the preceding images on their email rounds since July 2005, only one correctly identifies their place of origin: a game farm in South Africa. Specifically, the snapshots were taken at the Silent Valley Game Ranch in the Limpopo Province.

As stated on the ranch's Web site, the snake is four-meter-long rock python which, shortly before its death, had swallowed a full-grown female impala, making its body too fat to squeeze under the electric fence without touching it.

Electric Fence....

Read story first!!!

An Australian sheep farmer was puzzled at the disappearance of sheep on his farm.

After a few weeks of sheep disappearing the farmer decided to put up an electric fence.

This is what he found! ...

I remember it well...

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together - over 50 years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well!"

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but very good idea!"

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.



Suddenly, they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen! This goes on for about forty minutes.

Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.

After about a half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing. He's got to ask them what their secret is.

As the couple passes, he say to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"




The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

*Thanks, Daryn

How to pass time at a stoplight...

Next time you are in a car with a friend, and you pull up to a red light, look at the guy in the car next to you.

Roll down your window really fast (like you want to talk to him), and when the guy rolls HIS window down, look at him and yell:

"Oh, did you fart, too?"

Glow Worm

Tristan & Isolde

Starring: James Franco, Sophia Myles, Rufus Sewell
Director: Kevin Reynolds
Fax: 2005, adventure

(Los Angeles, California) Great, now Hollywood's handing out homework. "Tristan & Isolde" may not be quite as tedious as a weekend assignment to read the works of Alfred Lord Tennyson or Thomas Malory, but it's close.

The story of these two lovers predates Lancelot and Guinevere or Romeo and Juliet, and their grandly tragic romance packs as much longing and dramatic pedigree as those tales, at least from a literary standpoint.

Yet the names — Tristan, the shining knight of Britain, Isolde, the fair princess of Ireland — do not resonate today the way those others do, the Arthurian love triangle and Shakespeare's passion play benefiting from endless populist incarnations on screen, stage and the page.

Tristan and Isolde have been relegated to the dusty text bin, their story living on mainly through the works of Tennyson and Malory or the opera by Richard Wagner.

Ridley Scott, an executive producer on the movie along with brother Tony, had long considered directing "Tristan & Isolde" himself but has had his fill of historical epics in recent years with the blockbuster "Gladiator" and the dud "Kingdom of Heaven."

Scott turned screenwriter Dean Georgaris' version over to director Kevin Reynolds ("Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves"), who fails to inject much ardor. The action plays out with a ponderous air of doom and self-importance that the beautiful but bland leads — James Franco and Sophia Myles — cannot sustain.

The movie offers occasional images as pretty as ancient, intricate though dusty tapestry. Cinematographer Arthur Reinhart, the costumers and set designers apparently were under orders to keep everything, stark, dark, dingy and drab.

There are many variations to the Tristan and Isolde legend, the filmmakers opting for a straightforward knight-meets-damsel account stripped of the magical trappings permeating earlier renditions.

Parents slain by Irish raiders in the dark times after the Roman Empire's collapse has left Britain a rat's nest of feuding lords, Tristan (Franco) grows up the devoted ward of Marke (Rufus Sewell), the land's best hope for unity under a single king.

Presumed killed himself in a skirmish with Irish thugs, Tristan actually washes ashore in Ireland, where Isolde (Myles), daughter of the island's conniving King Donnchadh (David Patrick O'Hara), nurses him back to health.

Naturally, they fall in love, but Tristan must flee for home to avoid capture by Donnchadh's henchmen. He returns to win the hand of Donnchadh's daughter for Marke in a tournament, Tristan unaware until he's victorious that the prize he'll deliver to his foster father is Isolde.

What follows is an uninspired variant of the Arthur-Guinevere-Lancelot fiasco, punctuated by moments of tepid battle and intrigue as Donnchadh schemes to put England under the Irish boot heel once and for all.

Students of Ireland's long fight to break free of Britain may find an ironic chuckle or two in the Englishmen's laments about shaking off their Irish tyrants.

Most of the dialogue, though, is shallow bluster made more anemic through the actors' whispery delivery, a few lines sinking to laughable sappiness. ("Why does loving you feel so wrong?" Isolde blathers with the air-headed giddiness of a bad AM pop song.)

Franco looks good on the movie poster but has little presence as Tristan, aiming for a Dark Ages take on the cool aloofness of his "James Dean" TV movie and tossing off his lines in dreary monotones. His chaotic hair style also at times leaves Franco with an unfortunate resemblance to Napoleon Dynamite.

Myles fairs better, not exactly setting pulses aquiver but at least infusing Isolde with a fetching blend of allure and purity. She also has nice comic support from Bronagh Gallagher (best known as one of the backup singers in "The Commitments") as Isolde's dotingly overprotective lady in waiting.

Those few highlights aside, as trysts go, "Tristan & Isolde" will linger in your memory about as long as one of your fleeting junior-high crushes.

*Review by David Fermain, Associated Press

Hackers could exploit Windows 'error'

Users of Windows laptops with Wi-Fi capabilities may be opening their hard drives up to snoopers, according to a security researcher. A bug in the way Windows manages wireless network connections means that people using their laptops in public places are frequently giving anyone in the area the means to invade their systems, according to Mark Loveless of Nomad Mobile Research Centre (NMRC).

When a laptop has been connected to an ad-hoc network it can later begin advertising that ad-hoc network's SSID identifier without the user's knowledge, giving those nearby the opportunity to carry out an attack, according to Loveless.

He called the bug a "configuration error" rather than a security vulnerability, but gave it a severity rating of "High (albeit lame)."

"In theory all kinds of information could be siphoned off, but that depends on either a secondary vulnerability (such as MS05-039 patch not being applied), a lack of a personal firewall, or open shares. Granted, when I found a machine vulnerable to the wireless flaw, I usually found one of those secondary issues as well, but the vast majority of laptops were not vulnerable to the wireless flaw in the first place," he said.

While the bug sounds unlikely in theory, in practice Loveless frequently came across vulnerable laptops in airports and on planes. "While visiting Charlotte, North Carolina... - walking the terminal during massive East Coast rain delays with most flights delayed by a couple of hours - I counted no less than 62 ad-hoc devices," he said in an advisory. "A conservative estimate would put half of those ad-hoc devices at risk." On four domestic U.S. flights, he counted 11 vulnerable laptops.

Amazing!

Did you know it takes forty pigs to make four thousand sausages? Isn't it amazing what you can teach them?

*Thanks, SalTCBug

Inter-Galactic Travel

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night.

They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response and the older alien said, "I'd calm down if I were you"

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting.

Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien warned his comrade saying, "You don't want to do that! I don't think you should make him mad."

"Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire.

There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, crumpling mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

About a half hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes and straightened his bent antenna and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big green head.

"What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?"

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, when a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself and then stick it in his ear, you REALLY don't want to mess with him!"

Bumper Snickers

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

All generalizations are false.

Cover me - I'm changing lanes.

Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

It IS as bad as you think; they ARE out to get you.

Dear Auntie Em,… Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy (That one's for you, Wizard).

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep (I think Brian says this about me!).

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

Real women don't have hot flashes. They have power surges.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Be nice to your kids. They'll be the ones to choose your nursing home.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Caution: I drive like you do.

My kid beat-up your honour student.

So many cats - So few recipes.

The Writings On The Stall

If you're like me, you just can't spend enough time reading in public restrooms. And there's always some guy standing in front of the next chapter on the wall by the urinal. And he seldom wants to be a dear and jot down the phone number. I kid. Comic relief.

But it is nice the computer age brings funny restroom graffiti direct to our screens, the modern bathroom monitors. Of course, we must do without the ambient flushes and floating cigarette butts.

This site is clogged with hundreds of actual messages noted in the Mens and Ladies, Guys and Dolls, Buoys and Gulls. We're told "They serve as (informal) forums for politics, pop culture, humor, and so forth." Please note: Explicit content and they're out of paper towels.

My personal favourite:

University of Colorado
Engineering Building
Boulder, Colorado USA 80023
Men's restroom, ground floor

E=MC2
(And underneath it)
Very nice Albert, next time show your work
Written on the side of a stall, Albert Einstein's famous equation.

The Writings on the Stall!
Entries posted on this site don't necessarily reflect the beliefs of its The Wizard.

What STR8 Guys Do In The Bathroom...

Click above for the short movie

Making Sense Of English

Lets face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

Do I Smell?

Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor, I washed my hair several times. That night when I went to bed, I leaned over to my husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?"

"No," he said, sniffing me. "Do I smell like Popeye?"

*Thanks, SalTCBug

Kitty Thoughts

When I was just a kitten,

My mother said to me.

"Someday, you'll have a human pet,

They're cuddly and they're free".

She said "They're awful clumsy,

They stumble, trip, and fall.

They cannot even see a Cat,

Sleeping in a hall".

"They act as if they own the place,

They're bossy every day".

"You'll learn you must ignore them

It's just the human way".

So, I took my Mom's advice,

I got a human pet.

I have named her Bev,

And she's cuddly as they get.

Owning Bev's been some fun,

And usually we are friends.

But she can be a handful,

I'm glad she wasn't twins.

Humans really aren't too bright,

Their brains are small, I guess.

While trying hard to train her,

I've not had much success.

She doesn't seem to understand,

How things are 'posed to be.

She insists on being headstrong,

Not mellowed out, like me.

She hasn't learned to lick herself,

To keep her body clean.

And when it comes to purring,

She isn't very keen.

She plays on her computer,

Just wasting time away.

When playing with a ball of string,

Could really make her day.

She's seems content to sit there,

Banging on those keys.

While I inspect her ankles,

Checking them for fleas.

When my neighbors visit me,

We sneak out to the bushes.

We laugh about our human pets,

While sitting on our tushes.

Bev's getting up in years,

And becoming rather slow.

There are a lot of cats out there,

Who'd say she has to go.

But I'm inclined to keep her,

I've considered this a lot.

Why train another human pet,

When I love the one I've GOT.

At the Globes, 'Brokeback Mountain' Takes Top Awards

Ang Lee poses with the Golden Globe award
he won for best director for his work on "Brokeback Mountain." (Reed Saxon AP)

LOS ANGELES, Jan. 16 - A groundbreaking film about a love affair between two cowboys took top awards at the 63rd Golden Globes on Monday, a ceremony that dealt almost entirely with low-budget, art house films that have not yet broken through to blockbuster-size audiences.

"Brokeback Mountain," a poetic film that spans a 30-year romance, based on the short story by Annie Proulx, won best dramatic film, best director for Ang Lee, best screenplay for Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana and best song.

The film, starring Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal as the lovers, has raised the issue of the acceptance of gay relationships on screen and in wider American society. The film has been enthusiastically embraced by critics and within Hollywood, but has met some resistance in the broader public, and even now is playing in only 683 theaters, having taken in $30.8 million.

One Utah theater pulled the film from distribution, and the comedian Larry David sparked debate when he wrote a humorous Op-Ed article in The New York Times saying he could not bring himself to see the film. Focus Features, which is releasing "Brokeback," has lately been publishing ads showing the lead actors with their on-screen wives, rather than as lovers.

Accepting his award, Mr. Lee saluted "the power of movies to change the way we're thinking."

In another role that dealt with gender politics, Felicity Huffman won best actress for her portrayal of a transgendered man in "TransAmerica." And Philip Seymour Hoffman won best actor in a dramatic role for playing Truman Capote, the flamboyantly gay and brazenly ambitious writer, in "Capote."

Two-Year-Old Called for Jury Duty

NEW BEDFORD, Mass. - Kaylee Reynolds had a problem when she recently received a summons to serve on a jury. She wasn't old enough to read it. The 2-year-old has quite a few years to go before she reaches the minimum age of 18 to serve on a state jury. Lucky for Kaylee, Massachusetts Jury Commissioner Patricia Reynolds seemed willing to let it slide for a while. "We'll give her a 16-year grace period," Wood told The Standard-Times of New Bedford. Wood guessed the mix-up could be traced to a local census form. If the form has a blank or mistaken birth date, July 4, 1776 is filled in. "With that date we'll know it is wrong," Wood said. Besides her questionable understanding of the concepts of guilt or innocence, there are other reasons why it's best to wait for Kaylee to serve. Her mother, Patricia, says Kaylee gets really cranky if she doesn't get her noontime nap.

"Cannes" Photo Festival ;-)

Architects and engineers compete to see whose team can build the most spectacular structure using little more than cans of food at Canstruction, the 13th annual NYC Design and Build competition in New York. The exhibit at New York Design Center is open to the public. At the end of the competition on 23 November 2005, the 130,000 cans that are part of the exhibit will be given to the Food Bank of New York City.

CAN-ERFLY


CAN-KONG


CAN-STER


CAN-&M's


CAN-MAID


CAN-SHUTTLE


CAN-OBRA


CAN-LIP


CAN-ALIENS
*Thanks, SalTCBug!