Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Easter in Canada..eh!
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St.Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.
The first blonde, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.
The second blonde, a Brit, said "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.
The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said,"So, tell me."
She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... "
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."
Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."
St. Peter fainted.
The first blonde, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.
The second blonde, a Brit, said "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.
The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said,"So, tell me."
She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... "
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."
Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."
St. Peter fainted.
Easter Bunny
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving ndown the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.
She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."
The blonde says, "Don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.
The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again,
He hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves,
Hops another ten feet, turns and waves,
And repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can?
What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.
It says..
(Are you ready for this?)
(Are you sure?)
(You know you're gonna be sorry)
(Last chance)
(OK, here it is)
It says,
"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."
He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving ndown the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.
She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."
The blonde says, "Don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.
The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again,
He hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves,
Hops another ten feet, turns and waves,
And repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can?
What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.
It says..
(Are you ready for this?)
(Are you sure?)
(You know you're gonna be sorry)
(Last chance)
(OK, here it is)
It says,
"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."
Happy Easter!!
Saturday, March 30, 2013
3 Jocks Explaining Easter
Three jocks died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.
The first jock, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and wouldn't let him in.
The second jock, a Brit, said "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus's birth and exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he wouldn't let him in either.
The third jock, a Canadian, said he knew what Easter was, and St.Peter said, "So, tell me."
He said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... "
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."
Then the jock continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."
St. Peter fainted.
Some Bunny is Funny
Q. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A. Bugs Bunny
Q. What does the Easter Rabbit get for making a basket?
A. Two points just like everybody!
Q. Why did the Easter Bunny hide the egg?
A. Because it was a little chicken.
Q. What do you call a dumb bunny?
A. A hare brain.
Q. What's the best way to catch a unique rabbit?
A. You 'nique up on him.
Q. How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A. Tame way, unique up on it.
Q. How many hairs in a rabbit's tail?
A. None, they're all on the outside.
Q. How are rabbits like calculators?
A. They both multiply really fast.
Q. Why can't a rabbit's nose be twelve inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot.
Q. How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
A. Just look for the gray hares.
Q. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
A. A receding hareline.
Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boyscout?
A. A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
A. An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.
Q. How do you know when you're eating rabbit stew?
A. When it has hares in it.
Q. What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes?
A. A funny bunny.
Q. What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole?
A. Cold.
Q. What do rabbits have that nothing else in the world has?
A. Baby rabbits.
Q. What is a rabbit's favorite dance?
A. The Bunny Hop of course.
Q. What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear?
A. 14 carrot gold.
Q. What kind of book does a rabbit like at bedtime?
A. One with a hoppy ending.
Q. Waitress, what's this hare doing in my soup?
A. Looks like the back stroke.
Q. How do bunnies stay healthy?
A. Eggercise
Q. What do you cal a bunny with a dictionary in his pants?
A. A smarty pants.
Q. What would you call the Easter Bunny if he married a chicken?
A. The first Rabbit to lay and egg.
Q. What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. A Hot Cross bunny.
Q. What do you get when you cross a bunny with a spider?
A. A harenet.
Q. What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
A. Thistle have to do!
Q. Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
A. It has 4 rabbits' feet.
Q. How do you get letter to a bunny?
A. Hare mail.
Q. What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
A. One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny!
Q. What do you get when you cross a bunny with an onion?
A. A bunion.
Q. What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A. A harenet.
Q. What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?
A. Join the Hare Force.
Q. What goes ha-ha-clunk?
A. A bunny laughing its head off.
Q. How do you make a rabbit stew?
A. Make it wait for 3 hours!
Q. Where does a bunny go when it dies?
A. To the hare-after.
Q: Why are people always tired in April?
A: Because they just finished a march
Q: What do you call a very smart bunny?
A: An egghead.
Q: What do you call the Easter Bunny the Monday after Easter?
A: Tired.
Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot?
A: It's been nice gnawing you.
Q: Why did a fellow rabbit say that the Easter Bunny was self-centered?
A: Because he is eggocentric. (egocentric)
Q: Where does Valentine's Day comes after Easter?
A: In the dictionary.
Q: Do you know how bunnies stay in shape?
A: Hareobics.
Q: What's the difference between a bunny and a lumberjack?
A: One chews and hops, the other hews and chops.
Q: How does the Easter Bunny say Happy Easter?
A: Hoppy Easter!
Q: Why did the magician have to cancel his show?
A: He'd just washed his hare and couldn't do a thing with it.
Q. Why does the easter bunny have such a shiny nose?
A. His powder puff's on the wrong end.
Q. What do you call it when a rabbit has an accident with a knife?
A. A hare cut.
Q. Why do rabbits do so well at school?
A. They're experts at multiplication.
Q. What came first, the chicken or the egg?
A. Neither--the Easter Bunny!
Q. Where do Easter Bunnies go for new tails?
A. To the retail store.
Q. Do you know how to find the Easter bunny if he was lost?
A. Make a noise like a carrot; he'll find you.
Knock,knock.
Who's there?
Ether
Ether who?
Ether bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Juan
Juan who?
Juan more ether bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stella
Stella who?
Stella nother ether bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Justin other Ether Bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Samoa
Samoa who?
Samoa Ether Bunnies.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Beryl
Beryl who?
Beryl of ether bunnies.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Dewey
Dewey who?
Dewey have to listen to any more ether bunny jokes?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Consumption.
Consumption who?
Consumption be done about all these ether bunnies?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cargo
Cargo who?
Cargo "beep, beep"...run over all the ether bunnies.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry--all the Ether bunnies will be back again next year!"
A. Bugs Bunny
Q. What does the Easter Rabbit get for making a basket?
A. Two points just like everybody!
Q. Why did the Easter Bunny hide the egg?
A. Because it was a little chicken.
Q. What do you call a dumb bunny?
A. A hare brain.
Q. What's the best way to catch a unique rabbit?
A. You 'nique up on him.
Q. How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A. Tame way, unique up on it.
Q. How many hairs in a rabbit's tail?
A. None, they're all on the outside.
Q. How are rabbits like calculators?
A. They both multiply really fast.
Q. Why can't a rabbit's nose be twelve inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot.
Q. How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
A. Just look for the gray hares.
Q. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
A. A receding hareline.
Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boyscout?
A. A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
Q. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
A. An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.
Q. How do you know when you're eating rabbit stew?
A. When it has hares in it.
Q. What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes?
A. A funny bunny.
Q. What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole?
A. Cold.
Q. What do rabbits have that nothing else in the world has?
A. Baby rabbits.
Q. What is a rabbit's favorite dance?
A. The Bunny Hop of course.
Q. What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear?
A. 14 carrot gold.
Q. What kind of book does a rabbit like at bedtime?
A. One with a hoppy ending.
Q. Waitress, what's this hare doing in my soup?
A. Looks like the back stroke.
Q. How do bunnies stay healthy?
A. Eggercise
Q. What do you cal a bunny with a dictionary in his pants?
A. A smarty pants.
Q. What would you call the Easter Bunny if he married a chicken?
A. The first Rabbit to lay and egg.
Q. What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. A Hot Cross bunny.
Q. What do you get when you cross a bunny with a spider?
A. A harenet.
Q. What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
A. Thistle have to do!
Q. Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
A. It has 4 rabbits' feet.
Q. How do you get letter to a bunny?
A. Hare mail.
Q. What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
A. One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny!
Q. What do you get when you cross a bunny with an onion?
A. A bunion.
Q. What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A. A harenet.
Q. What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?
A. Join the Hare Force.
Q. What goes ha-ha-clunk?
A. A bunny laughing its head off.
Q. How do you make a rabbit stew?
A. Make it wait for 3 hours!
Q. Where does a bunny go when it dies?
A. To the hare-after.
Q: Why are people always tired in April?
A: Because they just finished a march
Q: What do you call a very smart bunny?
A: An egghead.
Q: What do you call the Easter Bunny the Monday after Easter?
A: Tired.
Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot?
A: It's been nice gnawing you.
Q: Why did a fellow rabbit say that the Easter Bunny was self-centered?
A: Because he is eggocentric. (egocentric)
Q: Where does Valentine's Day comes after Easter?
A: In the dictionary.
Q: Do you know how bunnies stay in shape?
A: Hareobics.
Q: What's the difference between a bunny and a lumberjack?
A: One chews and hops, the other hews and chops.
Q: How does the Easter Bunny say Happy Easter?
A: Hoppy Easter!
Q: Why did the magician have to cancel his show?
A: He'd just washed his hare and couldn't do a thing with it.
Q. Why does the easter bunny have such a shiny nose?
A. His powder puff's on the wrong end.
Q. What do you call it when a rabbit has an accident with a knife?
A. A hare cut.
Q. Why do rabbits do so well at school?
A. They're experts at multiplication.
Q. What came first, the chicken or the egg?
A. Neither--the Easter Bunny!
Q. Where do Easter Bunnies go for new tails?
A. To the retail store.
Q. Do you know how to find the Easter bunny if he was lost?
A. Make a noise like a carrot; he'll find you.
Knock,knock.
Who's there?
Ether
Ether who?
Ether bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Juan
Juan who?
Juan more ether bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stella
Stella who?
Stella nother ether bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Justin
Justin who?
Justin other Ether Bunny.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Samoa
Samoa who?
Samoa Ether Bunnies.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Beryl
Beryl who?
Beryl of ether bunnies.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Dewey
Dewey who?
Dewey have to listen to any more ether bunny jokes?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Consumption.
Consumption who?
Consumption be done about all these ether bunnies?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cargo
Cargo who?
Cargo "beep, beep"...run over all the ether bunnies.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry--all the Ether bunnies will be back again next year!"
Bootleg Toys
If there's one thing kids love, it's getting new toys. Toy companies come up with the flashiest, coolest looking things they can, hoping to create a hit that every child wants. Some companies are a little less scrupulous and try to cash in on these hits with their own knockoffs.
Pity the child that gets one of these for the birthday!
Be sure to forward to your friends, and spread the laughter! Permanent link is id the post date at the bottom.
Pity the child that gets one of these for the birthday!
Be sure to forward to your friends, and spread the laughter! Permanent link is id the post date at the bottom.
Sheriff Woody?
The helpful lettering lets you know yes, this is Batman.
Perhaps they were worried they'd get sued if they kept the "Hello"?
Monica is my favorite Pocket Monica.
Does whatever a spader can.
I'd watch Robert Cop.
Finally, a toy line based on the hit film!
Friday, March 29, 2013
ThE WoRlD's HaRdEsT RiDdLe??
Try and guess the answer to this riddle. The first one to get it right I will post it in the comments. Or if you give up, I will reply to your email. (You can email me by clicking on The Wizard of OZ at top right of 'OZ'
ThE WoRlD's HaRdEsT RiDdLe
I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?
97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can you guess the correct answer? Good luck.
tags: riddle, polar bears
ThE WoRlD's HaRdEsT RiDdLe
I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?
97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can you guess the correct answer? Good luck.
tags: riddle, polar bears
The Law of the Garbage Truck
One day I hopped into a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.
So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'
This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, The Law of the Garbage Truck. He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally.
Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so....
Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!
Have a garbage-free day!
Thursday, March 28, 2013
The 411 - Hot cross buns
Hot cross buns,
Hot cross buns,
one ha' penny,
two a penny,
hot cross buns.
If you have no daughters,
give them to your sons,
one ha' penny,
two a penny,
Hot Cross Buns
Alternative lyrics are:
Hot cross buns,
One ha' penny buns,
One ha' penny,
Two a penny,
Hot cross buns.
Fresh, sweet buns,
Come and buy my buns,
One ha' penny,
Two a penny,
Fresh, sweet buns.
Nice, light buns,
Buy my currant buns,
Come and try them,
Then you'll buy them,
Nice, light buns
Hot cross buns,
Hot cross buns,
Everybody loves hot cross buns.
*From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Things for Thought
For those of you who just thought you knew everything, here's a refresher course...
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television. (Must remember to sleep more often)
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you!)
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
Walt Disney was afraid of mice. Suprised??? Ever seen this one:
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television. (Must remember to sleep more often)
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you!)
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
Walt Disney was afraid of mice. Suprised??? Ever seen this one:
Pearls melt in vinegar.
The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but not downstairs.
A duck's quack does not echo, and no one knows why.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a commode to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal."
And the best for last.....
Turtles can breathe through their rear ends (I know some people like that; don't YOU?)
Now you know everything there is to know. Of importance, that is !!!
Cheers !
How Clever are You????
These are pretty clever. Don't rush. Study each picture and try to determine what it represents, before looking at the answer below all the pictures at the bottom of the post with the corresponding letter.
Put on your thinking cap.
A)
B)
C)
D)
E)
F)
G)
H)
I)
J)
K)
A) Assaulted peanut B) eggplant C) Doctor Pepper D) pool table E) Tap dancers F) Card Shark G) I Pod H) Gator-Aide I) Knight mare J) Hole Milk K) Light Beer
How many did you figure out?
C'mon be honest!
Put your score in the comments!
Put on your thinking cap.
A)
B)
C)
D)
E)
F)
G)
H)
I)
J)
K)
A) Assaulted peanut B) eggplant C) Doctor Pepper D) pool table E) Tap dancers F) Card Shark G) I Pod H) Gator-Aide I) Knight mare J) Hole Milk K) Light Beer
How many did you figure out?
C'mon be honest!
Put your score in the comments!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
"Ukrainian" Kraft Dinner
This is a real taste treat!
Ingredients:
(2) Boxes Kraft Dinner
(1) Litre jar of Wine sauerkraut
(1) Tablespoon Chopped Onion
(1) Tablespoon margarine
(1) 250 ml Sour cream
Dill Weed (to taste)
Make the two boxes of KD as per the instructions, but do NOT add milk. (You need to still add margarine and the 'cheese' parts)
While the pasta is boiling, in a fry pan melt 2 TBS of margarine add the sauerkraut and onion flakes and some dill weed. Heat at med-hi without a lid, so that the moisture evaporates. Make sure you stir it so it won't burn.
When the KD is done, Add the sauerkraut mixture to the KD. Stir in well - serve. Makes 4 portions, (depending on your degree of hungriness!)
Enjoy!
Ingredients:
(2) Boxes Kraft Dinner
(1) Litre jar of Wine sauerkraut
(1) Tablespoon Chopped Onion
(1) Tablespoon margarine
(1) 250 ml Sour cream
Dill Weed (to taste)
Make the two boxes of KD as per the instructions, but do NOT add milk. (You need to still add margarine and the 'cheese' parts)
While the pasta is boiling, in a fry pan melt 2 TBS of margarine add the sauerkraut and onion flakes and some dill weed. Heat at med-hi without a lid, so that the moisture evaporates. Make sure you stir it so it won't burn.
When the KD is done, Add the sauerkraut mixture to the KD. Stir in well - serve. Makes 4 portions, (depending on your degree of hungriness!)
Enjoy!
Some Math + Logic
Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic. (It also made me LOL!)
Remember, this is a strictly mathematical viewpoint. It goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
An ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION
--The Wizard
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'
" Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.'
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'
" Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.'
*Thanks, Vil
Where are your feet from?
 |
| How have your feet came to be? The Wizard's feet are Greek in origin  Cool! |
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Crazy Laws - South Carolina
A person must be eighteen years old to play a pinball machine.
Horses may not be kept in bathtubs.
By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place.
Railroad companies may be held liable in some instances for scaring horses.
A permit must be obtained to fire a missle.
Fortune tellers are required to obtain a special permit from the state.
The Unfortunate Guard
Have you heard the one about the home security guard who got fired for saving his boss's life?
One day the guard dreamed the his boss was going to be in a plane crash on a business trip to Zimbabwe. Upon learning that his boss was soon going to be flying to Zimbabwe he told his boss about the dream he had, and convinced his boss to cancel it.
The next day on the news they learned that the plane did indeed crash. The boss gave him a reward, and then fired him on the spot, saying that a good guard shouldn't be sleeping on the job!
One day the guard dreamed the his boss was going to be in a plane crash on a business trip to Zimbabwe. Upon learning that his boss was soon going to be flying to Zimbabwe he told his boss about the dream he had, and convinced his boss to cancel it.
The next day on the news they learned that the plane did indeed crash. The boss gave him a reward, and then fired him on the spot, saying that a good guard shouldn't be sleeping on the job!
Dating Ads for Seniors
You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.
Ads seen in The Villages Florida newspaper.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
FOXY LADY :
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6')
searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
----------------------------------------------------
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT :
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband,
looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.
Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
----------------------------------------------------
SERENITY NOW :
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.
If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
----------------------------------------------------
WINNING SMILE :
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks,
corn on the cob and caramel candy.
----------------------------------------------------
BEATLES OR STONES ?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.
If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
----------------------------------------------------
MEMORIES :
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
----------------------------------------------------
MINT CONDITION :
Male, 1932 model , high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.
Not in running condition, but walks well.
Ads seen in The Villages Florida newspaper.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
FOXY LADY :
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6')
searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
----------------------------------------------------
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT :
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband,
looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.
Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
----------------------------------------------------
SERENITY NOW :
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.
If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
----------------------------------------------------
WINNING SMILE :
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks,
corn on the cob and caramel candy.
----------------------------------------------------
BEATLES OR STONES ?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.
If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
----------------------------------------------------
MEMORIES :
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
----------------------------------------------------
MINT CONDITION :
Male, 1932 model , high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.
Not in running condition, but walks well.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Your body
I am not sure where the statistics came from, but it was emailed to me like this...
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
I'm sending you some spring!
I think we all need a little spring today, so I'm sending you some Spring!
click below and You will get a black page.
Hold down and drag your mouse all over the page (I really covered it)
Enjoy!!
Strange Facts About The Human Body
Every single day you, unless you are already bald, will lose as many as 100 strands of hair – that’s 36,500 in a year. This is rather worrying as the average human scalp has 100,000 hairs. A sneeze can blast out of your nose at a speed greater 100 mph The ashes of a cremated person weighs 9 pounds. The human body can survive longer without food than without sleep. While starvation takes a few weeks you would die after about 10 days without sleep. An average human drinks about 16, 000 gallons of water in a lifetime. Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our bodies. Your heart beats some 37,000,000 times in a year. During your life it’s will beat some two-and-a-half billion times. Every square inch of your body is populated by an about 32 million bacteria. Your largest internal organ is the small intestine at an average length of 20 feet. If cut into pasta size pieces it would serve four. 85% of your brain is water. Three-hundred-million cells die in the human body every minute. The largest human organ is the skin, with a surface area of about 25 square feet. Humans shed about 600,000 particles of skin every hour - about 1.5 pounds a year. By 70 years of age, an average person will have lost 105 pounds of skin. Humans shed and regrow outer skin cells about every 27 days - almost 1,000 new skins in a lifetime. It takes 17 muscles to smile --- 43 to frown. The average duration of sexual intercourse for humans is 2 minutes. – see pigs**** It is impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath. The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet. You blink about 84 million times in a year. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop-- even your heart! 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2 -6 years old. In the course of a lifetime the average person will grow 2 Metres of nose hair. Ladies in nudist camps tend to use more makeup than ladies elsewhere. A team of medical experts in Virginia contends you're more likely to catch the common cold virus by shaking hands than by kissing. The human tooth has 55 miles of canal in it. Nerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles per hour. People have legs of slightly different lengths. The average cough comes out the mouth at 60 mph. Men / women The average person speaks about 31,500 words per day. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin. It is estimated that at any one time, 0.7% of the world's population are drunk.****Pigs: A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)