My boyfriend and I have been together for over three months now. This is our first true gay relationship. We have spent almost all of our time together. When I mention hanging out with old friends he tends to get upset and doesn't understand why. I really do enjoy being with him all of the time also. Recently, he made plans for dinner with his ex-girlfriend. He didn't understand why this upset me and why I'd be jealous.
Since we've been together he has made comments that she is a stalker and is obsessed with him. I don't understand why he'd put himself in this position. Please give me your input.
Can't think of a name!
Dear Cant't Think,
You have very little to worry about. If the ex-chick did it for him, he'd still be with her... not in your face all the time. There are probably a couple of reasons he agreed to go to dinner with her (notice I didn't call it a date). Either she annoyed the retail out of him and he's not strong enough to resist the "stalker" or he's just being a man and likes the fact that he's still wanted on all sides.
Let me tell you a little story about someone I know. We'll call him Eric. Eric met Alex about six years ago. They fell in love instantly and Eric never went home. When I say he never went home... I mean he literally never went back home!
He and Alex have been together ever since. Each day they both go to work, then return home and spend their entire evening together. They go bowling together, see movies together... they even share the same bathroom time getting ready for work in the morning. But about every six months or so I get a call from either Eric or Alex. They've had a terrible fight and don't understand how the other can be so insensitive about the sore spot of the month.
Usually, during a gasp of air in the midst of the teary soliloquy, I have time to get in one line. I remind them that they're always in each other's faces. They have denied themselves that precious "me" time that helps each of us humans recharge our batteries. Carrie from Sex and the City needed an hour after work uninterrupted to recharge her's. I need at least one sly affair with a Law and Order marathon to keep my boy annoyance meter low. Another friend of mine needs a night out on the town with only him and his friends to suppress the suffocation of a relationship.
The point is, we're not robots. We need time to ourselves just to get things in order. Give him some room to breathe. Let him go out with Erika Christensen if he wants. Actually, let him know that you're ok with his little dinner madness. By doing so you'll send a message that you trust him completely. He'll appreciate you letting him roam. And because of this brilliant strategic move on your part, he'll have no basis to get upset when you want to go out with your buddies later.
Lastly, give him an incentive to come home as quickly as possible for a little desert... and guess who's on the menu?
The Love Doctor