6 Reasons Tinky Winky Can't Be Gay

1. The Purse doesn't match the shoes. Purple AND Red, I mean really, clash-o-rama.

2. He's kinda obese. Everybody knows that gay men (especially public figures) are in terrific shape. Bit too much pudding, Tink?

3. That headpiece. A gold star for its FABULOUS height, but it really doesn't have much in the way of frills, its just a triangle. It absolutely demands bugle beads, or something lacey.

4. He hangs out in a meadow. Not a bush or tree in sight. A bit too daring for anything but the quickest quickie.

5. He's a really bad dancer.

6. The name Tinky Winky. I don't know a gay man on the planet who would go with a name like that.... HELLO, it screams "I'm small down there and I don't care who knows it."