A PENGUIN IN ARIZONA

A penguin was driving through Arizona on a hot, summer Sunday when he noticed his oil light was on.

He got out of the car and, sure enough, it was leaking oil all over the road.

The penguin drove around the corner to a service station and asked the mechanic to take a look at it.

The mechanic said he had a few others to look at first but if he came back in an hour, he could tell the penguin what was wrong with the car.

The penguin agreed and went for a walk.

He found an ice cream shop and thought a big bowl of ice cream would really hit the spot, since he was a penguin and it was Arizona in the summer after all.

He sat down at the counter and started in on the ice cream.

Of course, he had no hands so it was rather messy.

By the time he was done, he had ice cream all over his flippers and his mouth was a total mess.

He walked back to the service station and said to the mechanic, "Did you find out what is wrong with my car?"

The mechanic replied, "It looks like you've blown a seal."

"No, no", said the penguin, "It's just ice cream."

How many???

Funny wisdom, but believable !!

1. My wife and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why is the room spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I have a degree in liberal arts; do you want fries with that?

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

22. STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!

23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

25. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26. HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28. The original point and click was a Smith and Wesson.

29. The enjoyment of a day, is surviving it. WELL!!!!

This is creepy!

Think of a letter between A and W.



Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.



Keep going .............................Don't stop....



Think of an animal that begins with that letter.



Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.



Think of either a man's/woman's name that begins with the last letter in the animals name.



Almost there...



Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.



Take the hand you counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level.



Look at your palm very closely and notice the lines in your hand.



Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the persons name?



Of course they f*ckin don't... Now smack yourself in the head, get a life and quit using stupid computer so much!

THAILAND'S TIGERS!

In less than 15 years this has all come about. Amazing!!!

Just Let It Go

by Trent Deerhorn, DeerhornShamanic.com

You hear that phrase a lot. “Just let it go”, as though that is supposed to make anything better. It sounds trite and condescending when what we are going through is a struggle that is very real for us. Being told to just let it go gives us the definite message that what we are going through really does not matter to the person who is saying that. It also tells us that they do not have our backs, and are not supportive. It minimises our experience and diminishes us as a human being with emotions and experiences. When someone tells me something like this, I actually come to realise that it is actually THEM that I need to let go.

There are definitely times when we do, however, need to coach ourselves on what to let go and what to seek justice about. Not letting go is not necessarily holding onto something toxic. In fact, holding on to something is often an indication that we are not going to let someone off the hook without acknowledging what they have done. Whether or not that leads to justice is up to how they respond, and also how we decide to deal with their responses or lack thereof. If no justice will be experienced, then we have to move on, because seeking revenge is never attractive or productive…even if that is a basic human instinct.

Personally I have found that there have been a number of things that I have had to let go of over the course of many, Many, MANY years of my life. I have had to let go of friends who have betrayed me along the way in the pursuit of their own personal gain. I have had to let go of family members who have treated me with aggression and abuse. I have had to let go of clients who have been toxic so that I would survive enough to continue to help those who appreciate what I do for them.

But the biggest thing that I have had to let go of in my life is the person I used to be. It is not that I have been horrible or necessarily done horrible things. It is that I have grown. I like to become better than I was yesterday…or even five minutes ago. So letting go of some aspect of my old self is an important part of that growth. Yes, I have some regrets along the way. We all do. And letting go of the person I was back then is also necessary in the process of liberating myself from who I was when I did whatever it is that I might regret. That liberation from the old self can help us to clear ourselves of toxic and stale energies that then sets us free to become who we are going to be today, tomorrow and the next day…the next month….the next year and so on.

So often we beat ourselves up (far more than anyone else would) about who we used to be. We have to stop that because it is a form of self-abuse. I was telling a dear friend the other day that, even though I have been married three times and am now in my fourth long-term relationship, I do not regret for one moment having been married to any of my past partners. Each relationship is one that, no matter how twisted or toxic it became, served both of us well in our own paths of personal growth. If we can take a much more chill approach to it and recognise what was happening in our lives and what was motivating us, then we can look at how we could perhaps have done something better. It is not that we can ever take back whatever was said or done. But we can learn from our mistakes and become better equipped at handling that sort of situation next time around.

Our future selves depend upon us being able to process that. It depends upon us for the cleansing that it takes to create a clean slate that we can then use to create what is more authentic and congruent with who we are becoming. Let’s not let our future selves down. Because if we do, that will be something that will definitely be worth regretting.

It really does not matter if we decide to hold some elaborate ritual regarding the letting go of the old and the birthing of the new, or simply turn our consciousness towards that aspect of becoming, the point is that we need to allow space for it to happen in our lives. So often we smother out the opportunities with excessive activity or excessive drug use or excessive interpersonal relations. We spend more time on our cell phones than we actually do in our own company. So I encourage everyone to take a moment every day to just sit with yourself. Reflect, contemplate your life’s journey, decide what you are wanting to let go of in your life, and embrace that which you are becoming. You may even be inspired to actually write your past self a love note, thanking him or her for their contributions, even if who you were is no longer who you are. It can be a beautiful experience. There is nothing to fear.

*DeerhornShamanic.com

Illusions

In this amazing optical illusion, if you stare at the blinking pink dots, you will see only one color; pink. If you look at the the + in the center, you will see a circle of pink dots and a rotating green dot. Now, stare at the + without moving your eyes.

Are the centre dots the same size? Check out below

Look at the black dot in the middle and move your head (and upper body, if it's attached) forwards and backwards (you see, not only is this a piece of optical spookiness, it's also a cardio-vascular workout).

Do you think block A and block B have the same color? Look at the answer below and be amazed!

They look different sizes, but arethey?

The yellow and blue blocks are taking turns moving, right? Look what happens when the stripes are removed

No, these dinosaurs are not moving their heads to follow you

You will never know...

Life

Solve the Puzzle!!

an interactive flash animation

Crisis Management

These 25 tips will get you through any situation, or at least they'll keep you giggling as you try to cope...

1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.

2. You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

6. Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

10. Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.

11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

12. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

15. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

16. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

17. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

18. One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

19. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

20. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

21. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

22. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

23. This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.

24. Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.

25. The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a 'do-it-yourself' thing.

Just how close is… too Close???

We have all wondered what would happen if the oxygen and acetylene welding gas delivery truck had an accident in front of us. View the video below for what actually happens. It’s spectacular … and just when you think it’s all over .. BANG!!

So the next time one passes you on the road give him lots of room

A Real Problem

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.

So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.

The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"

Some Sobering Questions

Do you have an alcohol problem? situations may provide a clue?.

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

You can focus better with one eye closed.

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

You fall off the floor...

Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger...who needs dinner?

Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...

Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

That damned pink elephant followed me home again.

I'm as jober as a sudge.

Children's Science Exam Answers...

These are real answers given by children.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A:The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby. (I do love this one...)

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

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Rednecks