I wanna go to Disneyland!

Disneyland Worker

Wise Words

Being Different

"I shall be telling this with a sigh. Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

-Robert Frost

Experience

I'm not 50 yrs old. I'm 18 with 32 yrs of experience.

Don't Let People Get You down

No matter where you go, there will always be two groups of people:

One who likes you and one who does not. Be encouraged by the ones who do and pray for the ones who don't.

Problem

Be courageous to face any sort of problem as early as possible. It is like a small flame. If you try, you can stop it easily. If you don’t, it will be bigger day by day and burn everything.

Priorities

Never let someone become your priority while allowing yourself to be his or her option.

Be Yourself

If I try to be like him, who will be like me?

- Yiddish proverb

CONSIDERATION

Never consider yourself less than anyone, though never consider anyone less than yourself.

Loving Him

If the only way I could be with you is in my dreams then I will sleep forever!

Take the furture head on. And do it with a smile. : )

"Everything happens for a reason, don't worry about the reason just live with what happens."

Love is a funny thing

Love is a funny thing.....its never appreciated until its gone....it never has value until someone has it......and just when you decided to give up on it....it finds you a again...

Make a car dent disappear!

You can easily fix a small dent in your car with the help of a plunger. Clean the dented area with soap and water, and then dry thoroughly before placing the plunger directly over the spot and pressing firmly to create a seal. (If the suction is weak, try coating the plunger’s rim with petroleum jelly.) Push the plunger in, and then quickly pull it out. Repeat if the dent doesn’t fully “pop” out.

Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, sir," the clerk replied.

"That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."



A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain.

Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter's brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A plumber's brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He noticed with alarm that a politician's brain sells for $375.00 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats.

The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many politicians it takes to get a pound of brains?"



One day a genie appeared to a California man and offered to grant him one wish.

the man said:” I wish you'd build a bridge from here to Hawaii so I could drive there anytime"

The genie frowned" I don't know. It sounds like quite an undertaking,” he said. "Just think of the logistics. The supports required reaching the bottom of the ocean, the concrete, and the steel! Why don't you pick something else?"

The man thought for a while and then said, "Okay, I wish for a complete understanding of women- what they are thinking, why they cry. I wish I knew how to make a woman truly happy".

The genie was silent for a minute, then said "So how many lanes did you want on that bridge?"

Why did Mickey Mouse go to space? ..................... To visit Pluto!

God created the donkey & said to him: “You will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence & you will live 50 years.

You will be a donkey. “The donkey answered: “I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is too much. Give me only 20 years. God granted his wish.

God created the dog and said to him: "You will be a dog.” You will guard the house of man. You will be his best friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 25 years. You will be a dog. “The dog answered: “Master, to live 25 years is too much, you give me only 10 years. God granted his wish. God created the Monkey and said to him: “You will be a monkey.” You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey. “The monkey answered: “Master to live 20 years is too much, you give me only 10 years. God granted his wish.

Finally God created the man and said to him: “You will be a man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.” You will use your intelligence to become master over all animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years. Man responded: "I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused. God granted his wish. And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, he marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are gone, he lives 15 years like a dog, taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house, from one son or daughter to another, doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

Three men were shipwrecked on a desert island and where captured by the local natives. They were brought to the chief native. The chief gave the men two choices; they could have death or submit to unga bunga. The first man decides he does not want to die, so he chooses unga bunga. Ten of the natives took him into the woods, when he came back one hour later he was all beaten up. The second man chooses unga bunga and he was taken out the woods for 2 hours where the natives beat him up. The third man not wanting to go through all that torture decided upon death. So the chief said ok death by Unga Bunga.



A doctor calls his patient and says; the check you gave me for my bill came back.

The patient replied: So did my arthritis!



A hobo (wanderer) comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days." The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch in the back of the house, I will give you a good meal." So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner asks, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in." The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW.."



Mr. and Mrs. Thorne had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's vacation in Majorca. "I wish we'd brought the piano with us," said Mr. Thorne. "What on earth for?" asked his wife.

"I've left the tickets on it."

Once upon a time, there was a cat that died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful -- she had to sleep in cold black alleys, where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way -- but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on.. The cat lay down upon the pillow and was happy. A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth. The earth was no better for them than it was the cat. They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them roller-skates. One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she liked hea ven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful. The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow was the meals on wheels.

A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workman. After several minutes, the older worker had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where you mouth is?" he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the other building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the young man replied. "Let's see what you've got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, "All right. Get in."

How Happy Are You?

from WhatWillMatter.com

by MICHAEL JOSEPHSON

On a scale of one to 10 — with 10 being “It’s as good as it gets! I’m even happier than Charlie Sheen thinks he is,” and one being “Life sucks; it can’t get worse” — how happy are you with your life?

Researchers say that when asked to grade their lives on a happiness scale, most people give a score of 7 or 8.

It’s a tougher question than it seems because how you feel right now has a powerful impact on how happy you think you are. For example, one of my daughters is despondent because she broke her cell phone and is suffering painful withdrawal symptoms. Her need to read and send texts appears to rival an addict’s craving for drugs.

Happiness is not an objective fact; it’s a feeling, a state of mind, and it’s a lifetime goal. Thus, regardless of your starting point, the pursuit of happiness is not really about being happy. It’s about being happier in two different ways — happier than we are now and happier than others.

Thus, a person who just received a large raise but discovered he is paid less than most people who do his job is likely to be less happy than the person who received a smaller raise but knows she makes more than others. Remember the parable of the man who was miserable because he had no shoes until he met a man with no feet. The comparison made him happier. The problem is it can also go the other way, as with the man who loved his small house until he visited a man who lived in a mansion.

The key to more frequent and enduring happiness is to be grateful for what you have irrespective of what others may have.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Granny's Cures

Did You Know That Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately -- without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers." OR...

Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns. OR..

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose. OR...

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles. OR...

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria. OR...

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly -- even though the product was never been advertised for this use. OR...

Honey remedy for skin blemishes... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight. OR...

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus... Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again. OR...

Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them. OR...

Coca-Cola cure for rust... Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done. OR...

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly. OR...<./div>

Smart splinter remover...just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue. OR...

Hunt's tomato paste boil cure...cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head. OR...

Balm for broken blisters...To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine... a powerful antiseptic. OR...

Heinz vinegar to heal bruises... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process. OR...

Kills fleas instantly. Dawn dish washing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Goodbye fleas. OR...

Rainy day cure for dog odor... Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh. OR...

Eliminate ear mites.... All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing. OR...

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief....It's not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 m inute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain. OR...

These may all work. Granny's Tonic guarenteed to make you forget that you ever had the problem in the first place!!

What? You didn't see...

.... the No Parking sign??

Dessert Test

No cheating.

If all of the desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose?

Pick your dessert, and then look to see what psychiatrists think about you!


Sorry you can only pick one.

You can't change your mind once you scroll down, so think carefully what your choice will be!



Angel Food Cake
Brownies
Lemon Meringue Pie
Vanilla Cake with Chocolate Icing
Strawberry Short Cake
Chocolate Icing on Chocolate Cake
Ice Cream
Carrot Cake










OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what psychiatric research says about you:

ANGEL FOOD CAKE... Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day... Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.


BROWNIES... You are adventurous, love new ideas, and are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. W! hen tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.


LEMON MERINGUE... Smooth, sexy, and articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many good friends.


VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING... Fun loving, sassy, humorous. Not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation Everyone enjoys being around you. You are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.


STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch! You have many friends who love to be around you. You also tend to melt.

You can be overly emotional at times. Your sense of loyalty and devotion are paramount.


CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE... Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very adventurous, am bitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

ICE CREAM... You like sports, whether it is baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

CARROT CAKE... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.

Healing

Click here.

S O M E T I M E S !!

S O M E T I M E S !!

Sometimes....when you cry....
no one sees your tears...

Sometimes....when you are in pain....
no one sees your hurt...

Sometimes....when you are worried....
no one sees your stress...

Sometimes....when you are happy....
no one sees your smile...


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But FART !! 
just ONE friggin' time.....

And everybody notices!!

And you thought this was going to be one of those
heart-touching stories!