Thought this was interesting....
Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
China’s Latest Glass-Bottomed Bridge isn’t for the Faint of Heart
by Danny Clemens, Discovery.com
Another glass suspension bridge just opened in China and, well, this one's a doozy. The aptly-named Brave Man's Bridge (or Haohan Bridge) spans almost 1,000 feet over a gaping chasm in central China's Shiniuzhai National Geopark:
Brave Man's Bridge
ChinaFotoPress/ChinaFotoPress via Getty Images
According to the South China Morning Post, the original bridge was constructed completely of wood. Park officials installed a single glass pane in the bridge last year to compete with other adrenaline-pumping attractions before eventually deciding to resurface the entire structure with 9-inch-thick panes of glass.
Obviously, nothing would ruin the thrill of staring into 590 feet of emptiness between the bridge and the ground like scuffs, so the brave souls that traverse the bridge are required to don booties to protect the glass.
Visitors on Brave Man's Bridge
ChinaFotoPress/ChinaFotoPress via Getty Images
Possibly the only thing more nerve-wracking than crossing the bridge would be constructing it:
A worker who helped construct the bridge reaffirmed the structure's safety in an interview with the state-owned China News Service:
"The steel frame used to support and encase the glass bridge is also very strong and densely built, so even if a glass is broken, travelers won't fall through."
Visitors on Brave Man's Bridge
ChinaFotoPress/ChinaFotoPress via Getty Images
The Brave Man's Bridge pales in comparison to a similar structure that is currently under construction in Zhangjiajie. According to CNN, that 1,400-foot bridge will stand 1,000 feet off of the ground, earning the designation of being the world's longest and tallest glass bridge.
Another glass suspension bridge just opened in China and, well, this one's a doozy. The aptly-named Brave Man's Bridge (or Haohan Bridge) spans almost 1,000 feet over a gaping chasm in central China's Shiniuzhai National Geopark:
Brave Man's Bridge
ChinaFotoPress/ChinaFotoPress via Getty Images
According to the South China Morning Post, the original bridge was constructed completely of wood. Park officials installed a single glass pane in the bridge last year to compete with other adrenaline-pumping attractions before eventually deciding to resurface the entire structure with 9-inch-thick panes of glass.
Obviously, nothing would ruin the thrill of staring into 590 feet of emptiness between the bridge and the ground like scuffs, so the brave souls that traverse the bridge are required to don booties to protect the glass.
Visitors on Brave Man's Bridge
ChinaFotoPress/ChinaFotoPress via Getty Images
Possibly the only thing more nerve-wracking than crossing the bridge would be constructing it:
A worker who helped construct the bridge reaffirmed the structure's safety in an interview with the state-owned China News Service:
"The steel frame used to support and encase the glass bridge is also very strong and densely built, so even if a glass is broken, travelers won't fall through."
Visitors on Brave Man's Bridge
ChinaFotoPress/ChinaFotoPress via Getty Images
The Brave Man's Bridge pales in comparison to a similar structure that is currently under construction in Zhangjiajie. According to CNN, that 1,400-foot bridge will stand 1,000 feet off of the ground, earning the designation of being the world's longest and tallest glass bridge.
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Your Virtual Turnpike
With this site you can look up any address and zoom in on it plus advance it along the street you have chosen. When you get familiar with the option buttons to maneuver around the address chosen you will be amazed just like I was. I viewed the house I grew up in and saw the changes in it plus other houses we have lived in over the years. Click here and Enjoy...
PS: I knew I shouldn't stand naked in front of my window!!
PS: I knew I shouldn't stand naked in front of my window!!
CHECK IT OUT: Home For Sale... With Trek-themed Theater
By StarTrek.com Staff
If you're in the market for a massive house, one with an indoor pool and a Star Trek-themed theater, you're in luck. Just such a place exists in Friendswood, Texas. Within the 6,389 square-foot home, there's a castle-esque bedroom, a music-inspired loft bedroom, a ginormous kitchen and, yes, a Trek-centric media center.
Here's how the Houston Chronicle described the space in an article earlier this week: "Designed by Tiny Town Studios, the entertainment room is a well-designed replica of a famous Star Trek spacecraft. In addition to a high-definition projection screen, the theater area also has its own kitchen, dining area, dormitory with futuristic bunk beds and, of course, a command center."
And it's all yours for $1,265,000.
If you're in the market for a massive house, one with an indoor pool and a Star Trek-themed theater, you're in luck. Just such a place exists in Friendswood, Texas. Within the 6,389 square-foot home, there's a castle-esque bedroom, a music-inspired loft bedroom, a ginormous kitchen and, yes, a Trek-centric media center.
Here's how the Houston Chronicle described the space in an article earlier this week: "Designed by Tiny Town Studios, the entertainment room is a well-designed replica of a famous Star Trek spacecraft. In addition to a high-definition projection screen, the theater area also has its own kitchen, dining area, dormitory with futuristic bunk beds and, of course, a command center."
And it's all yours for $1,265,000.
Monday, September 28, 2015
SASKATCHEWAN FUNNIES ......
These are whacky Saskatchewan jokes fer ya !
The owner of a golf course in Saskatchewan was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Saskatchewan and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
{You gotta love those Saskatchewan women.}
A group of Saskatchewan friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
A senior in Saskatchewan was overheard saying .. "when the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Saskatchewan." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Saskatchewan because everything happens in Saskatchewan 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
The young man from Saskatchewan came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?
"The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
NEWS FLASH! - Saskatchewan's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two University of Saskatchewan students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
The Saskatchewan RCMP pulled over a pickup on Highway 16. The RCMP officer asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?
A man in Saskatchewan had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either."
The owner of a golf course in Saskatchewan was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Saskatchewan and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
{You gotta love those Saskatchewan women.}
A group of Saskatchewan friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
A senior in Saskatchewan was overheard saying .. "when the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Saskatchewan." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Saskatchewan because everything happens in Saskatchewan 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
The young man from Saskatchewan came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?
"The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
NEWS FLASH! - Saskatchewan's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two University of Saskatchewan students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
The Saskatchewan RCMP pulled over a pickup on Highway 16. The RCMP officer asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?
A man in Saskatchewan had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either."
Sunday, September 27, 2015
All About Farts
A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song......
A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent , but deadly.
A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.
But not all farts are bad,
This is simply not true-
We must not forget.......
some old farts like you!
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Chicken Sandwiches
Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what!
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both broughtchicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth Grades, until one day he noticed thather sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said, 'Hey, how come you're not eatingchicken, don't you like it anymore?'
She said 'I love it but I have to stop eating it. '
' Why?' he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said 'Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!'
'Let me see' he said. 'Okay' and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, 'That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken.'
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl,
'I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches too, I'm also starting to get feathers down there!'
She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her!
She said...
'Oh, my Goodness, it's too late for you! You've already got the NECK and GIBLETS!!'
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both broughtchicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth Grades, until one day he noticed thather sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said, 'Hey, how come you're not eatingchicken, don't you like it anymore?'
She said 'I love it but I have to stop eating it. '
' Why?' he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said 'Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!'
'Let me see' he said. 'Okay' and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, 'That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken.'
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl,
'I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches too, I'm also starting to get feathers down there!'
She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her!
She said...
'Oh, my Goodness, it's too late for you! You've already got the NECK and GIBLETS!!'
HOW TO SAY I LOVE YOU IN 5 LANGUAGES:
English - I Love You
French - Je T'aime
Italian - Ti Amo
Chinese - Wo Ai Nin
Saskatchewan - Nice ass, get in the truck
French - Je T'aime
Italian - Ti Amo
Chinese - Wo Ai Nin
Saskatchewan - Nice ass, get in the truck
Friday, September 25, 2015
I'll Take 'Queer Quotables' For $500, Alex...
"What is a straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains."
--Tennesse Williams, A Streetcar Named Desire.
"If Michelangelo had been straight, the Sistine Chapel would have been wallpapered."
--Robin Tyler
"Anita Bryant like Anita hole in the head."
--Graffiti
"As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children."
--Anita Bryant
"As long as society is anti-gay, then it will seem like being gay is anti-social."
--Joseph Francis
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
--Dr. Seuss
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Woody Allen
"Closets are for clothes."
--Bumper sticker
"Did you hear about the Scottish drag queen? He wore pants."
--Lynn Lavne
"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Drag is when gay men wear everything we lesbians refused to. And better them then us."
--Robin Tyler
"Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness."
--Shakti Gawain
--Tennesse Williams, A Streetcar Named Desire.
"If Michelangelo had been straight, the Sistine Chapel would have been wallpapered."
--Robin Tyler
"Anita Bryant like Anita hole in the head."
--Graffiti
"As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children."
--Anita Bryant
"As long as society is anti-gay, then it will seem like being gay is anti-social."
--Joseph Francis
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
--Dr. Seuss
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Woody Allen
"Closets are for clothes."
--Bumper sticker
"Did you hear about the Scottish drag queen? He wore pants."
--Lynn Lavne
"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Drag is when gay men wear everything we lesbians refused to. And better them then us."
--Robin Tyler
"Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness."
--Shakti Gawain
"Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality."
--James Baldwin
"For a long time I thought I wanted to be a nun. Then I realized that what I really wanted to be was a lesbian."
--Mabel Maney
"Gay and lesbian people fall in love. We settle down. We commit our lives to one another. We raise our children. We protect them. We try to be good citizens."
--California Sen. Sheila Kuehl after California Senate approved gay marriage bill AB849
"Gay people ... were the first to find me, and they get everything, they're so sharp. I'll look out in the audience and I see three or four gay guys right in the front row, or a couple of lesbians, I know it's gonna be a good show."
--Joan Rivers to Denver's Out Front
"Gay people, well, gay people are EVIL, evil right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?"
--Trey Parker and Matt Stone from South Park, spoken by Mr Garrison
"Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a Lesbian."
--Fran Lebowitz
"God has given you one face, and you make yourself another."
--William Shakespeare
"Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another."
--Homer (Not Simpson!)
"Homophobia is a social disease."
--Bumper sticker
"Homosexuality is a sickness, just as are baby-rape or wanting to become head of General Motors."
--Eldridge Cleaver "Notes on a Native Son," Soul on Ice, 1968
"Homosexuality is god's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children."
--Sam Austin
"I am reminded of a colleague who reiterated "all my homosexual patients are quite sick" - to which I finally replied "so are all my heterosexual patients."
--Ernest van den Haag, psychotherapist
"I am the love that dare not speak its name."
--Lord Alfred Douglas from poem Two Loves
"I can't help looking gay. I put on a dress and people say, "Who's the dyke in the dress?""
--Karen Ripley
"I don't mind straight people as long as they act gay in public."
--T-shirt worn by Chicago Bulls transvestite Dennis Rodman during a network-TV interview
"I get sick of listening to straight people complain about, "Well, hey, we don't have a heterosexual-pride day, why do you need a gay-pride day?" I remember when I was a kid I'd always ask my mom: "Why don't we have a Kid's Day? We have a Mother's Day and a Father's Day, but why don't we have a Kid's Day?" My mom would always say, "Every day is Kid's Day." To all those heterosexuals that bitch about gay pride, I say the same thing: Every day is heterosexual-pride day! Can't you people enjoy your banquet and not piss on those of us enjoying our crumbs over here in the corner?"
--Rob Nash
"I just wish more of my fellow queers would come out sometimes. It's nice out here, you know?"
--Elton John accepting Distinguished Achievement Award from Elizabeth Taylor at Los Angeles Gay & Lesbian Center's 25th anniversary blowout
"I like my beers cold and my homosexuals flaming."
--Homer Simpson (Yes, not "The Iliad" Homer!)
"I think God is a callous bitch not making me a lesbian. I'm deeply disappointed by my sexual interest in men."
--Diamanda Galas
"I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother."
--Charles Pierce, 1980
"If adjustment is necessary, it should be made primarily with regard to the position the homosexual occupies in present-day society, and society should more often be treated than the homosexual."
--Harry Benjamin
"If gay and lesbian people are given civil rights, then everyone will want them!"
--Author unknown as seen on a button
If gays are granted rights, next we'll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nailbiters.
--Anita Bryant
"If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise."
--Johann von Goethe
"If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer.""
--Robin Tyler
"If horse racing is the sport of kings, then drag racing must be the sport of queens.
--Bert R. Sugar
If male homosexuals are called "gay," then female homosexuals should be called "ecstatic.""
--Shelly Roberts
"If time and space are curved, where do all of the straight people come from?"
--Author Unknown
"If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag."
--Author Unknown
"I'm a supporter of gay rights. And not a closet supporter either. From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community. There are so many qualities that make up a human being... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant."
--Paul Newman
"I'm not a lesbian but my girlfriend is."
--Bumper sticker
"I'm not gay but my boyfriend is."
--Bumper sticker
"In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis."
--Quentin Crisp The Naked Civil Servant, 1978
"In itself, homosexuality is as limiting as heterosexuality: the ideal should be to be capable of loving a woman or a man; either, a human being, without feeling fear, restraint, or obligation."
--Simone de Beauvoir
"Is life not a hundred times too short for us to stifle ourselves."
--Friedrich Nietzsche
"Isn't it a violation of the Georgia sodomy law for the Supreme Court to have its head up its ass?"
--Letter to Playboy magazine, February 1987
"It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It's like disapproving of rain."
--Francis Maude
"It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses."
--Daphne Fielding The Duchess of Jermyn Street
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier
"It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy."
--Lucille Ball
"For most men life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to get themselves filed."
--Clifton Fadiman
"It's hard enough to be taken seriously in the struggle for gay rights without having a bunch of straight girls running around kissing each other to get the attention of boys and videocameras."
--M. Robin D'Antan, 2002
"I've wondered what my sexuality might be, but I've never wondered whether it was acceptable or not. Anyway, who really cares whether I'm gay or straight?""
--George Michael to Britain's Big Issue magazine
"Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole."
--Judy Carte
"Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people."
--Martina Navratilova
"Lesbianism has always seemed to me an extremely inventive response to a shortage of men, but otherwise not worth the trouble."
--Nora Ephron Heartburn, 1983
"Let my lusts be my ruin, then, since all else is a fake and a mockery."
--Hart Crane
"Let's get one thing straight, I'm not."
--Bumper sticker
The Library of Babel
The Library of Babel is a place for scholars to do research, for artists and writers to seek inspiration, for anyone with curiosity or a sense of humor to reflect on the weirdness of existence - in short, it’s just like any other library. If completed, it would contain every possible combination of 1,312,000 characters, including lower case letters, space, comma, and period. Thus, it would contain every book that ever has been written, and every book that ever could be - including every play, every song, every scientific paper, every legal decision, every constitution, every piece of scripture, and so on. At present it contains all possible pages of 3200 characters, about 104677 books.
Since I imagine the question will present itself in some visitors’ minds (a certain amount of distrust of the virtual is inevitable) I’ll head off any doubts: any text you find in any location of the library will be in the same place in perpetuity. We do not simply generate and store books as they are requested - in fact, the storage demands would make that impossible. Every possible permutation of letters is accessible at this very moment in one of the library's books, only awaiting its discovery. We encourage those who find strange concatenations among the variations of letters to write about their discoveries in the forum, so future generations may benefit from their research.
Weird but cool! Click here to check it out. Everything that has been said, anything that will be said is in the library!
The Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat |
Weird but cool! Click here to check it out. Everything that has been said, anything that will be said is in the library!
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Etch-A-Sketch Tech Support
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create an empty New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I Exit without Saving?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has lines that prevent me from doing my art project.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I keep from losing my Etch-A-Sketch documents in the middle of my work?
A: Stop shaking it.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create an empty New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I Exit without Saving?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has lines that prevent me from doing my art project.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I keep from losing my Etch-A-Sketch documents in the middle of my work?
A: Stop shaking it.
*Author unknown
My Goldfish Died
Little Amber was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky faced youngster was doing.
He politely asked, "What are you up to there, Amber?"
"My goldfish died," replied Amber tearfully, without looking up, "And I've just buried him."
The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?'
Amber patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your f . . cking cat."
He politely asked, "What are you up to there, Amber?"
"My goldfish died," replied Amber tearfully, without looking up, "And I've just buried him."
The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?'
Amber patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your f . . cking cat."
The difference between Potentially and Realistically
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, ‘Dad, what is the difference between ‘potentially’ and ‘realistically’?’
The father thought for a moment, his son was a man of the modern world so he answered in a forthright way, ‘Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.’
So the boy went to his mother and asked, ‘Would You sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?’
The mother replied, ‘Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!’
The boy then went to his sister and asked, ‘Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?’
The girl replied, ‘Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt. I Would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?’
The boy then went to his brother and asked, ‘Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?’
‘Of course,’ the brother replied. ‘Do you know what a million bucks would buy?’
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad..
His father asked him, ‘Did you find out the difference between ‘potentially’ and ‘realistically’?’
The boy replied, ‘Yes, ‘Potentially’, you and I are sitting on three million dollars. But ‘realistically’, we’re living with two hookers and a queer.’
The father thought for a moment, his son was a man of the modern world so he answered in a forthright way, ‘Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.’
So the boy went to his mother and asked, ‘Would You sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?’
The mother replied, ‘Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!’
The boy then went to his sister and asked, ‘Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?’
The girl replied, ‘Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt. I Would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?’
The boy then went to his brother and asked, ‘Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?’
‘Of course,’ the brother replied. ‘Do you know what a million bucks would buy?’
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad..
His father asked him, ‘Did you find out the difference between ‘potentially’ and ‘realistically’?’
The boy replied, ‘Yes, ‘Potentially’, you and I are sitting on three million dollars. But ‘realistically’, we’re living with two hookers and a queer.’